But Did You Really Have To Bite Her Boob?

A couple weeks ago I wrote about how warm and fuzzy I feel when Girl Scout Cookie season rolls around.

Apparently I’m not the only one who looks forward to Do-Si-Do’s, Thin Mints, and Tagalongs.

On February 22, at around 1 a.m, 31 year old Naples, Florida resident Hersha Howard woke up her roommate, Jasmin Wanke.  She wanted to know what had happened to her Thin Mints, and was convinced Jasmin had taken them.

It’s one in the morning, Hersha weighs 400 pounds (according to the police report), and she was hungry.

A presumably nervous Jasmin told Hersha that Hersha’s children had woken up at around midnight and were hungry.  So she gave them some of their mom’s precious Thin Mints.

This explanation, however, did not sit well with Hersha (no word on whether Hersha woke her kids up and deposed them)

Jasmin then offered Hersha ten dollars to compensate her for the missing Thin Mints.

Hersha wasn’t having it.  There was also no mention made as to Hersha’s whereabouts at the time of the alleged crime – perhaps she wanted to pick up some Samoas and went to the store, although I’ve yet to see Girl Scouts in front of Safeway selling cookies at midnight.  But then again, it’s not often I go to Safeway at midnight.

Here’s where things took an ugly turn.  Hersha, using her natural attributes, all 400 of them, jumped on Jasmin and hit her in the face.

They fought until Jasmin’s husband jumped in and tried to break it up (presumably he had been cowering in the corner until then, hoping this whole thing would blow over).

But jump in he did, and for his efforts, Hersha chased after him with a pair of scissors before thinking better of it, and coming at him instead with a board (see? She’s not so unreasonable – Lord knows I get grouchy when my blood sugar is low).

The fight moved into the kitchen (where else?) where Hersha allegedly pinned Jasmin’s husband to the wall.  So Jasmin jumps back in, at which point Hersha bites her breast and thumps her a couple more times.

Jasmin’s husband was able to separate the pair until police arrived.  How, I don’t know.

Moral of the story: well, it’s almost too obvious to point out, but since it obviously didn’t occur to poor Jasmin, I’ll go ahead and say it: NEVER come between a 400 pound cookie enthusiast and her Thin Mints.

4 thoughts on “But Did You Really Have To Bite Her Boob?

  1. There is a good pun about this regarding “taking a bite out of crime” but I don’t know quite how to phrase it so that it makes sense.

  2. Pingback: SNAPPED: Tiger Mom, You Better Watch Your Back! | You Offend Me You Offend My Family

  3. The big nig should be shot, if you act like an animal you should get put down like an animal.

  4. Pingback: What I Learned on YOMYOMF This Week – March 26 – April 1, 2011 | You Offend Me You Offend My Family

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