Not my legs, but I own the same brace!

“You tried to trick your body?  Like what, it wouldn’t NOTICE what it was doing?  It’s just gonna wake up and say, ‘Oh look, I’m running.’” My friend was mocking me.

He was right.

A little over a week ago, I tried ‘sneaking’ in a run.  I was hoping that I could just do it.  The sun was peeking out (or it wasn’t) but something was just beckoning me to get out there, hit the trail, who-knows-how-far-you’ll-go? I figured, “If I don’t tell my knee I’m running, maybe it won’t start screaming at me.” (I’m currently waiting for health insurance approval.)  Anyway, I ran.  It was glorious.  My stress melted away and I started feeling powerful again, free as a bird, un-tethered from the world and all its problems!  It was only 3 miles.  In olden days, that would have been a warm-up to the main mileage.  But I didn’t care.  3 miles was enough: enough to climb San Bruno mountain, enough to see sleepy San Francisco still draped in a cape of woolly fog, enough to see the bay twinkling at my back, enough to see the rain coming down in sheets over the Pacific Ocean.  There is nothing like being alone and running: honestly, it’s like being an animal and being one with the world around you.  You look at all the people who walk and you just wanna take their hand and make them run with you.  The wind feels like kisses from god and he dries your brow with cool compresses of air.  You hear your heart beat in your throat and it rattles your ear drums.  The soft falls of your feet is matched only by the different surfaces it skims: the thud of soil, the crunch of gravel, the tearing of grass.  I felt radiant!

Knee started to whine at mile 2.  ”Keep going,” I thought, “it just needs to be warmed up.”  Twinge. Twinge. Twinge. TWINGE! Gritted my teeth. “Please go away.  Please use this time to heal.” I inwardly pray. The stretchy pain persisted.  By mile 3, I thought I’d give it a rest.  ”Let it be.”

Its revenge?  3 days of stair-climbing hell.  (If you’ve never had a knee injury, you’ve never realized how much pressure you put on it when you’re going DOWN the stairs.  Think of it as mini-migraines to the knee.)

Am I despondant?  A little.  It doesn’t stop me from hiking and snowshoeing and xc-skiing although maybe I should stop.  I’ve been swimming again.  Found an outdoor pool in Brisbane.  It’s a measly 25 yards but at least I can swim under the fog, stars, and slim sunshine in the bay area.  There is a poetic nature swimming too.  Try swimming at night when the pool lights are lit below you.  It feels very much like being in a womb-like outer space Stanley Kubrick film.

However, it feels like I have to put a hold on my dream of becoming an ultrarunner this year.  I am sad, but  I’m looking for the silver lining and I know it’s there somewhere….

If any of you want, run my ultra-marathon FOR me!  It’s the Skyline to the Sea trail… 30+ miles of redwood trees and gasp! it’s all DOWNHILL.  You might find euphoria along the way.  Run strong!