This past weekend, YOMYOMF Offenders Phil, Anderson, Emmie and I took a field trip to some Vietnamese Coffee House’s in the O.C.
As I’m growing more grey hairs on the side of my head, I realize what qualities are more important in my dream woman. I know every “nice guy” is trained to say its her personality and in normal world it’s quite true. But in bizarro Vietnamese Coffee house world, the most important quality is not her personality but rather her passion in tea pouring.
At first while sitting at our first coffee house, all I could notice was the yellow sausage fest on a slow roast barbeque. I gazed around and realized I was in the worst ratio in world history; about 40:1. I was suddenly brought back to my Navy days on the ship. FLASH! FLASH! NOOOOOOOOO!!! STOPPPPP!!!!
So by the time we got to our second coffee house, I thought how do I get the waitresses over to our table. All they really do is walk around refilling every glass of tea. And to be honest, I’m usually not a talker at these specialty establishments. I take more of an audience member role and just enjoy the show. But front row is much better than nose bleeds. Then it hit me. Let’s start chugging tea. WOW! THAT’S GOOD TEA!
Most of these lovely ladies at each coffee house had its particular attribute. Cafe Miss Cutie had bikini outfits during the day shift. Cafe Di Vang 2 had its large…cups. Cafe Temptation stayed young at heart and staff. Yes! But something wasn’t doing it for me. True, most girls that work at these places have fake boobs ranging from a C to a double D. Ok, the bikini or skimpy outfit with decorative tattoos might help stimulate the eyes. And I’ll admit, it’s nice seeing the six inch stripper heals accentuate her ass cheeks and calves. But there was still something missing from this day.
Then it finally happened at our last drink of the day. My glorious moment was not seeing the spillage side boob shot. Nor was it finally seeing some junk in the trunk. The climactic moment was when I spotted the coffee girl’s fat wedgie! Nice!
(Dammmmn when did something stuck in your ass become so sexy? Maybe even better looking than her bare ass itself. Does she even feel it? She has to. Its waaaay up there)
She definite earned my respect and vote for “Coffee Girl of the Day”. Her mindset wasn’t to dig down and pick her wedgie. No damnit! It was to refill her pitchers of tea and get right back out there, marching around in her crazy tall heels for the 40:1 ratio of dudes watching her prance another round across the room. You ROCK! OH BTW, have I told anyone that I don’t even drink coffee?
[...] UPDATE: Anson’s post about our field trip is now up. Click here. [...]
Awesome post! i love how you noticed the wedgie and none of us did. This is like Rashomon, only hoochier.
I really hope this is not going to be a regular series on this site.
P.S. I know I’m being a buzzkill.