“Iowa court OK’s firing of ‘attractive’ worker. Justices say dentist can cut employee to avoid an affair.” The AP.
Honey, you are going to be so proud of me. Well, now just hold your horses. Let a fella put down his keys and take off his jacket. This, sweetikins, is big. Those dishes can wait. Let’s open one of those bottles of ’98 Screaming Eagle we’ve been saving.
OK – you ready? so what did I just do? Well, I only just saved our marriage is what I did!
No, what? Absolutely we don’t have any problems – that’s enough for me, moonpie – but have as much as you like. Hon, it’s about the problems we don’t have, but could’ve had…honey, slow down, you sound like Charlie Brown’s parents here.
You know Melissa, from work? Well, yes, you’re right, of course you do, she’s been there ten years, and you work there, too. Do I remember what job you do? Well, bunny, now that is a ridiculous question. You’re in billing, or denture molds…well, here, let’s have some more of that—whoops!-no problem-I can get another bottle.
Accidents happen, jelly roll, and your hands are probably still wet. Yes, of course I appreciate the twenty years you’ve spent washing our dishes. What kind of silly question is that, angel breath?
You sure you don’t want to sit down? Okay: here it is. I fired Melissa! For us!
Ah, you should’ve seen it, sugar booger: I walked right up to her and I told her that my bulging pants were a sign that her clothes were too revealing – oh shoot, I’ll get the broom, you get the mop—okay, you’re right, never mind–four more bottles, we’re still good.
You sure you don’t want to sit? Standing there like that clutching that corkscrew so hard can’t be comfy for you.
So like I was saying, in order not to try to bang her three ways to Sunday and throw our marriage in the trash, I fired her! Just like that.
Why did I wait ten years to do it? Well, you saw her work yourself – no one held a Blue Boa suction pipe like Mel did. How old is she? Now, you mean? 32. I think. No, I’ve never met her husband, but I hear Gregory’s a great guy.
Did I actually say “bulging?”
Why, of course I did! You know I feel I can tell you everything, beanie butt. That’s how close we are. Do you know how much stronger this is gonna make our union? Get this: I once even told Mel, after she complained about her infrequent sex life with the Gregger —how did we get onto the topic of her sex life? Gosh – honestly – I can’t remember. I think we were just riffing off Mr. Anderson’s impacted molar – how it just seemed to get bigger the more we pulled on it, and—did I tell her about the frequency of our sex life? Oh, boy, again, big picture, love loaf, hard to say. They subpoenaed my texts, so you think they would’ve found–whoa! Careful, there, honey, that corkscrew came darn near my face.
Sure you don’t wanna dry your hands?
OK, well, I’m just gonna finish up from behind the chair here. So when she tells me her old man isn’t slipping it to her enough, I tell her “that’s like having a Lamborghini in the garage and never driving it!” Right off the top of my head I came up with that!
It sounds to you like I spent a lot of time coming up with that zinger? Really? Well, again, I haven’t read the transcripts closely, but you should’ve seen her face and her supple, pouty lips! And the best part is, it wasn’t even close. 7 – 0. Seven to zip, nada, zilch. That’s what the Supreme Court said. Honey, we won! We won big!
You are definitely not seeing the big picture here, teddy bear. I just saved our marriage, is what I did. And you know what? I want you – yes, you, my darling, my one-and-only, the air that I breathe – to hire our next hygienist. Actually, this gal just dropped off her resume:
Now how’s about we go upstairs and take daddy’s little Lamborghini out for a test drive to celebrate? Not tonight? Not this month? Well, a year’s extreme, doncha think? Okay, okay, well, sweet chops, you know best. Meantime, you just lemme know when it’s safe to crawl out from behind this chair.