Does Everyone Fart?

Have you ever been in a public place and let one loose? How about laughing too hard and one slips out? Or my favorite, think its gonna be a quiet airy one and it was actually 3.0 on the Richter scale? Farting is probably one of the grossest things to do or hear (esp for girls) because its airy poo particles but it can also be one of the funniest events to witness too. Its quite natural and EVERYONE does it. We know old people seriously don’t mind farting anywhere. And most of our childhood friends haven’t changed a bit either. You can’t tell me you haven’t ripped several dozen while you’re on the plane. Has your boy/girlfriend farted in front of you yet? If so, I bet a thousand more came right after.

But is it dangerous to hold in a fart?

“There are differences in opinion on this one. Certainly, people have believed for centuries that retaining flatus is bad for the health. Emperor Claudius even passed a law legalizing farting at banquets out of concern for people’s health. There was a widespread belief that a person could be poisoned or catch a disease by retaining farts.
Doctors I have spoken to recently have told me that there is no particular harm in holding in farts. Farts will not poison you; they are a natural component of your intestinal contents. The worst thing that can happen is that you may get a stomach ache from the gas pressure. But one doctor suggested that pathological distention of the bowel could result if a person holds in farts too much. And Dr. P. said that the effort involved in retaining flatus can cause hemorrhoids.”

Did the good doctor just say hemorrhoids. Well, I’m never holding in a fart again. Screw you pasta or tuna and anything with beans or starch. I’m cutting loose even if you give me severe gas problems. Of course there are those moments you are with a new “friend” and don’t want to embarrass yourself. But mine as well test that friendship out early and see if she/he wouldn’t mind some friendly fart olympics. And if you are the type to let out those heated ones, I’d suggest Fartypants underwear. You can even switch out the filters.

Here’s a list of farts off the top of my heads that could happen to or around you.
Pull my Finger
Hershey Squirt
Machine Gun
Every other Step fart
Bubble Maker
Friction Fart that amplifies it by a 100. (wooden chair is the best)
Silent but Deadly aka SBD
One Leg Up Morning Fart
Barking Spider
Got any more to add to the list?

12 thoughts on “Does Everyone Fart?

  1. I dont know WTH your talking about…I dont do those things! J/K… but I didnt speak to this guy(who is now my husband) for like 2 weeks…cause he kept farting while we were eating…i thought that was fkd up. :)

  2. What do you call the kind that’s like the air slowly getting leaked out of a balloon? Come on, you all know the kind I’m talking about…

  3. Yes, everyone farts, but not everyone’s shit stinks from what I’ve heard.

    You forgot:

    Dutch Oven

    Pressing All the Floors and Leaving the Elevator Fart

    Point Blank Fart (pinning her down and farting on her head)

    The One-Minute Fart

    The Fart That Apparently No One In the Room Did So it Must Have Been a Ghost Fart

    The Lingering Fart

    The Smart Fart (having the ability to hold a fart and use it just at the right moment to your advantage)

    Fart In a Bottle (like a message in a bottle except when the recipient opens the bottle off the coast of Africa he smells your fart instead)

    The Artsy Fartsy (for purposes of performance art)

    The BJ Fart


  4. stinky winky stinky poopsie ewwie gross horrible descuisting loud but deadly fart that my brother does when he laughs

  5. OK, everyone farts I know- but i have NEVER smelled/heard or known my friend to fart. I mean, it’s hard to believe she farts! I know celebs fart as well, tell u something really embarrassing i was with my crush.. farted and it stunk. He was like.. “Ewww.. do you smell that? ARGh! aww!” In disgust. My friends and him just looked around.. i couldn’t contain it! Burst out laughing.. dead giveaway. ANYWAYS EVERYONE FARTS, POOS and yes it smells.

  6. Hey y’all,

    this is like funny. Farts is just gas.. im totally cool about it but i’ll be with friends and they’re all like “ew farts! they stink!” like some 5 year old!! Once i farted in public thank gosh the paps weren’t there!!

  7. Maybye its because Miley Cyrus was the last commentater maybye its because i emptied the liquer store during chiristmas rush but I want in on this too.”The gag a maggot fart”aka the finisher this is the fart so horrible it has the potential to end a marriage this smells so horrible only the the severly sadistick will cliam it makes people say things like see a doctor if your sick the spanish would call it “Pedos le mort” or fart of the dead if you like be carfull with this one kids its da gerous because time was people who practiced this in the sultans company were immiediatly beheaded no ship somthing to think about. ;)


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