I realize I’ve been posting a lot of entries in my “How To Survive” series recently. I usually like to spread them out, but I guess it’s just been one of those weeks where these urgent issues seem to be confronting us constantly. If you’re Asian American and on Facebook, you may have noticed a link to this article being sent around in the past couple of days: Are Korean-American women narrow-minded and uncultured?
The piece was posted a few months ago by Ricky Kim, a Korean American man like myself, and takes Korean American women to task for being superficial, materialistic and self-absorbed. He admits that Korean women are the most beautiful women in the world, but concludes by writing: “Even though it’s against my mother’s wishes, I probably won’t marry a Korean-American woman. I need to be passionately attracted to my significant other, and for the most part attractive Korean-American women have unattractive personal values. They don’t care about the issues. They care about themselves. They call me negative but I feel the most positive thing you can do is have the courage to address the painful realities in order to build a brighter future for our children.”
If you look at the comments responding to Kim’s original post, you’ll see the strong outrage directed against him and his views. Now, I know that many of our readers have never dated a Korean American woman but want to because–and I totally agree with my boy Ricky here–they are the hottest women on earth. But your knowledge in this area is limited because the only Korean American women you know of are either cylons:
Deserted on a strange tropical island:
Or have a golf club permanently attached to their hands:
So, you may be thinking: Are Korean American women really as bad as this guy Ricky Kim says? The answer is yes and yes, please! Not only that, but they’re actually far worse—my boy Ricky has only touched the tip of the iceberg. In a poll that someone told me about seeing somewhere at some point in time, Korean American women were voted the most high-maintenance of all Asian American women and the least desirable as wife material because of this (Japanese American women were ranked most desirable as wife material because, well, they live to take care of their men). But as we established, KA women are super hot and you’re still going to ask them out, so the least I can do is try to help you navigate through a potentially dangerous situation. For those of you who are going to brave that date with a Korean American woman, I offer these survival tips.
First, let’s address the question of how materialistic KA women really are. As Kim observes in his article: “Just the other day at a bar, I overheard Korean women talking to each other, saying that they would not date men who drove less than BMW’s.”
If a KA woman has agreed to go out on a date with you, it means she thinks you have money. So, if you don’t drive a Benz or at least a Lexus, if you’re not going to show up at her door with a dozen roses in one hand and the latest Prada Louis Vuitton purse in the other as your way of saying hello, if you can’t get a table next to Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore at the hottest restaurant in WeHo—then, you might as well stay home with a jar of Vaseline, some tissue and the cell phone photos you secretly snapped of that hot Korean chick who lives in your apartment complex and likes to lay out by the pool in her skimpy two-piece bikini because you have a better chance of scoring with your iPhone than you do on your date.
If you’re already the CEO of some Fortune 500 company or your last name is Clooney and you own a villa on a beautiful Italian lake, you have nothing to worry about. Hell, you shouldn’t even be reading this, you should be out there right now bopping Miss Koreatown on your private jet! But I’m going to assume that you are a normal Joe, you don’t have that kind of money and there are days when your 15 year old Honda Civic won’t even run.
Well, all is not lost, my friend. We live in America! In America, all our dreams can come true! In America, the underdog (that’s you–in case you’re a little slow) can come out on top! How? Because we have access to that wonderful thing known as high-interest credit cards! Get one. Better yet–get two or three. Remember—you are dating a KA woman—the Mount Everest of women! It’s going to be painful and expensive to reach this summit, but if you make it to the top and you plant your flag on that snowy peak, the fact that you will be bankrupt and in life-long debt will be worth it.
Now you have to be careful about the actual date itself. After all, you’ll be skipping lunch for the next 12 months so you can lease that expensive car (make sure it’s black), purchase your finely tailored Italian suit and pay for the meal at the hottest restaurant so you want things to go smoothly. The main thing to remember is—never, under any circumstances, go within a half mile radius of any high-end shopping mall, Rodeo Drive, Brentwood—basically any place where she has the chance to say any variation of the following phrase: “Don’t you think that dress would look good on me?” If you let this happen, it is the beginning of the end, my friend. Not only will you be buying her that $5000 dress on your first date, there will be the matching earrings, the five pairs of shoes, the jacket, the purses—it’s like entering a black hole. You will get sucked in and there is no coming back.
