Honestly, it sucks to be a woman sometimes. I wish I had a penis. All it would do is stand up at inappropriate times and maybe even entertain me for hours. (Look! It goes up, then down, then up, then down…)
In celebration of Alfredo’s ongoing “3 Good Things, 3 Bad Things”, I’ve got a list to share with you. It’s the PMS list.
3 Good Things About Being A Woman
1. We get to wear bright, soft things made of cashmere and fluff our faces with the finest powders and silkiest brushes.
2. We are naturally able to multi-task.
3. We are more flexible, physically and mentally.
3 Bad Things About Being A Woman
1. (If you are a woman that doesn’t suffer from this, congratulations! I hope you never do, it’s the pits) PMS. That time of the month where your irrational, irritable side comes out and you can’t understand why. You start cutting a watermelon and all of a sudden, you’re crying because you just cut a watermelon. And the worse thing is, you KNOW you’re illogical. You float outside your body staring at this creature that’s taken over your identity and you’re screaming, “Snap out of it man!” but your creature self has now screamed at your mother for making dinner. You float in this haze of “I gotta get it together!” and every man is snickering behind your back, high-fiving each other for having the stability of testosterone to get them thru the day. And despite it all, you continue to work, you continue to function, because every one else says it’s all in your head. For years I’ve said I was bi-polar because mental illness is much more accepted than PMS-ing.
2. Birth control can make you feel like you’re on PMS. I had tried “The NuvaRing” for a few months and I couldn’t understand why I felt so blue. I would cry in class only because I was in class and somehow I felt ignored. (I know! It’s crazy!) Every guy balked when we were getting frisky and I’d drop the bomb that I wasn’t on hormonal contraception. Well, if you want to feel like you’re having a bad hang-over everyday and that your emotions are like little gremlins that multiply with the touch of water, then by all means, gentlemen, YOU get on the male birth control pill. Oh wait, our land of consumers hasn’t been demanding that product much, but we’ll stem the tide that wants to eradicate erectile dysfunction because that obviously is much more important.
3. Breasts get in the way of everything!
And then again… tomorrow, everything goes back to normal….. cheers! Have fun with your girlfriends!
Poor watermelon
Feel better Bev
awww! I don’t think i’ve ever met a girl who doesn’t suffer from PMS :S Also, boobs totally *do* get in the way of everything.
lynn & bev
boobs can never get in the way of anything. boobs can do no wrong. boobs are always welcome.
bev, do you really want a penis, really? that means you would have to transform physically to engage in sex. when penis goes up – good. when penis won’t go up – bad. a man’s journey is a lonely and challenging one…
Another man problem are those erections lasting more than 4 hours. guys in my phone book mad at me calllin all the time.
The only problem with boobs happens during PMS. They get all sensitive, BUT period boobs always look amazing.
if you have boobs the size of watermelon, it definitely get in a way of everything..
agree with morgan, period boobs look amazing.
Period boobs look amazing??? That’s great, but most men are scared of period sex.
And Roger, yes, it’d be awesome to ‘transform’ during sex. It’d be like trying to grow a sunflower or a gladiola… from my pelvis!
Do you know the reson it’s called PMS? Cuz Mad Cow disease was already taken!!!
[...] women have no symptoms, but me? I become IRRATIONAL with a healthy dose of DEPRESSION. Take PMS and multiply it by 10. And worse, my libido is just dead. I’m so depressed, the acting of [...]
[...] F** YOU! IT’S CALLED PMS!!!!! [...]
Dang….that’s a lot of SPAM. LOSERS (the idiot spammers with nothing else better to do). ;-p
Omg yes, I agree period boobs look and feel amazing! Much more firm and full. The rest of pms…NO.