You are currently browsing
  • Home
  • » Obscure Crap

The 80′s Just Won’t Die

  • May 21, 2013 5:59 am

Sitting here in Starbuck’s, reading an article in the paper entitled “We’d Zap Back To The 80’s If We Could,” I can’t help but notice what music they’re piping in: “Age Of Consent,” New Order (1983); “Only You,” Yazoo (1982); and “The Ghost In You,” Psychedelic Furs (1984).  As I’m listening to the Starbuck’s new wave soundtrack, I’m also planning the best date for our next “80’s Party” at the bar…

(it’s gonna be Thursday, May 30th, btw, nine days from now.  Pop by: I’ll be dj-ing and will buy you a drink or three)…and find myself shaking my head and asking myself the same question I’ve been asking for the last ten years:  Read more...

A Mix Tape For You (song 6 of 30)

  • May 19, 2013 8:05 am

Song 6: “Express Yourself,” NWA

This is NWA’s take on a little known soul classic from 1971 by Charles Wright and the Watts 103rd Street Rhythm Band.

It’s something between a cover, a mashup, and a faithful homage. No gunplay, no misognyny, just a beat everyone from the jaded indie hipster to the 60-something jazz fiend can groove to – I’ve seen it on a Friday night at my bars – along with booze, music like this is the great equalizer, the uncommon common denominator.

A Mix Tape For You (song 5 of 30)

  • May 18, 2013 7:00 am

Song 5: “I Know You Got Soul,” Eric B. and Rakim

Old school hip hop was better than today’s stuff.  It just was.  So was the break dancing.  Check it out:

Best Weather Lady Dress Ever!

  • May 16, 2013 4:57 am

It’s so awesome even the weather arrow is pointing to it!

Being a Nor Cal snob, I always look down my nose when I’m in L.A. and see so-called “meteorologists” reporting the weather, with their ridiculous names, ridiculous hair, and ridiculous teeth.   Yeah, I’m talking to you Dallas Reines (a weather-porn name if I ever heard one)…

…and Jackie Johnson…

…and Elita Loresca…

…oh, sorry, that last shot was tasteless.   Here’s a more representative shot of Elita:

They’re obviously L.A. actor wannabes pretending to know something about the weather while we up here in the more sober north are “authentic.”  We don’t care about looks.  We’re about hard hitting journalism, minimal bullshit banter, and a dearth of cleavage.  Read more...

What’s On Eighth Graders’ Minds (part 1)

  • May 14, 2013 5:33 am

Besides wondering why their penises grow larger at inopportune moments, and why the “feminine hygiene” aisle in the drugstore is suddenly relevant.

I tutor kids in writing at the local middle school as part of a wonderful program called Writer Coach Connection, and every year, the eighth graders have a semester-long project called the “I-Search.”

“I” as in me, myself and I: they can pick any topic that interests them – any – and they put together an ambitious project which includes written reports, display panels, models, websites, artwork, you name it.  It’s impressive.  This is late high school level stuff.  And it’s absolutely fascinating to me to see the range of subjects that grabs the attention of twelve and thirteen year olds in the beginning of the 21st century.  Read more...

A Mix Tape For You (song 4 of 30)

  • May 12, 2013 8:57 am

Song 4: “Union City Blue,” Blondie

I feel awful after going on yesterday about my imaginary girlfriend Siouxsie Sioux.

I mean, how do you think that makes my other imaginary girlfriend – Debbie Harry – feel?

I don’t want a cat fight breaking out because of my insensitivity. No, ladies, each of you is as lovely and cool and talented as the other. And again, I’m gonna go with a personal fave. Y’all can look up “Heart of Glass” or “Rapture” or “Call Me” on your own.

Debbie, Siouxsie, a big kiss to you both!  Surely we can work something out – I’m thinking alternating schedules: who wants Tuesdays and Thursdays, and who wants Wednesdays and Fridays?

A Mix Tape For You (song 3 of 30)

  • May 11, 2013 9:32 am

Song 3: “Into The Light,” Siouxsie and the Banshees

How could I not include a song by my imaginary high school girlfriend Siouxsie Sioux?