OK, let’s say you’ve avoided that pitfall. You’re at the fancy restaurant—Ashton and Demi cuddling at the next table over–and the waiter comes by and asks if the two of you would like a drink. You should know that Koreans love to drink. I read a statistic just today that said that in Korea, over three million bottles of soju are consumed every year (this is just soju, doesn’t include other alcohol). That comes out to a whopping 90 bottles of soju each year for every Korean person over the age of 20. Jinro, the most popular brand of soju, is the best-selling liquor on the planet earth.
You may be thinking—this is great news. I’ll get her drunk, her inhibitions will drop and we’ll be ending the night playing hide the mu kimchi back at her place. Thank you, Mr. or Mrs. Jinro!
(mu kimchi)
Wrong! Game over, man! Do not pass Go! Do not collect $200! First of all, repeat after me—she is Korean. In order to get her drunk enough for her inhibitions to drop, you will be spending more on alcohol on one date then you do on your rent for one month. Here’s the other thing about KA women—there is a naturally-occurring, invisible chastity belt protecting her and the only way to get rid of the belt and get to her thing is to show her the bling! She is not going to put out just because she’s drunk. Who do you think she is—a blond Caucasian chick?! It’s not worth it.
Now, I find it odd that the most dangerous part of dating a KA woman is never, ever addressed. Maybe it’s some secret we Koreans are not suppose to divulge, but I’m going to do it anyway. If you are dating a hot KA chick, I guarantee she is going to have a jealous ex-boyfriend who is a Kkhangpae, a Korean gangster or wannabe gangster, stalking her. In other words, he will be tailing you two on your date. But he should be easy to spot. He’ll be the handsome Korean guy who looks like a cross between a runway model and a street thug dressed in black:
At some point, he will come up to you (probably drunk) and challenge you to a fight. Not to worry, Korean gangsters rarely carry guns. Their weapons of choice are usually knives, baseball bats, wooden boards and hammers. Still, they can be scary, but my advice to you is to do nothing. Do not engage him. Why? Because your date will take care of this problem.
Which brings us to the final thing you need to know about KA women—they are fucking crazy and ill tempered! She can handle her ex-gangster boyfriend stalker on her own without you coming to the rescue. This is how the exchange will probably go (the dialogue spoken in Konglish of course):
Your date: Oppa, I told you I don’t want to see you ever again!
Gangster boy: But I love you! I’m gonna win you back, Susan Helen Grace!
Your date: Oppa, leave me alone!!!!
Before gangster boy can say anything else, your date has picked up a bottle chair table and smashed it against gangster boy’s head—knocking him out cold.
End of threat.
Now, if you survive all this and you escort your date home, keep in mind that you will NOT get lucky on the first date so don’t even try. Until you’ve handed over an appropriate amount of bling over a set period of time to remove that invisible chastity belt (it can take weeks or years—be patient—remember, you’re climbing Mt. Everest), you will not get anything more than a peck on the cheek and a handshake. Hey, but it’s worth it, isn’t it? After all, you are dating one of the most beautiful women in the world. Good luck! And hope this advice helps. Hwighting!
To the latest comment poster Stephanie,and to most Korean(born there in S.Korea) and Korean American women in general,
I’m a Latin American man who looks “white”,gree-eyed,light brown hair.( my great-granpa was English) I understand your frustration at this article. But before you answer please read it carefully.
The author specify clearly that he describes uncultured,and uneducated(civilized?)AK women. I don’t know what his experienced was,but I lived in NY,Broklyn,Queens,and many(not just a few) of the Korean(immigrants)and Korean Americans that I met seem to fit the “stereotype” he describes here. Maybe,it has to do with the standard “American Dream” pursuit that most of us immigrants seem to follow. I had dated many Asian(mostly Japanese and Korean) women who were attracted to me because I “looked white”. I prefer to keep a secret(to test them)that I was Latin,(my Latin accent could give me up)but they went for the “look”. they rarely asked me if I was Latin! Obviously I had white girlfriends too,But in HS and college,mostly Asian girls flirted with me. I don’t have prejudices so i dated any girl I found attractive. For some reason, KA girls were willing to have sex on the first date. More that other Asian,or White ,or Hispanic girls. So I wonder if the author forgot to mentioned that Korean and KA girls seem to be more sexually liberated than other type of girls. And I hope I’m not stereotyping. My worry was they didn’t care about condoms,even though I insisted on wearing them! I hope this doesn’t raise another issue.
