It’s time.  But I was too scared today.

I know that you, like me, have many dreams.  World Peace (or ‘whirled peas’… I love that joke, it never gets old to me) and what not.  But, believe it or not, at the end of 2008, I made a ‘bucket list‘ or a ‘list of things to do in this life before I kick the bucket’.  It’s my ‘Life List’.  I allowed myself a chance to dream that anything was possible for about 3 hours and just wrote and wrote.

When I stopped, I looked at the list and that negative little inner voice just kept piping up: “Oh, that’s purely selfish.” “Oh, you still want to do that?  You failed at that, didn’t you?  ”Oh come on, you’re not even good at that!”  I put it away…. a childish notion of living.

But I do believe in the quote: Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.

I looked at that list this week and realized, wow, this is ME.  All my innermost secrets on paper!  And I realized that if I didn’t TRY to do them, then this life- which is an incredible gift as is- will never fulfill the joyful odyssey my imagination yearns to give it.

I’m going to share a few of them with you.  Before I die, I’m going to:

#1- circumnavigate the world in a sailboat (this may have to be altered since I suffer from seasickness)

#31- travel thru Mongolia by horseback (hmm, don’t like horses either)

#15- thru-hike the John Muir Trail, the Appalachian (although it sounds boring) Trail, and/or the Pacific Crest Trail (less mosquitoes and mice, more bears and carrying your poop in a plastic bag)

#32- raise a child to adulthood (notice that I didn’t say anything about birthing one)

#10- publish a book (gosh, I guess that means I have to write it)

#24- live aboard a houseboat for many happy years (again, the seasickness…hmm)

#14- learn to maintain a motorcycle and criss-cross the country on it (mmm, wind)

#7- volunteer with the Peace Corps

#20- teach acting to the blind

#16- learn how to expertly utilize a rifle, bow and arrow, and pistol

#27-share a lifetime of love, adventure, truth, communication, mutual respect, passion, creation, and success with my loving, equal soul mate (guess I’ll have to hunt one down)

#33- own a dog (so many to choose from!)

#23- create a group of amazing friends to write and produce our own theatrical shows/happenings (how the hell does one start this????)

… and a few others that I am far to shy to share with people in general.

Selfish?  Perhaps.  But I honestly claim them as my own.

But what I’m going to make happen is silly and childish, but fills me with such excitement, that the world just became a bright, glowing playground of possibilities!  I’m manifesting how to make #2 of my list of #36 life desires true:

-become an ultra-marathoner

Yup.  Ever since I heard about this tiny sport of running distance from 30 miles to 150 miles or more, I’ve been intrigued.  I’m also physically not the right candidate: flat feet, knock-knees, slow as molasses.  But!  I run with a bunch of ultra-marathoners and the way they talk about it, it seems so… possible.  Isn’t that a faboo word?  POSSIBLE.

I say this to you after not running for almost 6 months.  I’ve been sidelined with an injury (and no health insurance) and had to give it a rest.  Next weekend, I’ll be running my first race this year: the Bizz Johnson 1/2 marathon up in the Lassen National Forest.

I’m scared.  Relearning my body after an injury is interesting, it’s like learning to talk to it and asking it, “How far can you go today?”  Today, I wanted to run 10 miles.  Today, it said, “Not today.”  I ended up at the Sweeney Ridge Trailhead at dusk, and I got scared by the recent mountain lion sitings.  My mind stubbornly said, “Get the hell on the trail!”  My body said, “I’m freakin’ tired today, and I honestly can not think quick enough to survive a mountain lion encounter.”

So I sat in my car, frustrated by the hurdle.  However, this time was different.

Most of the time, I would’ve said, “Ah well!  Next time,” and driven away.  But instead, my mind was strategizing.  ”I can take a break today, I’ve been working on my base for a few weeks… I’ll do the 1/2 marathon, then another trail 1/2 marathon in December…The North Face Endurance sounds good… then, I’ll get my heart rate monitor training back on for January… and by May, I can do the 30 miler Skyline-to-the-Sea run I’ve been eyeing… so by 2014, I should be able to do the Western States 100 miler…”

Having a dream goal… is like having the eye on the prize.  I may have had a setback today, but it’s just a hiccup to the  journey.  So the pilgrimage  of a 1000 miles has just begun.

I’ll be periodically letting you know how this journey is coming along; for all I know, I might be a crack addict in a year instead, who knows? Life has many paths. But feel free to come along and share your own dream’s evolutions if you like.

I know that many of you will be reading this on a Monday morning… so I encourage you to dream a little as you sit at your desk, “What dream can I make come true?”  May you too find your perfect golden brick road to travel upon….