Last month I found myself peppering conversations with words like “equalizer,” “brilliant ball in,” and, of course, “gooooooooaalll…”
I had caught World Cup Fever.
Friends were shocked. So was I. I was never a jock. In high school I had a membership to the YMCA. I swam. Alone. For one year. That was it. When I tried to play basketball, I earned the nickname “The T.O.P. Man” (Tower Of Power) – sarcasm intended.
These days I do tune in to championship series – basketball, baseball, the Superbowl – find out who the underdog is, and root for that team.
By rooting, of course, I mean smiling wryly and nodding ever so slightly between beers. Read more...
OH NO! I got junk in my trunk! (Courtesy of Yanko Design)
(If you googled “Orexia” hoping to find more about the sexual-enhancement drug, soooo sorry, wrong site. Yup, keep looking.)
Nope, I’m talking about a sickeningly obsessive disease that I have developed over the past year… a form of self-infliced fear of carrying too much weight in my backpack… Read more...
Yes, I know I’ve proclaimed that soccer and the World Cup don’t mean shit to me (see here and here for proof). But I think I can be forgiven for indulging our readers with another World Cup related post. 32 lovely Chinese models pay homage to the 32 participating teams by getting naked and painting their bodies with the colors and symbols of each country. So enjoy this final tribute to the 2010 World Cup, after which you can go back to not caring about soccer for the next four years:
So regular readers of this blog know that I’m far from being a fan of soccer and the World Cup, but as I was searching the internet for porn featuring hot Brazilian chicks in tube socks and cleats miscellaneous academic research, I came upon a blog by some douche bag named Jrodius entitled “Korean Daddy Issues.” He argues that both Korean teams in the World Cup must not be having good sex because, well, let’s let him tell it:
For example, all I can tell from watching North and South Korea is that they don’t have good sex. You know how I know this? They have terrible haircuts. There is one truth the world over… Girls with daddy issues are good at two things, making love and doing hair. Cosmetology schools around the world are full of women with bad father figures that will do your hair up proper then go out to the club and make poor decisions.
So by proxy I can tell by the lack of fancy follicles on the two Korean teams that no one there is having good sex. Think about it, where are the mohawks like Clint Mathis rocked in 2002. Where are the crazy dye jobs like Abel Xavier, who colored up the lives of Portugal fans. Where are the long lucious locks that graced the shoulders of players like Marcelo Balboa and are being kept real by Jonas and DiMichelis in this year’s tournament.Read more...
Yeah, I realize as a Korean I’m supposed to have World Cup Fever, but the fact is I’m an American also, I grew up in the U.S., and as a product of this culture, I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about soccer.
I especially don’t get how some of my fellow Korean Americans who otherwise don’t care about soccer or Korean nationalistic pride suddenly become the biggest Korean soccer fans whenever the World Cup rolls around. Some of my friends who fall into the above category tried to get me up at 4 AM to watch the recent South Korea-Greece match. Let me make this clear to anyone else thinking of making a similar request of me in the future—I will get up at 4 AM because you are paying me a lot of money to do a job or because Megan Fox is drunk and horny and under the mistaken impression that I’m the only man left on earth. However, I will not get up at 4 AM to watch a soccer game. Why?
‘Cause soccer is fucking boooring!
I’m sorry but any sport where you can play for three hours and score a total of one point and that’s considered normal is boring! Any sport where Asians are just as good or even sometimes better than blacks or Latinos is boring! And what’s with these rules like no touching the balls with your hands? That’s not a rule for a sport, that’s something your girlfriend threatens to do when she’s pissed off at you. Look, even the great David Beckham couldn’t make soccer interesting to Americans. In fact, he may have made things worse and left many fans angry and disappointed. After all, during his time playing for the Galaxy, he did to American soccer what he does to Victoria Beckham every night and that’s not right. Read more...
