My best friend is black. Not that it matters, but I grew up in a mostly white neighborhood. Cypress, California. 20 minutes from Disneyland. Who really cares? I only say that to illustrate that I normally wouldn’t have black friends. Though, I have friends of every color now. I don’t say that to be politically correct either. And I don’t give a fuck about Star Trek. WARNING: THIS BLOG IS NOT POLITICALLY CORRECT. I say that because of my fascination with my black friend and the secrets of the black point of view I have so frequently overlooked. Especially in sports.

Which only highlights my own prejudice (naturally, inherited from the white man, TV, 80’s films like Soul Man which I saw more than I care to admit…though I did see Roots in its entirety twice, if that means anything…of course, I also saw Amistad once in its entirety).

Anyway, let’s call my friend K. His first and last name actually begins with K, so any connections to Kafka are purely coincidental. K falls under various black stereotypes. Such as: he loves fried chicken and basketball. This is particularly where K has shed light on areas of watching sports, which are admittedly beyond my white-influenced prism.

Namely, the control of the black man in sports. Which began with David Stern’s rule about what players can wear when they’re not in uniform. A suit and tie. No hip hop shit. To K, this was nothing more than proof of America’s never ending slave campaign. And he had a great point. No other sport has a dress code. Not tennis. Not golf. And those athletes (if you call golf players athletes) can at times be too young to gamble or drink legally. Now, everytime I see a guy on the pine wearing a suit (usually Greg Oden) I think about how they’re bought and sold like slaves (of course, slaves that make millions, but still…it’s public how much they make and, as any fantasy players are aware of, there is that uncomfortable label…”owners”).

When the NFL banned touchdown dances, K was furious. Further proof of the control of the black man. Taking the emotion out of the game. Executing with repression. Like white people. And I can’t say I disagree with that either. It is unnatural for a football player to reach the end zone and drop the football like he’s tossing a pair of dirty clothes in his hamper. There is something missing. There is something Body Snatchers-like about forcing professional athletes to compete without emotion. Which only illustrated how unnatural it is to be white to begin with. Thank you, K, for helping me reach this valuable conclusion on my own. The Joe Horn cell phone TD or Randy Moss’ constipated end zone dance added to the game. Today, watching a black guy score a TD is slightly more exciting than watching a bill being passed on CNN.

My favorite insight, however, is when K explained to me how black guys “salivate” when they face a white guy on a basketball court. He was like, you don’t understand, man, black guys get excited…and the humiliation if the white guy scores on them is terrible. He has to shut that white guy down (which recalled Trevor Ariza’s acrobatic dunk on Andres Nocioni and Tracy McGrady’s historical jam on Shawn Bradley).

Of course, I was very aware that there are only a handful of white dudes in the NBA, but I suppose, I never thought too long and hard about it, not deep enough to consider the consequences of being white and playing in a black dominated sport, an element never really spoken about, because you can lose your job for it. And then it all made sense.

Why do white dudes make free throws, no matter how tall they are, or shoot a lot of 3′s or generally look to the ref for help? They make free throws because that’s the only two shots they get at the basket without a black man standing in their way. They shoot 3′s, because the painted area is a dangerous place with all those black dudes waiting for them. They look to the refs for help because they’re usually the only other white guys on the court (again, back to the free throw, now they have to make them, because a white ref probably bailed them out).

A lot of very interesting history has carried itself into modern sports. Especially American sports, most notably related to slavery. Ridiculous? Just watch the NBA draft. Guys standing around, displayed, waiting to be picked up for a team. That guy will then be told what clothes he can wear. The guy may be traded to another team for other black guys…and this may occur more than once, as Jerryd Bayless can validate. This million-dollar slave will also be told not to complain about any injustice or he will be fined. Anybody who watches basketball knows that new rule is pitiful… guys can no longer complain about a call or they’re ejected. If you think you’re ridiculous, ask yourself how many white friends you have. Human beings are creatures who mimic. The point of view of your friends is contagious…like in Nazi Germany or Cambodia in the 70′s.

Anyway, you can see how having a black friend can enrich the sports viewing experience on a very deep level. And I recommend, especially if you watch sports, that you acquire one. If you’re not interesting enough to make a black friend, you cannot purchase one at auction…yet.