Some famous guy once did a speech or something where he was, like, “I have a dream that people won’t judge other people on the car they drive or whether they are white or not or whether they eat at Carl’s Jr. or Hardee’s.”
That was twenty years ago and while society still – unfortunately – remains prejudiced against Hardee’s patrons, the other stuff that guy talked about in his dream have now come true.
But now a new bias has begun to surface from within the social consciousness and this new bias is against glasses.
Yes, that’s right – glasses.
I’m not one for overstatement but glasses discrimination is the biggest cultural threat this world’s seen since the band Phish.
Its insidious nature has allowed it to come this far without notice though I fear it will not be long until it is part of the zeitgeist of the times.
This disturbing behavior was brought to my attention by a young man working at McDonald’s.
As he was taking my order, I complimented him on his brilliantly white spectacles. What could one do but compliment a man whose style was so much better than everyone else’s?
Never mind the fact that I too wear white glasses – it’s just one of those things you can’t question!
Anyway, as I praised him, he could respond only dejectedly. ”Dear sir,” he answered, “if only all individuals were like you!” I did not disagree. He went on:
“People are prone to ridicule my ivory frame (coincidentally, he was white), though I know not why! Once a fellow flatly refused that I serve him on the basis that my glasses were the shade of virgin snow.”
At this, I was outraged, verily so. A series of questions raced through my head:
Why would anyone discriminate based on as trivial a fact as eyewear color? What difference did he think it would make? Wasn’t white the only color that couldn’t be discriminated against?
I comforted him as best as I could and called him “brother.” Solidarity was the only thing I could offer – nay – the best thing I could offer. For I knew very well the feelings he confided.
A couple months ago, I was taking this woman out on a first date and, after dinner (which I paid for), she told me quite plainly that the reason I wasn’t going to get invited up for coffee and quality hoo-hah time was because I wore white glasses.
…actually, what she really said was “If you’re gonna slip me a roofie, you should at least wait until my back is turned.” but it’s without question that glasses discrimination was in the subtext!
So if there are any of you out there now afraid to set foot outside because you’re wearing pink frames or bottlecap lenses or gender-specific spectacles not corresponding to your gender – to you, I say:
“BE NOT AFRAID! GO OUT BOLDLY INTO THAT BIG, BRIGHT WORLD AND SHOWS THOSE BIGOTS THEY NEED A NEW PRESCRIPTION… (THIS IS WHERE I PAUSE) WITH WHICH TO SEE THE WORLD CLEARLYIER!”
Unless your frames have rhinestones – that’s a crime against fashion, HELLO!