Spam - 2

1) SPAM:

I’m not referring to the junk emails promising us $1 million from some dead, distant relative in Uganda, but the delicious and versatile meat product that’s like a party in a can. So why do white people think it’s gross? Growing up, there was nothing I loved more than Spam musubi or a hot serving of Spam fried rice, but my white friends found it disgusting. That’s when I realized that white people look at Spam as a cheap, lower-class “mystery meat” while for many Asians and Hawaiians, it is the ultimate comfort food. Countries like Korea and Japan were introduced to Spam during wartime when meat was rare and the Hormel company (the makers of Spam) has continued to market to that demographic; ensuring its popularity. To this day, very few things make me happier than walking into my local Korean supermarket and seeing rows of Spam prominently displayed in a pyramid stack for all the world, or at least shoppers at Korean markets, to proudly see.

2) CELINE DION:

Walk into any café in any Asian ethnic enclave and at some point, you’re likely to hear Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On” playing over the stereo. Go out to karaoke with a group of Asians and someone will select this song prompting a massive and passionate group sing-a-long. Dion isn’t my cup of tea (sorry, Roger) but I get why people might like her; especially Asians whose tastes tend to lean toward the melodramatic i.e. Korean soap operas. But while white people will embrace a song like “My Heart Will Go On” with ironic detachment (you’re more likely to hear it playing in a homoerotic Saturday Night Live sketch then as the soundtrack to a sincere love scene), Asians are genuinely moved by this shit. I’ve seen Asians listen to this song and cry. I wanted to include a clip of some Asian(s) singing “My Heart Will Go On” to punctuate my point, but when I went online, I found so many versions—from bad karaoke to good violin interpretations—that it was hard to choose just one. So here’s a clip I simply selected at random:

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3) DISREGARDING POLITICAL DECORUM AND CIVILITY:

When Congressman Joe Wilson interrupted President Obama’s health care speech by shouting out “you lie,” there was such an outcry from liberal and conservative white folk alike about how disrespectful and uncalled for that was. Have these people ever seen how the political process works in some Asian countries? Anyone who thinks Asians are quiet and passive need only attend a parliamentary session in a country like Taiwan or South Korea to see how heated things can get. Shouting out something like “you lie” would be downright civil. Here’s a clip of a fight that broke out during a session of Parliament in Taiwan:

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And here’s a fight from a South Korean session of Parliament:

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4) TALKING SHIT BEHIND PEOPLE’S BACK:

I know white people do this too, but they feel bad about it. They may still do it anyway, but they know it’s wrong. For Asians, talking smack behind someone’s back is normal and guilt-free—I mean, how else are we supposed to disseminate and learn information about what’s going on, right? I’ve seen Asian folk talk to someone and say all these nice things about them to their face, and turn right around and say the worst shit about them to another person. Am I condoning this? Nope, I think we should be like white people in this regard and be more direct—if I hate you, I’m not going to pretend to like you. But there’s something about the passive-aggressive thing that we seem to be so good at; that’s so ingrained in our being. Well, unless you’re a member of the Taiwanese or Korean Parliament ‘cause then you’re definitely going to be more direct with your trash talking.

5) SNEAKING FOOD INTO MOVIE THEATERS:

Again, I know white people do this too, but at most, they’ll sneak in a sandwich or a can of soda. Asians will sneak in a whole 15-course meal. When I went to see Wolverine earlier this summer, there was this Chinese family a few rows back that literally brought in a full-blown meal which they hungrily devoured during the course of the movie. They busted out dumplings, soup, fried rice, noodles, barbecued pork and more. They didn’t care that everyone in the theater was giving them dirty looks and that they made the place smell like stinky tofu and herbal medicine. It’s a small price to pay to avoid the ridiculously expensive snacks at the concession stand. And how can you call it a concession stand anyway when you don’t even sell roast duck or adobo or at least a snack-sized serving of kim chi? Hell, what other choice is there but to bring in your own food?!