I wasn’t in full agreement with fellow offender, Phil’s list. So to save face for my people, I came up with my own. And in typical Chinese fashion, I had to have 18 (not 14, god forbid) to complete my list. So as this list unfolds, just imagine that each word is a flip card being turned over in unison by a football stadium size troupe of Chinese preteens who then make their exit while doing a ribbon dance routine choreographed to a robust rendition of ‘Con te partirò aka Time To Say Goodbye’. Stand by fireworks…GO!
1. It’s always about saving face. Choosing Macdonalds over In and Out! How could you, we’re going to lose face!
2. They love the 3 and 8, but not the 4.
3. They hand out business cards with both hands as if they were presenting you a diamond ring in a Tiffany box.
4. They know how to make mysterious animal body parts taste really good.
5. If you end up on a desert island or at the very least, a long tourbus ride they will have a packet of tissues, snacks to survive on for a month, and some kind of multi-use gadget that can MacGyver you out of any situation and best of all, it cost only $1!
6. They know how to replicate anything from a Mona Lisa to limited edition Adidas. Waiting for this to happen with luxury and vintage cars…Where’s my Porsche speedster with the Chinese engine?
7. They are determined to hunt down the one Chinese restaurant even if they are in Antarctica.
8. They thrive on crowds and densely packed subways and buses.
9. There’s no such thing as tossing stuff out. They save every container or piece of string known to man to reuse for some future purpose.
10. If you invite them over to your home they will bring bags of oranges, Cadbury chocolate with nuts, a tin of Royal Dansk Danish butter cookies(make sure you reuse the tin), Essence of Chicken, and a collection of dried vegetation, herbs and sea creatures that is not some kind of briny smelling potpourri but super expensive, longevity yielding soup ingredients.
11. When they serve you dinner, they will make sure you eat until you explode.
12. They believe cash is king and debt is for everyone else.
13. They will kick your butt in sports that are about individual performance, and require finesse, fast reflexes, and sometimes strategic thinking – ping pong, badminton, diving, gymnastics, wushu of course…and mahjong.
14. They will eat a banquet size dinner as a midnight snack.
15. If they own a restaurant they will be the only ones to stay open if you walk in after closing and to deliver even if every place has closed due to inclement weather. (Chinese restaurants have saved me many a times during snow-ins back East).
16. They will sooner wrestle you to the death than to have you reject their hospitality or have you pay the check.
17. They first love red, then gold.
18. They can fix any ailment you have from a head cold to broken limbs with their hands, a bit of tiger balm, and a bowl of hot murky, soup that tastes like something the Sherwood Forest would have excreted.
My husband is Chinese, and I have to agree that many of these are true. More so for my in-laws and people I know who immigrated as adults from China. Not so much for my husband, who is pretty Americanized. But he does appreciate good Chinese food. As do I. Pass the beef tendon!
You go, Elaine!
Royal Dansk Danish butter cookies. SO TRUE!!!
given the fact that the empty tins were the only toys i had to play with as a child. yes, i’m fishing for sympathy here
as for how to tell if someone is a Chinese male…
minimal facial and body hair. as if puberty never arrived
LMAO! This was some funny stuff! My family is not Chinese, but we did have lots of Danish cookies and I did play with the empty tins, Roger, but they were not my ONLY toy. So you do have my sympathy
My parents also save almost everything under the sun and it bothers me to no end. And yeah they save those damn twistie things.
Also I do feel that when I go to someone’s house for the first time I MUST get them something. Like yeah, some oranges or some other kind of fruit basket, a plant, a vase or something like that.
I do carry lots of stuff in my hand bag and often my friends are like, “what DON’T you have in that bag”?! loool
Holy crap! The Royal Dansk cookies! What is with that anyway? So universal. Brings back childhood memories of both eating the cookies, and yes, playing with the tins. Want a drum set? Here’s a Royal Dansk tin and a wooden spoon. Knock yourself out, kid. And #14 – I’ll never forget a trip to Seattle and getting dinner at 11:30pm in Chinatown. The restaurant was FULL of patrons and it was loud in there as though it were lunchtime. Crazy. This post is TRUTH.
Kudos on the post Elaine. You were spot-on with the Royal Dansk Danish butter cookies. You covered a majority of the stereotypes but unfortunately not all of them apply.
No In and Out joints on the East coast :[
And yes, bootlegs are the heart of Chinese business, but I wouldn’t trust knock-off electronics let alone a car… covered in lead paint. It’d go Ford Pinto starting up!
Great points though :}
Glad we’re all waxing nostalgic about those blue tins. Do people still give out Royal Dansk Danish cookies though? I’m wondering if it’s a remnant of the Gen-X Chinese generation…
Dang, those Royal Dansk cookies. I like the pretzel shaped cookie with the sugar crystals! Those are my favorite!
I liked the round ones, non sugar-coated.
Those were my favorites too beverly! I loved washing them down with tea
All the Royal Danish Cookies in the blue tins TASTED the same; just in different shapes. I most liked the uncoated, swirled shape.
I’ve observed that Chinese enjoy banquet-sized dinners for lunch too.
I believe the White Flower ointment is more prevalent than Tiger Balm. Hated getting that stuff accidentally in my eye (from little fingers that couldn’t leave a bug bite coated with White Flower alone).
Watching the old Chinese fight over a restaurant check was sometimes hilarious.
Bwahahahahaha Royal Dansk, baby!! I thought we were the only family that had them and had completely forgotten about them for like 10 years or so. Glad to know Elaine and the commenters have all partaken of the Double Decked Butter Cookie Gods. I’ve never felt such bonding with a bunch of total strangers in my entire life.
loool MacLu! we all must be kindred spirits or something
Elaine–you forgot Chinese obsession with plastic bags. I remember grandma used to store plastic bags in plastic bags and everything needed to be wrapped in plastic to create a thin forcefield of cleanliness. She used to wrap thermos bottles, shoes, Dansk cookie tins, medicine, etc.
It was as if collecting plastic bags was payback for all the other ways you were getting screwed in life. The plastic fetish extends to plastic wrapping couches, remote controls and computer keyboards or leaving the original plastic and “Brand New!” stickers on refrigerators and electronic equipment but that’s another story altogether.