SAF Seeking… Acceptance

I'm baaaaaaaaack!!!!

I’m baaaaaaaaack!!!!

Well, apparently it wasn’t a miscarriage.

I was sick a couple of weeks ago and since work wouldn’t allow me to come into the office (although I had a tower of stuff to do that was time-sensitive and no one else to do it), I decided to go to the doctor and get swabbed for strep throat which was making the rounds in Oakland. Hey, while I’m at the doctor’s, I should just go toddle off to the OB/GYN and make sure all that miscarriage stuff is cleared out of me just in case.

So imagine my surprise after being gagged with a strep swab and then poked by an ultra sound wand and a chuckle of “Well, you’re still pregnant.”
-”No I’m not.”
-”Yes you are.”
-”No I’m not.”
-”Look at the monitor.”

SAF Seeking… Laughter. Fleeting. Perfection.

guest_offenderANNIKA

Annika is a 28 year old Cambodian Vietnamese Chinese French American who recently returned to school to finish a bachelor’s degree in computer science and linguistics. Her hobbies and interests include swimming, cooking, baking, writing, reading, math, symbolic logic, learning foreign languages, and drinking espresso – and of course, boys.

You funny!!!

You funny!!!

He’s laughing.

“What are you laughing about?” I say.

We were, predictably, in bed after a long, few hours of dinner, wine, talking, smoking, listening to music, hand-holding, cuddling on the couch on the balcony, and getting to know each other through words and gestures.

A cigarette break on the balcony with him sitting on the couch while embracing me from behind, his head resting itself on my lower back, as I leaned over the rail, facing away from him puffing smoke into the warm Hollywood night. He pulls me onto his lap to exchange some words that, at this moment, I don’t remember because I was so lost in the moment. I remember nodding my head and leaning in to kiss him for the first time which, inevitably, led to very sensuous bodily movements and my suggestion that we take this into his bedroom just five feet away which then led into me taking my clothes off and him following suit in my disrobement to reveal one of the best male bodies I had seen all year and then him putting on a condom for… two seconds of sex.

Literally two seconds.

SAF Seeking… Her Groove and a Way to Get it Back

guest_offenderANNIKA

Annika is a 28 year old Cambodian Vietnamese Chinese French American who recently returned to school to finish a bachelor’s degree in computer science and linguistics. Her hobbies and interests include swimming, cooking, baking, writing, reading, math, symbolic logic, learning foreign languages, and drinking espresso – and of course, boys.

Oh yes, I am eye fucking you right now.

Oh yes, I am eye fucking you right now.

Indeed, we were exchanging glances of a certain intensity and an aloof furtiveness that required a cigarette break after. “Eye-fucking” as they call it.

My friend, “Tiger,” invited me out to the Avalon, a Hollywood techno club, as it was her boyfriend’s birthday and he purchased tickets to see some relatively unknown DJs spinning that night. I agreed to come along as I didn’t have anything else going on that night for once and that it would be a good opportunity to force myself to be social outside of work. In addition, the Avalon had been renovated since I was last there (and I was quite a regular, pre-renovation), so I figured I’d check it out, have a few drinks, dance a little, then take a Lyft back home to Culver City around 3 AM as I had to work at 10 AM the next day.

SAF seeking… A French Connection Part 2

guest_offendersANNIKA

Annika is a 28 year old Cambodian Vietnamese Chinese French American who recently returned to school to finish a bachelor’s degree in computer science and linguistics. Her hobbies and interests include swimming, cooking, baking, writing, reading, math, symbolic logic, learning foreign languages, and drinking espresso – and of course, boys.

(Read Part 1 here)

Oh those Frenchies!

Oh those Frenchies!

Sweat beads roll down his forehead and into my left eye as he’s thrusting.

Goddamnit. Ow. My make-up!

I’m half-squinting like a pirate who forgot his eye patch.

I make a swift shift of my head to the left to avoid anymore of his sweat getting into my eyes. His head follows suit and as he leans down to kiss me, MORE sweat gets into my eyes.

For fuck’s sake!

SAF Seeking… A reason to believe in a god

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“His organs are shutting down.”

I stare at the text. It’s 830am and I’m packing to get on the road for a 6pm go-time of a long-anticipated wedding way up in the California foothills.

Leonardo is dying. It’s been just a little over a year since his Stage IV cancer was diagnosed. Honestly, I thought he was going to beat it. He increased his positivity and prayer and looked on no side that boded ill. If you doubted him, you were against him and he was going to prove you wrong.

SAF Seeking… The Path Not Taken

No, not spam and eggs... SPERM and eggs!!

No, not spam and eggs… SPERM and eggs!!

I had braced myself for a hit. A slap. I opened my eyes. He had sat there staring forward out the front window shield, his hand lightly resting on the driver’s wheel while his mouth hung slack-jawed. It was 10pm at night and we had been sitting in his parked car outside the Fox Theatre in Oakland.

That’s how I remember him when I uttered “I’m pregnant,” to him as fast as I could before my courage waned and before he had to get back on stage.

We agreed to talk about it later when he had time to think about it.

*****

Wow.

SAF seeking… One small step

Is this coat not sexy?!?

Is this coat not sexy?!?

“I don’t know what to do with all this.” He motions to my furry coat, complete with sheep fur collar and cuffs. (I thought I was a vision in fluffiness; apparently I was a ball of cock-block.)

