About two months ago, I wrote about the first (and only) time I ate a dog.  Which got me thinking…why is eating cat, kitty, or pussy not a more regular or common staple of the Asian diet?  Seriously.  Yes, I’ve “heard” in legend that somewhere, deep within the moist folds of the Asian bush, some obscure tribe eats cat meat everyday.  But seriously, have you or someone you know ever eaten a cat before?  I think not.  I find this beyond confusing because Asians have eaten just about every other creature known to mankind.  They’re kind of like the yellow vultures of the human race.  So why not the cat?  One of the things I love doing every time I visit Asia is to make a bee line over to the local meat market to see all the raw and bloody disgust that the locals consider casual dining.  Sheep brains, monkey penis, snake hearts, pig labias, deer anus, falcon testies, and more can all be found at these Asian meat stalls across the Pacific Rim.  If it walks, swims, flies, or waddles, you can bet your bottom dollar that an Asian has eaten it many times over.  So why not the cat?  Why is there not a stereotype of asians loving to eat the pussy.  Why?  Why is it more plausible for an Asian to eat his/her own child before they indulge in the feline?  I am vexed…

To the best of my knowledge, cats are not classified as an endangered species like the Panda is in China.  So it’s not some sort of environmental law or social taboo that is preventing Asians to indulge in cat meat.  Pussies are also not considered a holy creature to Asians like cats were to the ancient Egyptians.  So it’s not some sort of God thing either.  And there’s definitely not a shortage of felines running throughout the streets of the Far East.  Want proof?  Just go to any city in Asia and look in the alleyways and you’ll find your share of mangy kittens (and a bevy of scantily clad ladies wanting to give you a massage and necklaces made of pearls).  Rawr…

Asians eat all sorts of strange and unusual things, many of which can kill you dead.  So how did the jellyfish become an Asian, gastronomical preference before the cat?  What about the lethal cobra?  Fugu (aka blowfish)?  Shark fin?  These things and countless others can either kill you or poison you when you ask them to be your dinner date.  But what about the cat?  What’s the worst thing that could happen?  You’d probably get a few scratches on your face, a mouthful of hair balls, and a stowaway flea nesting itself into the dark of your pubic hairs.  Now logic would dictate that finding ways to harvest and serve cat to the Asian masses would be the safer alternative.  Hell, natural selection alone should have made cat one of Asia’s top food choices.  But for some reason, that never happened.  Why?  Por que?

Perhaps under all that fine hair and fluffy fuzz there really isn’t anything worth eating.  True or not true?  The only way to find out is to examine a bald kitty.  Shaved or naturally bald, a kitty sans the fur is still worthy of a munchin’.  Though the legs are a bit sinewy and boney, the torso and upper body have substantial heft and meaty haunches.  At the very least, the average feline can give a plump chicken a run for it’s money in terms of weight and ROM (return on meat).  So again, tell me how a cat is not a common menu item in Asia while freaky fare like spiders, beetles, and wasps are.  Why?

fear not the bald kitty. with or without fur, the flavor remains the same

Maybe kitty cat meat is sour to the tongue?  Perhaps the taste of pussy flesh can kill you?  Somehow I doubt that.  After an intense and exhaustive 2 minute search on the internet, I could nowhere find that eating kitty is lethal, foul to the human palette, or can cause any sort of long term harm to the human body.  And though predator meat is considered “less healthy”, eating pussy is physically safe and can be a wholesome and enjoyable culinary choice if prepared correctly.  So again, explain to me how cat meat is not an Asian food staple?  Why is feline flesh treated like the ugly step-sister when compared to pig uterus, balut, and goat bile?  Why?

There’s got to be an answer to this.  I’ve backpacked through many regions of Asia but I have never seen cat on any lunch special let alone hanging from a hook, served in a soup, filleted on a platter, or skewered on a spit.  Why is this?  Or have I not been looking in the right places?  I’m only asking because in some parts of Asia, a dinner menu would look similar to a zoological, medical journal.  So how did the cat, of all animals, escape the culinary wrath of Asia’s insatiable appetite for anything and everything the croaks, clucks, chirps, oinks, kaws, grunts, and/or squeals?  Or am I totally wrong and cat meat is actually an exotic delicacy secretly served in Asian gambling dens of the rich and on the stomach of prostitutes at massage parlors?  If you happen to know the truth, pray tell.  Hungry minds await.  Meow…

some things are meant to be eaten...rawr...