NORITH

Norith Soth did not change his name. That shit is real. Norith has watched more films than an entire nuclear family. He has written more scripts than any 5, ok, let’s not exaggerate, make it 3.5, creepy, plaid shirted Caucasians at Starbucks (that’s a lot of scripts). He always believes his next film will be the “Citizen Kane” of that genre. He aims high. That’s why he falls hard. But aiming high is all he knows.

Some people come to this country to become doctors, lawyers, politicians, to pursue the American Dream… my older brother, Bora, had a dream too and he achieved it with flying colors: To not get job, not pay rent and not have any ambition in life. It’s harder than you think.

                                BORA
Hi, I cannot get to the phone right now, but I will get back to you as soon as I’m able to.

Bora Soth was a good student. Cypress High Class of ’87. 3.5 GPA. Speaks three languages fluently. English, Cambodian and French. Great vocabulary. Amazing memory. Rain Man-esque really. He’ll tell you what phone number you had 20 years ago…

                                 BORA
714-xxx-xxxx was our phone number from ’01 to ’05, stupid.

He’s obsessed over birthdays, which he memorizes as a hobby. Uncles, cousins, grandparents, pets, and his favorite… celebrity birthdays. Tell him what day you were born and he’ll tell you which movie star shares your birth date.

                                   BORA
Which celebrities are born on my birthday? How can you be so oblivious? December 23rd. That’s Corey Haim, Estella Warren,
Joan Severance and Jim Harbaugh.

My brother also loves white guys. Especially, but not limited too, white athletes. Last Thanksgiving, we were watching a College Game with a bunch of estranged relatives and Bora knew all the good looking players… and everyone thought he was really into football. But he’s actually into Drew Brees, J.J.Redick, Phillip Rivers, Tyler Hansbrough, Luke Walton, Andy Roddick, etc.

                                  BORA
Drew Brees is January 15th, he’s a Cap(short for Capricorn), Phillip Rivers is December 8th, he’s a Sag (short for Sagittarius).
I taped their games to watch later.

In fact, he calls me all the time to hunt down this celebrity data. He doesn’t know how to turn on a computer. He has the brain of a computer but cannot turn one on to save his life.

                                   BORA
I need these names. It’s really crucial.

Every religion has its own version of the end of the world. I believe the Hindu religion prophesizes that a clear sign is when people are rewarded for their bad behavior, a sort of inverted Karma. Reward for evil acts. Let’s see, Bush gets a second term for nearly bankrupting the entire system, banks get money for gambling with people’s life savings into the toilet… my brother refuses to get a job and has lived rent free his entire life. Maybe the Hindus are on to something here.

So, how did my brother manage to be 40 and never pay rent or get a job? Well, the short and long answer is… nothing. He just did not do anything. When high school was over, he didn’t apply to college. When he was told to get a job, he simply ignored the demands. Years went by. Insults were thrown at him. He held his ground. Like the 40-year-old Virgin, it just happened. He woke up a 40-year-old man, or whatever you want to call him, living in his room, unemployed, with notebooks full of celebrity birthdays and framed pictures of shirtless guys (my brother’s other hobby is secretly taking pictures of shirtless dudes at Venice Beach and framing his favorite pictures like you would relatives). That’s his American Dream in a nutshell and he’s living it large.

                                    BORA
Hey, do you have a couple bucks? Hey, I took 53 pictures today. I captured so many today.

I couldn’t stand this motherfucker for years. When he called me, it made me sick to my stomach. When he visited me in my office and explained how he had gone through 5 disposable cameras, I could hardly look at him. I couldn’t believe I was related to this guy. That our bodies like contained… the same blood.

Bora was coming by so frequently, and talking about his hobby so feverishly, my girlfriend, Mich, got interested in doing a short documentary about him. And then my girlfriend became obsessed over him.

Triple voyeurism. Audience watches Mich’s point of view of Bora’s point of view. The results were bizarre and disturbing. People we showed the film to felt dirty, inappropriate, like they had watched something they shouldn’t have seen. “Private Eye Candy” drew equal fascination and revolt.

Mich and I had enjoyed such good laughs in the editing room that I began to see Bora through a screen instead of real life. And I started to actually like my brother.

It hit both of us, this guy has charisma, he has… that “thing” that Woody Allen has, that screen presence that you can’t teach. The camera was in love with him. It was undeniable. He was funny, confident, poised. It was shocking to realize this.

We loved watching it. We loved watching him. We were his biggest fans. We missed working on the film when it was over.

Two and a half years later, we’re nearly done with the feature film “The Wife Master”. This movie has everything you just read. Bora’s obsession over celebrity birthdays. His picture taking bravado. It’s a tribute to his existence. Wow. I can’t believe I just said that.

We’ve had some test screenings and, despite what anyone thinks of the movie, they agree unanimously that Bora is exceptionally good in his first starring role. “The Wife Master” is such a crazy, hilarious, emotionally bloodthirsty experience, I can’t wait for people to see it and react but I can’t and will probably never get over the fact that – contrary to everything I believe in – he didn’t earn the opportunity. But is he any different than Lindsay Lohan or any other spoiled rotten brat in Hollywood?

Yes, my brother has been living in the same room since the first “Die Hard” came out 22 years ago, he’s unemployed, he has the ambition of Suzuki Samurai in a street race. But you can also say, he had his American Dream so mastered, that he took on another one. As I said, maybe the Hindus are on to something.

Mich and I always joke about our worse fear… we give Bora power. He has nothing. He stars in a movie. He runs for office. He runs for President. His sick mind rules over people… his sick mind rules the world… uh, I actually have to go because he’s calling me and I promised him I’d get him some birthdays tonight.

(Read Norith’s previous guest blog here)