Despair, Inc. the company that brought you those corporate parody posters with such winning captions as “Possibilities: With Focus, Dedication, and Steroids, men can achieve impossible dreams. Like breaking a world record.  Or growing their own breasts.”, also sell some wonderfully, cranky, cheeky, and depressing Valentine’s day candy collection called “Bittersweets”.  Those famously chalky, lavender-scented, pastel-colored confections are no longer stamped with banal classics as “Be Mine” or “Kiss Me” but instead, showcase deadpan zingers as “Table For 1″ and “Sub Prime”.  To usher in Valentine’s day – the day that is not only synonymous with love but…rejection, heartbreak, despair, apathy, etc., pass some ‘Bittersweets’ around or even better, have fun making custom jpeg valentines with their online Candy Generator.  Here are some of my bitterness-inspired moments of procrastination for the day.

For The Man Who Will Always Be Your Dance Partner...at Mickeys in Weho!

For That Special Sugar Mama

For The Man Who Has Given You His Best

For Those Film Buffs Who Have Nightmares of Dr. Szell

Give the Candy Generator a go – I’d love to see your zingers in the comments section.