I could barely remember anything that transpired at my college graduation much less the words of inspiration uttered by the commencement speaker (at the time, it was former U.S. Secretary of State, Madeleine Albright).  I was too sleep deprived having come out of final exams, papers and an extensive bout of purging and packing.  Also, I was still immersed in the intensity of those last few weeks of college, that for me symbolized the end of adolescence (like many Asians, my adolescence was aptly delayed…or repressed until college when I was outside of parental jurisdiction.) – the stress of finishing on time, figuring out how I was going to live, and negotiating all the various relationships from those I wanted to preserve and others, I was ready to end.

If I were to go back in time and had ten minutes with my former self, I wouldn’t waste my breath on an inspirational commencement speech.  Unless they are very funny, brilliant, or controversial many of them are somewhat unmemorable.   Like self-help books and new age philosophy, they are well meaning but ultimately variations on the same truisms.  Instead, I would probably take on the noble (but likely futile) endeavor to knock some sense into my young, naive, sleep-deprived self and give some pithy advice and warnings to heed upon entering the big, bad “real” world.

Here’s what I would say-

1.  Mentors are critical to your personal and professional growth.  But, few are motivated solely by the selfless urge to give and teach.  And ultimately, all teachers even the uber-gurus are flawed human beings with their own deeper crises.  So, learn to take advice with a grain of salt and trust that an alchemy of life experience and your gut instinct, is the most reliable teacher there is…

2. What doesn’t kill you does not necessarily make you stronger.  This can often be a motivational truism masking as self-justification of indulgent, or compulsive behavior.  Don’t avoid risk or new experiences, but repeatedly entering into different versions of the same situation that is likely to produce a bad outcome, can just be a painful, waste of time.  Try to learn your lesson in as few attempts as possible, adapt and move on.

3. Moderation is not always effective.  Sometimes when you’re on a bad downward spiral, you need radical, extreme change to impose a new perspective and better habits.

4. “I want to change the world” – this sentiment can be inspiring but also borderline megalomaniacal.  Consider the sincerity of your motivations – is it really about the world, or are you just pissed off at your parents? It’s great to care, but know the difference between committing yourself to a worthy calling that serves humanity vs. a quest for martyrdom or world domination.

5.  True compassion and kindness devoid of ulterior motives and political agendas are virtues to protect as you try to survive amongst the fittest.  If you recognize or are the beneficiary of these virtues in others through gestures or actions, value them as you would a precious resource.

And then my young, idealistic self would probably dismiss all this as bs from some old, cranky cynic…but maybe, that’s just me being cynical.

What words of wisdom would you pass on to yourself upon commencement into the world of adulthood?