I would like to share a related article to this topic:
http://www.koreanbeacon.com/2009/10/09/dear-johnny-what-do-korean-american-women-want/
Note that it’s usually AK guys who write these articles.
When Are we going to read AK girls/Women writing these
interesting perspectives? Ladies?
And not also read this:
http://www.koreanbeacon.com/tag/korean-women/
And watch the interesting youtube videos,especially from some( KA?) girls giving their reason fro dating “white men”!
I’ve somewhat have now become hesitant of approaching this KA girl that I’d love to get to know but nevertheless it won’t prevent me from doing so, although I am chinese-american so i wonder if that can pose as a problem ?
Wow! I am a Korean American woman and I am glad I don’t act like that!!!!! These statistics aren’t accurate cause I’m considered very low maintenance according to my husband, I hate doing my hair!!! Plus I do boxing, what kind of Korean woman can take and give a punch?! Then again I’m adopted and grew up in a white home so I’m a twinkie, yellow on the outside but white on the inside.For anyone reading this ridiculous article and to the author, there is a small percentage of KA women who are NOT high maintenance, they are just really hard too find. From reading this I’m ashamed to call myself Korean if KA women have such a bad reputation!
What a crock of shit. The author is trying to keep all dudes away from Korean gals to increase his chances or is a sucker that has been burnt too many times.
It is a game played by many women to try and get presents, money, assets from a guy however most suckers fall for it. Asian, Caucasian, black or green it is in their genes to be paid somehow before giving the major prize.
I have a super stunning Korean fox, 41kg and a total knockout and 8 years younger than me. I’m not rich, far from it, divorced with a daughter, I ‘m a muslim, bald and fat however i was able to attract this girl through persistence.
It took a year to actually to be able to date her and a long time to have sex with her. She did want a handbag worth $2000 for xmas which was 6 weeks after we were dating however I put her in her place and she still has not received it 18 months later. She never once asked for a thing for me to buy her again.
Sure she is complicated, demands all my attention hard to deal with especially one week of the month, hates my child and she has high expectations but we work through the bad times.
There is nothing better than having a trophy so beautiful by my side. Whats more exciting is the sex we have, still I have to work for it for at least 30 minutes of touching, massaging and kissing before she gives it. My total viagra she is.
I have had many different women from many different countries and they dont even come near the surface of competition.
Why have I gone for Korean? well they dont have any body scent, are extremely clean, incredible in bed and super thin and stunning.
My final word is if you do it right and have the correct expectations, you too will find the woman of your dreams. If she gives it too easy then u will be bored. If you need to work for it every time then you have just found the kind of girl that will keep you stimulated.
A word on Blacks or racism, I think every non black person has a racist feeling toward a black person even if they do not express it in public, not just Koreans.
I have been noticing(I live in New York City) that many Korean girls seem to be dating more Blacks and Hispanics lately. Since I was surprised, I asked some Black and Hispanic friends dating these girls,if they were Ak or Korean born. the Black guys said they were Korean born,and only one Hispanic guy admitted his girlfriend is Korean American!
All these guys are into K-Pop,so I wonder if Korean girls are now identifying their new boyfriends through rap music? Also some of these guys mentioned that a few of the K-Pop idols girls are starting to date also Blacks and Hispanics when stay in NYC! And to prove it,he(a Black guy) showed me some pics of wild,drink and drugs after concert party(he was a DJ at the party) he seemed to have been kissing and fondling two girls that looked drunk or high,and looked like a couple girls from the Wondergirls group. But, since some Korean girls look alike, I kind of doubted it. hHat would be “food” for the tabloids,though.
These will be based on the preferences that you select.
It all looked weird and suspicious when online dating
began, many people were of the opinion that no normal
person in their right sense would fall in love
with someone they’d never met before. It is of no surprise anymore why there are plenty of men from the west who feel interested about the women of the east and are checking them out through Asian dating chat.
Asking questions are actually good thing if you are not understanding something fully,
except this piece of writing provides nice understanding yet.
you can take the entire article and replace it with any nationality and anyone reading this article will agree. within any group there will always be an example, but you have to take it with a grain of salt at the end of the day.