With the National Hockey League playoffs well into the homestretch for the 2009-2010 season, it serves as an opportune time to spotlight the national sport obsession of our neighbors from the True North. It’s not exaggerating to say that Canada’s pandemic pride — trite though it may sound — is measured in parallel to its fortunes in hockey(reference the national team’s thrilling overtime gold medal victory over Team USA at February’s Winter Olympics in Vancouver), such is the importance of the sport within the country’s national and global identity. How much? Would you believe Canadians have 5 on it?
The Phoenix Suns wore “Los Suns” on their jerseys in Game 2 of the Western Conference semifinals on Wednesday night as a reaction to a law passed by the Arizona Legislature that makes it a crime under state law to be in the country illegally and it directs local police to question people about their immigration status and demand to see their documents if there is reason to suspect they are illegal.
“I think it’s fantastic,” Steve Nash, the Sun’s two time MVP point guard said. “I think the law is very misguided. I think it’s, unfortunately, to the detriment of our society and our civil liberties. I think it’s very important for us to stand up for things we believe in. As a team and as an organization, we have a lot of love and support for all of our fans. The league is very multicultural. We have players from all over the world, and our Latino community here is very strong and important to us.” Can you imagine LeBron or Kobe saying that? Read more...
I’ll take ‘American Icons’ for $2000 please, Alex.
“Jeopardy” host Alex Trebek, outfitted in sporty tweed, picks up the cue card and in his recognizable Northern Ontario-tinged and CBC-honed baritone, presents the video clues while reading the answer in his trademark fashion:
“Despite a racist exclusion policy from her own swimming club, this San Francisco native became the first woman to win two diving gold medals in the same Olympics and in doing so was also the first Asian American to medal in an Olympiad.”
Time winds down and micro-seconds from the buzzer, the third place contestant offers, out of desperation, an obvious crapshoot guess.
This past weekend in culmination of months of heightened, whispered anticipation, a group of well-into-thirtysomething men, temporarily gave the slip to their families and professions; and relinquished general responsibilities in order to secretly converge and engage in a private, annual male bonding ritual held sacrosanct since high school.
The guys are me and some friends.
No, we’re not Freemasons, militiamen nor are we on the down low.
We met, as we’ve done for the previous 18 years, to watch envelope ourselves in the NFL Draft. We are draftniks — people with a hyper-geekified interest in an annual, sensationalized, non-event event where collegiate football players are selected, round-by-round, by the professional football teams that will employ and pay them large amounts of cash to play a game they played as children. Read more...
Norith Soth did not change his name. That shit is real. Norith has watched more films than an entire nuclear family. He has written more scripts than any 5, ok, let’s not exaggerate, make it 3.5, creepy, plaid shirted Caucasians at Starbucks (that’s a lot of scripts). He always believes his next film will be the “Citizen Kane” of that genre. He aims high. That’s why he falls hard. But aiming high is all he knows.
It was a great meeting we had yesterday. Im excited and looking very forward to doing big things with you in this industry.
This is the email you want from a person with power. You dream about this shit. Working your ass off in this hall of mirrors industry. Bullshit meeting after bullshit meeting. Producers who pretend they have balls. Rich motherfuckers who take you to dinner just to hear your jokes. Fuck these people. Finally, I meet a rich guy with balls. Literally. He plays with balls. He is a professional ball player. That produces movies.
I sat in Elton Brand’s office on 9000 Sunset Boulevard in disbelief. The Clippers had just finished their greatest season, losing to the Suns in the 2nd round of the playoffs because James Singleton was guarding Raja Bell, who was left wide open for a 3 pt. Dagger. I was actually rooting for the Suns, but I didn’t tell him that.
The campus of Brigham Young University, the Tongan American community in the United States and, well, darn near the entire Beehive State, are all abuzz over the Mormon University’s official announcement late Friday (PR 101: Releasing a controversial announcement at the onset of the weekend is classic Crisis Management in practice.) that star student athletes Harvey Unga and his on-again, off-again and apparently on-again, ex-fiancee Keilani Moeaki both voluntarily withdrew themselves from school in violation of for allegedly violating the institute’s Draconian Church Educational System Honor Code.
