SAF Seeking… Crush Alert!

Sometimes it's better to stay home and deal with your tween fantasies there than in public... In front of your hero.

Sometimes it’s better to stay home and deal with your tween fantasies there than in public… In front of your hero.

“Will you sign my book?”

I’m terrible with being star struck. I’m shy and I have a habit of staring at my toes. Once about 10 years ago, I was in a Starbucks and Jack Nicholson came in and sat down no more than 10 feet away from me. I remember him glancing in my general direction and I promptly choked on my coffee and had it dribbling down my chin and into my bra. Sigh. I’m terrible.

I work for a Shakespeare company and my boss was sick so I was promptly ordered to attend -in his absence- the Shakespeare workshop of a brash Brit named Ben Crystal who was touring the nation.

Custom Coffee

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“If you have a minute, I have some in my car.”

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That’s what my favorite bank teller (yes, I have a favorite bank teller), Eyasu “Josh” Felleke, told me, after we started chatting about coffee.  He had read a post I wrote about a latte I enjoyed at particular coffee shop in Berkeley.

“I know the Elmwood Café,” he said one day as he was waiting for my deposit receipt to pop up, “it’s one of my favorite places.”

“How can you not love it – they still have an old soda fountain like it was 1955.”

“I know, right?”

“Still can’t decide whether I like the taste – or the smell – of coffee better.”

I Will Never Know Whether She Stole The $500 Or Not

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I got in just before closing on a Friday afternoon.  It was 5:53 and I was running behind.  The security guard had already unlocked the entry door gate and was just waiting seven more minutes until he could shut and lock it.

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I was the only customer in the bank.  I had deposits to make for both bars and didn’t want to keep anybody from their weekend plans, least of all me.

SAF Seeking… The shouldas of home remodeling

Why can't my room look more put together than my actual state of mind?!?! Argh!!!

Why can’t my room look more put together than my actual state of mind?!?! Argh!!!

Ah! This is why we pay professionals!!!!

I am armed -armed I tell you!- with $3000!!! Yes I am! $3000 hard-fought American dollars to remodel my new condo! Woooo hooooo!!

That’s enough right? To redo the counters, replace the flooring, fix the electrical, AND buy a storage bed from IKEA yes?

Yup. Yes I am.

Yup. Yes I am.

Who Are You?

Several months ago one of our patrons, a young man who works as a busboy at a nearby restaurant, was hit by a car as he left the bar and suffered serious head trauma.  He was placed in an induced coma for a month.

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I don’t know him, but according to my staff, James is a very nice, unassuming guy who just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.

He has no memory of the accident.  More than that, he has suffered complete amnesia.  He is in a group care facility and his family and friends visit him daily.  He has learned to walk again, but he does not yet know who he is.  I don’t know if he has come to recognize his parents and friends or not, but one detail I heard struck me.

Laura Palmer Returns Today or TWIN PEAKS is 25 Years Old

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Laura Palmer returns today to talk to Special Agent Dale Cooper. If you don’t know what I am talking about, then you are not a fan of TWIN PEAKS, the seminal TV show that shook the foundations of what network television is all about. The brainchild of David Lynch and Mark Frost, TWIN PEAKS was essentially a soap opera set in a small Washington State town where the central mystery involves the murder of prom queen and all around “good girl” Laura Palmer. The show’s main character is the quirky FBI special agent Dale Cooper, with his love of all things cherry pie and coffee may seem by-the-book in that DRAGNET kind of way, but his dabbling in mysticism, New Age thinking and cosmology made him fit right in as the central mystery of “Who Killed Laura Palmer?” explored some pretty weird and odd shit that happening in the town and most importantly, the woods surrounding the town.

Parental Delusion 101

“At least it’s not candy,” my wife used to say when the kids were little.

“But it is.  It’s just squished into a different shape,” I would respond.

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“It’s got fruit juice in it.”

“‘Fruit’ juice is sugar – corn syrup with strawberry flavor added.”

“Look how much ice cream you eat.”

“I’m not saying I’m not addicted to sweets, I’m just saying let’s not kid ourselves about what we’re giving the kids.”

Affirmative Action: It’s Baaaaaack! Or Is It?

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Last week three Asian-American state senators from California did a prompt about-face after their constituents bombarded them with angry calls, letters and e-mails.  The three democratic legislators – Leland Yee of San Francisco, Ted Lieu of Torrance, and Carol Liu of La Canada/Flintridge – backed out of their support for a measure which would have once again allowed California universities to take race into account when considering students for admission.

That’s right, a return to affirmative action.

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The problem: Asians are doing too well!

The Oscar Selfie: Been There, Done That

Hi there!  Alfredo here, you friendly local curmudgeon!  With all the hype last week over Oscar Host Ellen Degeneres’ actor-packed selfie, I couldn’t help but think, “so um, what, exactly, is so new about a ‘selfie’?”

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