Today I’m 39. Tomorrow, I’ll be 40.
It’s strange when you can reference the passage of your time in decade chunks.
From 0-10, I went from baby to boy.
From 10-20, I went from boy to man-boy.
From 20-30, I went from man-boy to a man who acts like a boy.
From 30-39.997, I went from a man who acts like a boy to a man who un-accidentally fathered a bunch of baby boys. (ok, they’re girls. but my baby girls look like boys – supermodel boys)
So what’s next?
Ah yes, tomorrow. Tomorrow I flip into yet another decade of life – the 40-50 cohort. And if life expectancy averages are indeed correct, my game is more than half over. I’m one day shy of 40 and the U.S. male life expectancy is 76. Heck, halftime for me was 2 years ago. I’m going down the hill.
I know anyone older than me reading this is probably insulted that I even consider myself “over the hill” and will want to stick a stonefish up my ass. And, more than likely, anyone younger will probably stop reading right about now because the author, elder me, has outed himself to be so un-cooly old that they’ll will want to stick a stonefish up my ass too. But even with the threat of having the largest (and perhaps only) chirashi-anus-bowl created in human history, I will continue to write on. For in a mere matter of minutes I will be entering into my “new 20′s.” OK, I had to write that to dull the pain of the stonefish settling.
Tomorrow I’m turning 40. Here is my
snob sob story…
I always imagined by now, one day shy of 40, life would be different, more clear. I thought by now life would be easier, not harder. I thought by now life would be more established, not so unsettled. I thought by now, life would be more joyful, not so painful. I thought by now, entering into my 5th decade of living, life would make more sense. I thought by now, tipping and tripping into my 40′s, I’d be much more assuredly confident of my footing and of my future. I though by now, I’d stop worrying about the now because my now by now would have (should have) reached that mythical destination of wow.
Talk about expectations gone wild, huh? I wish, I wish, I wish…away from my anus so many fish…
Just so you know, I didn’t have my gratitude filter on when I let that one loose onto the page. Had I had it securely wrapped around my deep limbic system, my list would have read something more like this…
(deep inhale and a snort)
I am very grateful that today, one day shy of 40, I have the opportunity and time to be a fully-present, hands-on dad (even if it means the complete destruction of my social life and love for disco dancing). I am very grateful for the opportunity to experience one of life’s most challenging challenges (for only through greatest pain and suffering will I truly be able to appreciate the things I will no longer have or get to experience ever again – stuff like sleeping in, eating out, and having non-procreation sex). I am grateful that at the age of 40, I have the opportunity to learn new skills (for if I don’t, my wife and 3 babies will have to live in a van down by the river and eat toads wrapped in Mekong river weed). I am grateful that life can present me with the gift of extreme physical, emotional, and spiritual pain (for if I am ever captured by the enemy and kept for years as a POW, even bamboo shards tapped under my fingernails will seem like a blissful day at the spa). I am grateful that now, entering into my 5th decade of living, my life’s purpose is to keep 3 babies happy, healthy, and fed (hence I no longer have any idle time to even begin to ponder and suffer over life’s deepest mysteries, existential issues, or the flavor of Megan Fox’s lips). I am grateful that now, tipping and tripping into my 40′s, I am comfortable with my truest, beta-male persona (for only in this position can my relationship with my Korean wife, who is actually a Korean man trapped inside a hot and rockin’ Korean woman’s body, truly compliment and flourish). I am grateful for all of this, all this that is now. Wow or no wow.
So with that and only 38 minutes until I flip into my 40′s, I leave you with a quote I endeavor towards daily…and a movie trailer that TOTALLY captures how this all feels right now (sans the stonefish)…
“The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; They just make the most of everything.”
Gotta have a 40 when you turn 40. Cheers!