SAF Seeking… A Sex Drive

Even this skeleton is more frisky than me.

Even this skeleton is more frisky than me.

“I think I’m numb from the waist down.”

I confide this to fellow SAF Seeking blogger Annika as I sit in a parking lot on my lunch break. She had just given me a quick sample of what she had written for the weekend and I was squealing with delight. Oh the embarrassment! The adventure! Giggles galore!

But after thinking about it, I felt sad. I don’t know where it went, but I have absolutely no sex drive. Since my fiancé’s passing a year ago, I’ve looked at pretty men but have had no tingle in the panties. You know that feeling? It seriously is a tingle, a momentary moistening, a signal that you might actually have to grind yourself against something to make it stop.

SAF Seeking… An awkward moment

imageANNIKA

Annika is a 28 year old Cambodian Vietnamese Chinese French American who recently returned to school to finish a bachelor’s degree in computer science and linguistics. Her hobbies and interests include swimming, cooking, baking, writing, reading, math, symbolic logic, learning foreign languages, and drinking espresso – and of course, boys.

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“Well. This is awkward.”

A phrase I have uttered many a time in my life, but in this particular instance, it was very awkward. There I am sitting completely naked, thumb in my mouth, and listening to two people escalate into a shouting match.

It was a Saturday night. Just a few hours before that, I suggested to my girl friend “Sky,” that we should take advantage of our night and go out for a drink at my favorite pub in Santa Monica. It is my favorite because the people are hot, nice, and the bartenders take care of me with free drinks every time I am there.

SAF Seeking… A plate of Asian American please.

And thus race is still a pink elephant in the room.

And thus race is still a white elephant in the room.

It’s one of those touchy subjects: casting. Even more touchy when it comes to racial casting.

There is a play called Seminar by Theresa Rebeck. One of the roles was originated by an Asian American named Hetienne Park. In most productions thereafter, the role has had a history of being cast as an Asian American, with an occasional African American female once in a while.

Now the show is going to be produced by a local theater company here in the SF Bay Area and it has the acting Asian American community’s interest piqued. Because truthfully beyond a few phrases of “I have an uncle who lives in Shanghai,” there is no mention of the character’s ethnicity. If the script doesn’t actually specifically say “Asian American”, it doesn’t say “Asian American” in the script at all, does it HAVE to be played by an Asian American?

SAF Seeking… A Dull Moment

imageANNIKA

Annika is a 28 year old Cambodian Vietnamese Chinese French American who recently returned to school to finish a bachelor’s degree in computer science and linguistics. Her hobbies and interests include swimming, cooking, baking, writing, reading, math, symbolic logic, learning foreign languages, and drinking espresso – and of course, boys.

This is my romantic life for the past week.

This is my romantic life for the past week.

My social/romantic life has been a bit hectic post-Andreas. I have effectively moved on from my crush on CB and have wandered into other ponds, so to speak. I was so embarrassed about everything that had happened between all of us that I just fell off the radar on CB’s side.

I met a boy named “Jay” last weekend at Canter’s Delicatessen. Without going into too much detail, we said hi, winked, bonded over a bowl of matzo ball soup (he’s a conservative Jew who grew up in synagogue life), and ended up back at my place to roll around naked for a few hours – no sex, surprisingly. He came over again the next night for round two – and, again, no sex which is totally okay with me. We were both honest from the start: we’re both recently divorced and recently broken up and we just want to have fun. You know, “friends with benefits” although he has been making contact with me every day since we met (big FWB “no no”).

SAF Seeking… The shouldas of home remodeling

Why can't my room look more put together than my actual state of mind?!?! Argh!!!

Why can’t my room look more put together than my actual state of mind?!?! Argh!!!

Ah! This is why we pay professionals!!!!

I am armed -armed I tell you!- with $3000!!! Yes I am! $3000 hard-fought American dollars to remodel my new condo! Woooo hooooo!!

That’s enough right? To redo the counters, replace the flooring, fix the electrical, AND buy a storage bed from IKEA yes?

Yup. Yes I am.

Yup. Yes I am.

SAF Seeking… Freedom from the Friend Zone

guest_offendersANNIKA

Annika is a 28 year old Cambodian Vietnamese Chinese French American who recently returned to school to finish a bachelor’s degree in computer science and linguistics. Her hobbies and interests include swimming, cooking, baking, writing, reading, math, symbolic logic, learning foreign languages, and drinking espresso – and of course, boys.

keep-calm-and-you-will-get-out-of-the-friend-zone-4 Hello CB, 

I thought, that we could maybe be friends, but after the argument between Annika and me on Wednesday with apparently total breakup, it probably won’t happen. You are good friends with Annika, and I believe that she would not find it well, if there is still contact. Thus, best regards and be well. 
Andreas

The email was written in German and this is my rough translation. It was my most recent ex’s third and apparently final attempt to cockblock / instigate / get CB to ask questions about our situation. Of the two dozen or so dates I’ve been on since the break up, CB was the only one I ever really, truly liked — and he is the most aloof (psychoanalysts, get your pens ready).

