So I was at some social function last week and ran into an old friend named Gary whom I hadn’t seen in ages. Spent about 20 minutes catching up before realizing that Gary was not Gary at all, but another old friend named Sam. I don’t know if he was just being polite when I kept calling him “Gary” but once again I mistook one white person for another. I can’t say this happens with too much frequency but it has happened before. Look, I’m sorry but the simple truth is that a lot of white people look alike.
I can already see some white dude reading this turning to his wife and going, “How dare he say that, Buffy? Gosh golly, but that’s reverse racism!” Now, don’t get your ascot all jumbled in a knot. I know you think Asians all look alike too. And I don’t completely disagree with you as I’ve made clear in previous posts like this. But the reality is white folk are easy to get mixed up too.
Take the following photo, for example. Even if I told you the names of each of Playboy’s The Girls Next Door shown here, are you telling me you are going to be able to correctly identify them five minutes later?:
And what about Jaime Kennedy and Seth Green? I don’t know anyone who can tell them apart:
But here’s the interesting thing about white people: they don’t necessarily even have to look alike to mistake them for someone else. Sometimes it’s an essence that two similarly named white folk share.
Take for example the two Coreys—Haim and Feldman:
Or the Bills—Pullman and Paxton:
Or Dermot Mulroney and Dylan McDermott:
Seriously, are you going to tell me you’re 100% sure which Corey starred in Lucas and which in The Goonies? Can you really say with 100% confidence that Bill Pullman was the President in Independence Day and not the cyclone-chaser in Twister? And was it Dermot or Dylan who Julia Roberts had the hots for in My Best Friend’s Wedding?
My apologies to Gary Sam and all the other white people I’ve mistaken for someone else. But you know what would really help me a lot—name tags. Give it some thought. Bring name tags back in fashion in the new year and help a brotha out.
Phil, in order to distinguish between people, you have to actively look at their face and repeat their names over and over in your head. Otherwise you’ll forget the name and/or the face in the future.
I bump into a lot of people, even after college. I just wish that I remembered their names during that time.
Oh, and the Playboy bunnies are very different from each other. They may camouflage like zebra when they’re trio(ed) up but each one is unique.
Which brings me to my next point: It’s easier to remember names and faces of the [opposite/same] sex because of the attraction factor. As a heterosexual guy, I’m not going to spend any time remembering what’s-his-face, but I’m going to spend the entire time ogling his cute and hopefully single lady friend.
The more traveling and business sort of stuff I do, the more white people have been looking alike to me. It’s even harder with Europeans who tend to have a bit narrower hair and fashion styles than Americans if they’re from the same country.
To me, it all started with the two Dicks from Bewitched: Dick Sargent and Dick York. That sort of solidified for me the idea that white people are interchangeable, and just as much a commodity as any other race.
[...] Chinky Or Not Chinky: White People Look Alike Edition : You Offend … [...]
Agree. Many also have single syllable names, Dick, Bob, John, Rick, Fred, Tom, Matt, Glen, Bill……………
how did i miss this?! hilarious…must retweet. i love the t shirt. much take this article lightly… dont be all sensitive n everthing.