Our friends at KoreAm Magazine are honoring my fellow Offender Sung Kang (a.k.a Han from Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift) at their annual Unforgettable Gala Fundraiser this Saturday night in Los Angeles. Unfortunately, I won’t be in attendance as I will be in New York with my other fellow Offenders Justin and Elaine so I thought I could pay an early tribute to Sung and talk about why I think he deserves to be honored.

I’m currently sitting at an outdoor coffee place, in between meetings, and figure this is as good a time as any to write a few words in memory honor of Mr. Sung Kang. Let’s see…what I can I say about him…hmm…OK, let’s start by simply letting people know who Sung is:

Sung Kang is an Asian American actor.

That’s good. Start simply. Save the meaty stuff for later. Let’s see, what can I say next…Wow, not to get off-topic, but it’s really a beautiful day. It’s hard to believe it’s almost December when it’s sunny and 75 degrees out. Seems a shame that I’m sitting at a coffee shop on my computer when I should be out enjoying a day like this. But…sorry, getting off track here. I need to focus and write something awesome about Sung. So what do I have so far?

Sung Kang is an Asian American actor.

Good, good, again a very strong start. Simple yet effective. Maybe I can talk about some of the roles he’s—holy shit, check out the boobs on that chick!!! No way those can be real, but they look really natural. If those are the work of some doctor, all I can say is that doctor is an artist. The Banksy of medicine.

But I’m getting off the subject. Back to Sung. You know what’d be awesome? If I could write something about him that would be so moving and inspirational that people would be crying and shit as they read this blog. But the trick is to do that without going overboard with the praise. ‘Cause I mean it’s cool Sung’s being honored and all, but it’s not like he’s receiving the Nobel Prize for wiping out world hunger and brokering peace in the Middle East. No, basically, he’s being honored for looking cool while driving real fast…and being Asian.

So I need to say something moving and inspirational, but avoid doing shit like comparing him to Gandhi, otherwise, he’d look like a pompous ass and I’d look like a pompous ass. So maybe I should—oh shit, there’s the chick with the big boobs again!!! Girl, come over here so I can bounce this quarter off your breast. What is she doing—just strutting back and forth down the street hoping I’ll keep paying attention to her or…wait, focus, focus! It’s not about tits right now. It’s about Sung. So let me see what I have so far…

Sung Kang is an Asian American actor.

OK, OK, I can work with that. I got it…I can talk about how he’s breaking stereotypes of Asian men. Like with his character of Han in the Fast and Furious movies—he’s really suave and “delicious” as Sung likes to say. Which is weird because Sung is not like that at all in real life. In fact, he’s kind of geeky…a dork really. Not suave or delicious at all. Got no game with the honeys. You could even say that the only time he’s fast is in bed, which makes the ladies furious. Oh, that’s good. I need to write that down to use later: You could even say that the only time he’s fast is in bed, which makes the ladies furious. Awesome!

And what’s up with Sung calling everything “delicious”? That doesn’t even make any sense. I guess being an actor, he has no idea what that word means. And to be honest, Sung’s not all that. Don’t get me wrong—he’s OK, but as I’ve blogged before, if I had to pick one of my male Offenders to make sweet love to, it wouldn’t be Sung, it’d be Anderson!

I mean just look at that fine piece of Vietnamese pho meat! Not that I’m gay or anything! I’m just putting this out there hypothetically ’cause in reality, I’d only have sex with Anderson if I had to—like if someone had a gun to my head or he and I were the only people left on earth and had to fuck each other to repopulate the planet. Anyway—back to Sung and honoring him…oh shit, look at the time. I’m late for my next meeting! I should really go, but because I care about Sung so much, let me finish my tribute to him. So what I have so far is:

Sung Kang is an Asian American actor.

Actually…you know what? I think that’s good enough. It’s simple, but makes the point I want to make effectively and with a minimum of bullshit. I like it. I really like it a lot. So there you are, my tribute to Mr. Sung Kang:

Sung Kang is an Asian American actor.

Thank you. Stay delicious!