#TheNewTen

Start thinking now.

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You’ve got a mere five years until the face of a prominent female figure adorns the $10 bill, to coincide with the 100th anniversary of the passage of the 19th Amendment, which granted women the right to vote. The Treasury Department is seeking input from the public via their website, Treasury.gov, and social media, #TheNew10. The department’s only requirements: that the candidates directly reflect the theme of democracy and that they no longer be living.

Damn.

Seven Signs You’re Okay With The Coming Apocalypse

1. You weren’t actually sure the Apocalypse was coming, but then you remembered that both Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert’s “fake” news shows were going off the air…IN THE SAME YEAR.

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2. You’re not worried about global warming because you genuinely believe today’s teenagers will figure out a way to put a giant plastic air conditioned biodome around the planet.

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What To Do When You’ve Forgotten Someone’s Name

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“Hey Fredo, what’s going on?”

“Hey man, not much, man, it’s been a dog’s age, how are you?”

“Good. Good.  ‘Viscous Daydream’s’ going on tour, and they’ve asked me to fill in for their drummer.”

“Ohmigod, that is so awesome, congrats!”

“Yeah, we’re playing the Den next Thursday. You definitely should come.”

“Absolutely.”

“I’ll put you on the list.”

“Ah, man, no need.”

“Dude, you’ve bought me hella drinks in your bar.  Lemme at least get you on the list.”

“Okay.  Sure.”

“Awesome.  See you there.”

Who the hell am I talking to?

Asian And Applying For College? Don’t Include Your Picture!

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In “Cracking College Admissions,” the handbook written by SAT test-prep company Princeton Review, Asian-American students are given this advice: “If you’re given an option, don’t attach a photograph to your application and don’t answer the optional question about your ethnic background.”

Now why would this be the case?

Many centuries ago, when I was a high school student, the common wisdom was to do anything you could – short of flat out lying or wearing black face to your college interview – to identify yourself as anything but Caucasian. Had a twice-removed aunt from Korea? Good. An African-American grandmother? Even better. Could you describe yourself as 1/16th Cherokee? Perfect!

Original Cinema Quad Poster - Movie Film Posters

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When You Find Out Your Friend Is A Superhero

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I’ve known Erik since seventh grade. That is to say, I’ve known him longer than I’ve not known him. Which is to say, when we first met, we were younger than our own children are today. In other words, he has been my best friend for 33 years.

And I just found out for the first time last week that he also happens to be a superhero.

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The Art of Ear Picking

So I was picking my ears and thought to myself. “I wonder if I’m doing this wrong?” So i found this.

By Laura Fumiko Keehn
Photos By Aaron Farley

The Art of Ear Picking

It’s sensitive, private and very personal. A part of the body you would only share with someone you trust and love. That’s right, I’m talking about…your ears.

In Japan, cleaning your man’s ears is a time-honored tradition, a romantic act signifying intimacy. The Japanese mother of an exboyfriend was once horrified when she saw her son using an ear picker to clean out his own ear. “I always picked my husband’s ears,” she said in an accusatory tone. Point taken, it’s the duty of the girlfriend or wife to lovingly clean her man’s ears.

Happy Condom Day!

via @ONPAONG

via @ONPAONG

Today, May 6, is Condom Day in Japan! Why? Well, here’s the official explanation:

In Japanese, the numbers “5” and “6” can be pronounced as “go” and “mu” respectively, resulting in “gomu” when read together. Gomu may refer to rubber, latex, or a slang term for condoms, but obviously more people would rather celebrate the latter. And it seems like one of they ways they observe this anniversary is by posting photos of themselves posing with condoms…

So take that condom selfie and post away—let the world know you’re all about that safe sex.

Feeling Stupid? Try “The Daily Commuter”

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_____ clip; staple alternative,5 letters.

Um….”paper?”

Yuletide visitor, 5 letters.

Let’s see: “Santa?”

Authentic, 4 letters, starts with an “R.”

Oh come on…I could do this crossword puzzle in my ________, 5 letters.

My local paper prints a crossword puzzle called “The Daily Commuter,” and thank God for it.

A Slice Of Pizza

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He wears a smart straw hat with a black silk band.  He is African American, perhaps in his mid-60’s.  He is trim, keeps his white beard cropped close and often wears a Hawaiian print shirt and sunglasses.  At first I thought he might be a musician.  And he might be – I’ve never asked him.

And I can always find him sitting on an upturned plastic milk crate outside one of my favorite pizza places.  He holds out a paper cup and says, “Spare some change?”

I mumble back “no,” shake my head and enter the restaurant to buy a slice.  And he always calls after me,

“Maybe on your way out.”

He’s persistent, but not pushy, and he asks with a smile.  And I never give him anything.

Should I Or Should I Not Visit My Neighbor, An Acquaintance, Who Was Moved Into A Convalescent Home About Six Months Ago, And Who I Visited Once, But That Was A While Ago?

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This was the question posed to me by my mom the other day on the phone.  Lately (and by “lately” I mean the last ten years or so), she has had many such questions for me.  “What gift should I get my niece who loves the movie ‘The Titanic?’” “I visited two dentists’ offices, and while one doctor comes more highly recommended, he wore sandals.  Is that normal?  Who would you pick?” or “We need to buy a car, and I don’t know whether we should go to a dealer or a private party.”

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These are questions my mom never would’ve asked me when I was a middle schooler, even a teen.