Picking the song was agonizing: do I go with something like “Spellbound” or “Christine” or “Kiss Them For Me,” y’know, something more people might know, or do I just play one of my personal faves? And even narrowed down to a personal fave, it just as easily could’ve been “Dazzle” or “Love In A Void” or “Swimming Horses” as “Into The Light.” All I knew for sure is that I don’t want to disappoint her.  Being an artist, she’s mercurial and moody.  I can’t let her see my indecisiveness.  I’m on eggshells with her all the time, but it’s so worth it.

Oh Just Shut Up And Stop Apologizing Already

  • May 9, 2013 5:37 am

I caught a glimpse of actress Reese Witherspoon apologizing on some morning talk show about being charged with disorderly conduct when she and her husband were pulled over on suspicion of DUI a couple weeks ago.

While her husband Jim Toth was being arrested, she apparently played the “do you know who I am card?” and got bitchy.  ’course she did!  Duh!  She was a drunk celebrity.  She was acting like an entitled ass.  That’s what they do.

On the morning show, looking prim and contrite, she said of the arresting officer, “I was so disrespectful to him.  That night I saw him arresting my husband, and I panicked.   I said all kinds of crazy things.  I said I was pregnant.  I’m not pregnant.  I said crazy things.  I had no idea what I was talking about.”  She went on about how she knows cops, loves them, etc.  Read more...

A Mix Tape For You (song 2 of 30)

  • May 5, 2013 9:16 am

For the next thirty days – in no particular order besides that which occurs to me over my morning coffee and bagel – I will put together a thirty song mix tape for you.  For our readers too young to know what a mix tape actually is, it was a cassette tape you made, painstakingly, in real time, for one of two reasons: 1) to court somebody by expressing your feelings in song, or, 2) to make a tape for yourself so you wouldn’t have to put up with annoying ads and crappy music on the radio.

These are a little bit of both: I’m hoping to connect with you, and I just want to enjoy listening to songs I really, really love.  Read more...

A Mix Tape For You (song 1 of 30)

  • May 4, 2013 9:04 am

For the next thirty days – in no particular order besides that which occurs to me over my morning coffee and bagel – I will put together a thirty song mix tape for you.  For our readers too young to know what a mix tape actually is, it was a cassette tape you made, painstakingly, in real time, for one of two reasons: 1) to court somebody by expressing your feelings in song, or, 2) to make a tape for yourself so you wouldn’t have to put up with annoying ads and crappy music on the radio.

These are a little bit of both: I’m hoping to connect with you, and I just want to enjoy listening to songs I really, really love.  Read more...

There’s Still Time!

  • April 30, 2013 5:28 am

Don’t freak out!  There IS still time!  Today is the last day of National Distracted Driving Awareness Month.

You were probably so focused on the fact that it is also National Pecan Month that you forgot all about NDDAM.

But it’s never too late to do something about it.   Not to toot my own horn, but here’s what I’ve done while driving in observance of NDDAM:

Stopped trying to come up with a better acronym than NDDAM.

Stopped trying to tickle my son in the passenger seat, and then, when he grabs my arm and yells “Stop it!” act all concerned and worried and yell back “Don’t!  I’m driving!”  Read more...

Women’s Lib, Sorority Style!

  • April 23, 2013 5:43 am

I never joined a frat in college. Maybe I should’ve.

If I’m understanding sorority sister Rebecca Martinson’s e-mail correctly (as read by Alison Haislip), if you’re not cheering properly for the school team, or having sex with the frat brothers of your “matchup” (Sigma Nu), you’re in for a world of hurt and the f-bomb being carpet bombed all over you.

Get your f-ing “post-gaming” straight, ladies!

39 f-bombs in 4 minutes?! That’s an f-bomb every 6.15 seconds – Tarantino could learn something.

And I never heard the phrase “cunt punt” before.  Catchy.  If I were these two gals, I might consider wearing a cup around Rebecca.

 Read more...