“But I’m cold,” I retorted as I looked around his room. (Hmm, he has a large collection of horror films.)

“I’ll keep you warm,” he protests.

“How?!?” I asked incredulously, pulling my warm coat closer around me. (Stupid rent-controlled SF apartments- they’re always drafty!)

“Just take it off.” I reluctantly remove my coat. He comes forward and gives me a full-body hug. It’s soft and warm. “Feel warm?”

I nod.

SAF seeking… A French Connection part 1

guest_offendersANNIKA

Annika is a 20-something year old newly single divorcee who recently returned to school to complete a bachelor’s degree in computational linguistics. She spends her time baking, cooking, swimming, hanging at pubs, trying different foods and restaurants, and inappropriately staring at the asses of unassuming men. She currently lives in Los Angeles.

Hey, do guys really notice if you haven't shaved your legs?!

Hey, do guys really notice if you haven’t shaved your legs?!

“Oh my god, I forgot to shave my legs. I hope he didn’t notice. He won’t, right? I’m Asian, I’m practically hairless!”

I’m sprinting to my car from the office in a neighborhood adjacent to Beverly Hills. He lives not far away from where I work and we actually have another hour before our agreed upon meeting time but he did extract from me a promise that I would get there sooner if I could, so there was no point in going back to my home to shave my legs.

His name is “Pierre” and we met two days prior to that while standing in line at Starbucks where I ordered a Blackberry Mojito Tea Lemonade with no other intentions in mind other than to drink my drink and go home. He was a rather tall gentleman for a Frenchman (5’9”ish), with beautiful, dreamy, thick dark blonde hair, peppered with a little grey, and your typical European hipster glasses. He was also kind of hairy, from what I could tell under his V-neck shirt, and I had also never been with a Frenchman before and so I think, “Why not check this box off?”

SAF Seeking… Brewed Hot Coffee

ANNIKA

Annika is a 20-something year old newly single divorcee who recently returned to school to complete a bachelor’s degree in computational linguistics. She spends her time baking, cooking, swimming, hanging at pubs, trying different foods and restaurants, and inappropriately staring at the asses of unassuming men. She currently lives in Los Angeles.

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“Is there hot coffee brewing?”

I work at Starbucks. It is my second job, in addition to a job I have working at a psychologists’ office and it is without a doubt the lowest paying job I’ve had since high school, but it also gives me the opportunity to receive benefits while working part-time. It also allows me to work around my school schedule while making a little extra money. It’s hard on the body and most customers are assholes, but I also work with a fantastically odd group of people and it is one of the most fun jobs I’ve had.

Most of us – the baristas – are young and single. Being that it is Starbucks, and despite working in an Orthodox Jewish neighborhood, we get a high number of good-looking customers coming in to get their brew for the day. In an effort to not be totally obvious, we’ve developed a lingo system to announce the presence of an attractive customer by saying “is there hot coffee brewing?”

SAF seeking… Clarity

guest_offendersANNIKA

Annika is a 20-something year old newly single divorcee who recently returned to school to complete a bachelor’s degree in computational linguistics. She spends her time baking, cooking, swimming, hanging at pubs, trying different foods and restaurants, and inappropriately staring at the asses of unassuming men. She currently lives in Los Angeles.

THE_END

Feel that? Brrr.

“I know this is a bad time to say this given your current condition [with food poisoning], but I think I’m going to cool my heels here. I do wish you the best and I hope you feel better!”

Ahhh, and our newborn dalliance comes to an end. It was the third time he had cancelled with such little notice and my vagina couldn’t take it anymore.

Too bad. I liked Ari otherwise – we got on pretty well. I always think back to the conversation we had about this song called “Bring on the Dancing Horses” by Echo and the Bunnymen that was on my profile and how much we both loved that song and how, in unison, we said, “It was written specifically for ‘Pretty in Pink’!” and I smiled because I hadn’t met anyone else who knew that little fact.

SAF Seeking . . . A New F Buddy, pt. 3: Who has Time for This Shit?

guest_offendersANNIKA

Annika is a 20-something year old newly single divorcee who recently returned to school to complete a bachelor’s degree in computational linguistics. She spends her time baking, cooking, swimming, hanging at pubs, trying different foods and restaurants, and inappropriately staring at the asses of unassuming men. She currently lives in Los Angeles.

(Read Part 1 here and Part 2 here)

So when ARE you free?

So when ARE you free?

Ari: What’s your week looking like?
Me: Uhhh, I’ve got an open slot for Thursday night and Sunday night. Nothing else though.
Ari: Crap, I can’t do either.
Me: There’s a possibility for Tuesday night, but not guaranteed.
Ari: I have client drinks which I can’t reschedule, but I know they’re early. I’ll text you that day.

SAF seeking… anger management

Where are the angels?

Where are the angels?

“Heaven has a new angel.”

“It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.”

“At least they died doing what they love.”

These are sayings that suck. They SUCK. They especially suck when you lose your partner and people say this to cheer you up.

My best guy friend just lost his wife. Poof! One minute she’s riding her bike in front of him, next minute he’s giving her CPR. Two days later he’s delaying pulling the plug on life support because he still wants to hold her hand even if her pupils are fixed and her brain has no activity. Heart attack. She had just turned 40.