SAF Seeking… Death Anniversary

Something like this, but add lots of rain.

Something like this, but add lots of rain.

This is what a day might look like when you’re celebrating the one-year death anniversary of the man you love:

Look at the clock.

6:50am: One year ago, he woke up at this time and kissed you roughly on the cheek and said, “Don’t worry about breakfast tea.  I’ll be home in a few hours.  You sleep.  I know you went to bed late.”

7:20am: One year ago, you hear him padding around in the bathroom and then a final goodbye.

9:20am: One year ago, you woke up. You texted him, “I’ve emerged!” He doesn’t respond.  You brush it off thinking he’s just busy and will text you later.

SAF Seeking… A new step past the grief

A house in need of renovations may be a house full of memories.

A house in need of renovations may be a house full of memories.

The house is for sale.

The house that my fiancé bought and owned and fixed up for me and that we nurtured together is for sale.

It is a surreal moment to be sure. After the death of my fiancé, since we weren’t married yet, all his property goes back to his next of kin, and in this case, his parents.  Money is not something you want to discuss after the death of a loved one, so we left it at: I leave the home it doesn’t belong to me so take it and do what you will with it.

SAF Seeking… Friends with Exes in Awkward Situations

guest_offendersANNIKA

Annika is a 28 year old Cambodian Vietnamese Chinese French American who recently returned to school to finish a bachelor’s degree in computer science and linguistics. Her hobbies and interests include swimming, cooking, baking, writing, reading, math, symbolic logic, learning foreign languages, and drinking espresso – and of course, boys.

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I have a crush on a boy I went out with a few weeks ago. The crush is unrequited, but we have hung out a few times since the first date which, in essence, means I am in the friend-zone… which is totally OK with me. Interestingly enough, OKCupid has us listed as a 99% match.

It’s mixed-signals-ville with this guy. He has not kissed me since the first date, but he still opens my doors, pays for everything, texts me on a regular basis, and takes care of me in other ways (preparing my food, etc). It’s weird. One or two people have, seriously, speculated that he is not yet defined in his sexual orientation, and it has nothing to do with his aloofness towards me. I also questioned it myself at one point (I have a pretty good radar for these things).

SAF Seeking… Omg, it’s a foreskin!

Well, there it went.

I attended my first bris last week. How nerve wracking! And it wasn’t even my own kid!

circumcision1

As a fine connoisseur of all things penile (seriously kidding there), I am a firm supporter of the UNcircumcision. Just leave the dang thing alone! I’ve been with lots of men who have NOT been circumcised and truthfully, it’s fine. (I think it was an American thing to do from the 1960′s to about 1990 to always circumcise, I could be off on those dates. But apparently the rest of the world doesn’t circumcise as much.) I mean, it’s interesting. Some foreskins are like cute little turtlenecks: some foreskins are like baggy plastic shopping bags wrapped around a wine bottle. Whatever. It’s all part of the journey.

SAF Seeking… Who approaches who these days?

Tinder. Dating's Hail Mary.

Tinder. Dating’s Hail Mary.


According to this article in the SFGate, most people in San Francisco use Tinder. This is “Approaching 2014.”

But also according to the vitriolic comments afterwards, feminism is to blame for people not approaching. People LOVE to blame feminism for dating problems, basically a “You wanted freedom, now go suck it up!” attitude.

But in all reality, men and women, who do you PREFER to do the first approach? And for same sex couples, which do you prefer: being approached or approaching and why?

SAF Seeking… Hope for the Future

guest_offendersANNIKA

Annika is a 28 year old Cambodian Vietnamese Chinese French American who recently returned to school to finish a bachelor’s degree in computer science and linguistics. Her hobbies and interests include swimming, cooking, baking, writing, reading, math, symbolic logic, learning foreign languages, and drinking espresso – and of course, boys.

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“I think it has a lot to do with self-confidence and where you are with your life.”

That’s what my roommate told me when I confided to her that I did not think I could do better than my most recent ex-boyfriend.

I’m in a weird place, dating-wise. Well, life-wise. I mentioned in my previous entries that I was married for four and a half years or so. During my separation, I dated a guy for almost a year and a half and the divorce got finalized September 2013. I also made the decision to go back to school, but I am at least ten years older than most of the students there (see also: 100 years old in community college years). Post-divorce-boyfriend and I broke up in late January.