Keilani Moeaki
Harvey Unga
So just why exactly were they given the boot? Read more...
The Sweet Sixteen is set with games starting later today. And while everyone is just staring at their busted, broken and destroyed brackets (except this guy), I wanted to take a moment to look back at Harvard’s Jeremy Lin’s amazing season. One of the best college basketball stories this year, Lin is truly a star. A recently posted YouTube clip compiles some of Lin’s greatest moments this past season. What it doesn’t show is the person in the stands who yelled “sweet-and-sour pork!” at him.
Harvard finished the regular season with a 21-7 record, and made a postseason appearance in the CollegeInsider.com Tournament (CIT). This is a real tournament! Harvard lost in the first round to Appalachian State, but who cares. They made it to the third biggest dance. Read more...
We Offenders are all fans of Yuna Kim, the Gold Medal Winner and reigning world champion of Women’s Figureskating. Roger has professed his love here. Her athletic prowess is unmatchable and she has a few more good years to dominate the sport. Commentators are amazed at her sheer speed. So how does she do it? NYT produced a great segment, breaking down the physics of Yuna’s skating. I particularly love this because it’s told in her own words and is outlined in a very geeky way. Very cool!
In an age of bigger, stronger, faster, I love stories of people who succeed by finding alternate routes. At 5-foot, 114-pounder Eri Yoshida could be a perfect example. Yoshida became Japan’s first female professional baseball player when she made her debut last year. The then 17 year old who throws a sidearm knuckleball, stuck out one batter in Kobe 9 Cruise’s 5-0 win over the Osaka Gold Villicanes. Read more...
Those wacky folks at PETA are at it again. They announced this past week that they were going to unveil the following billboard in Florida to encourage pet owners to spay or neuter their pets:
But after “talking” with Tiger Woods’ lawyers, PETA announced yesterday that they will place the billboard “on hold” for now and go with another campaign. That must have been quite a talk.
With this past weekend’s stunning, 5-3 host nation defeat of the Canadian Olympic Hockey Team by the underdog Team USA, instant comparisons were drawn to the 1980 Olympics in Lake Placid. It was there three decades ago this week that an undermanned, undergunned and underexperienced USA Mens hockey team comprised of amateur college athletes shocked the country world — and themselves — with an odds-defying defeat of the mighty Soviet Union hockey team — a team that at the time, was arguably history’s greatest and at worst, above and beyond the current world’s best. It was famously dubbed “Miracle on Ice” and inspired the team to the eventual gold medal. Testament to the unique power of sport to unify, rally and focus anew a nation, it inspired an America out of its new decade doldrums. It was perhaps the gold medal-winning event of a gold medal-winning events. Read more...
Growing up, learning English was always a bit awkward. When my family and I emigrated to the states, I was eight– too old for Sesame Street but just the right age to be extremely aware I was not part of the norm. One of the pleasures I found was inside my elementary school’s little library. The donated books and its makeshift shelves acted as the fort I was looking for to escape from everything. There I learned English by reading the sports encyclopedia and biographies endlessly. Jerry West became my Big Bird and Reggie Jackson my Cookie Monster. And as for Oscar the Grouch, well… it was Oscar Robertson of course. Read more...
If you’re as excited as I am, tonight kicks off the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics. Snowboarding, downhill skiing, and the short track are just some of the many dangerous and entertaining events we all have to look forward to. Of course, no country will ever top the opening ceremonies of Beijing having two thousand and eight kids doing everything in unison (except maybe themselves) but the winter Olympics definitely has more edge to it. Which event could send someone to the hospital? The luge or the ski jumping? Even the 15km cross country skiing looks crazy. Maybe one of the tights could rip and you’re stuck out there bare ass in twenty below weather. Every athlete from all walks will be put to the test to call themselves the best in the world. I only wish they had something for the common man like cooking the perfect ramen bowl as an Olympic event. Ever try toasting your ramen hmmmm? I could really showcase my own talent.
What event are you looking forward to? If you could make up your own event, what would it be?
