I love Michelle Kwan. Always have. The girl’s got the entire package. She’s smart, well-spoken, has incredible skin, possesses legs as hard as granite, and is quite a looker. My only regret in life is that she and I never dated. I think we would have made a fantastic pair.
Usually I do not pursue a girl that I am interested in. Like the puma, I am patient. But I am getting old and wish to experience this relationship before I turn into an oriental raisin with a severe case of male pattern baldness and possible ED issues. Also, osteoporosis is not a kind dance partner to hot romantic seductions on ice.
So in the spirit of The Secret, I will set the metaphysical dominoes in motion by declaring my desire to date The Great Michelle Kwan in the form of a love poem. It is my hope that she will respond to my romantic beckonings before the close of the Vancouver winter olympics. With the extinguishing of one olympic flame, perhaps the flames of love of one of olympic’s greatest champions will spark and be inspired to burn forever bright. Let the games begin…
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“ODE de AMOR, MICHELLE KWAN” – a love poem
by Roger F
Oh Michelle, Michelle
how beautiful are thee
I have been such a big fan of yours
even before my puberty
My name is Roger, like Clemens, Ebert, & Moore
My boat of love has docked and it is you I wish to adore
I am six foot one and one seventy eight
and though I may appear a bit metro, I promise you I’m straight
I cook and I clean, I wash and I dry
my mama raised me right for i am the sweetest of guy
I am chinese by birth and american like you
so why skate alone when it’s more fun as two?
your dazzling smile and your sparkling almond eyes
only serves to further seduce with your rock hard thighs
I can only imagine how lonely it can be
as years as champion and friends only through TV
to the world you are an icon, larger than life
but to me you’ll be my baby and hopefully hot lover-wife
So here I am, a present unfolds
i promise to forever hang onto you, your lover of gold
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p.s. if you are married or currently seeing someone, that’s totally fine. i am flexible and open to accommodating a variety of situations. if we cannot be husband and wife, secret lovers will suffice.
p.p.s. if you wanna get a better sense of my persona and what i look like, you can currently see me in an Ace Hardware, UPS, and McDonald’s commercial on TV. I’m the good looking asian guy with nice skin.
i await your correspondence, MK. don’t be shy…