I love it when a commercial makes me emotional and perhaps even cry. It’s really a rather hard thing to do since you only have 30 seconds to establish character, create a story, and end it in a fashion that is deeply personal. This following commercial I found pretty cool because it was in a foreign language (that I do not understand) and had no subtitles yet managed to elicit a nice emotional response. I guess McDonald’s in the Philippines is truly a universal experience. McNuggets!
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Filipino McDonald’s – nothing lost in translation…
an unexpected financial butt slap
My AC/Heater unit just croaked. You know, that big, square, metal block that hides on the side of your house, thanklessly working to make sure you’re not too hot, not too cold, but just right? Well, my aluminum friend just upped and died on me. Fucker. OK, it wasn’t his fault. He’s been diligently working since 1989 (I bought my place in 2003). 21 years of flawless performance from a HVAC unit is impressive. It’s the equivalent of a human being living to 210 years old and forced to run an olympic marathon naked every single day from birth. He was a good machine that far outlived his time. His performance was gold medal worthy. BUT the bill for replacement felt far worse than Mao Asada’s loss to Yu-Na Kim. Far worse than my most recent rejection by Michelle Kwan (btw, I’m still available for casual or formal love making session, Michelle). It was an unexpected, financial butt slap of epic proportions…
$2,250? FML...
Total cost to replace? $2,250. And I had to pay cash. Why? Cause that’s how my HVAC dude rolls. Not a check, not a cash card, but with cold, hard, green paper. Paying my guy felt more like a Miami Vice drug deal than a home renovation project. I felt domestically dangerous in a way that only Sonny Crockett could understand. Now if I didn’t have a history with my HVAC dude, I’d think he was aiming to jack me of my bling, knock me out with ether, throw me in the back of his van, and sell me off to a rich cougar in the Hollywood Hills who would keep me locked up in her basement demanding a vigorous, geriatric pump at least twice a day (hmmm… kinda sounds like the life of my HVAC).
I Love You YU-NA KIM (b/c Michelle Kwan rejected me…)
I loved you Michelle Kwan, I loved you hard. Did not my sexy love poem scribed with the blood of my loins inspire you to become a Fan? Twas my offerings of eternal love, worship, and a lower, middle-class life not enough? Apparently not. 48 hours of silence can truly deafen a wanton heart. My soul is cracked and my audacity to hope, guillotined. All I have left now is my Ni Hao Kai Lan doll with aluminium foil skates (I made them myself) and an ego the size of an ant testicle. I loved you. I love you. I will forever love you. But I’m a big boy and I can take a hint…
Superstitious
My family was not particularly religious growing up, but what my mother lacked in religion, she made up for in superstitious beliefs. Not only did we have to incorporate Japanese superstitions, but American ones as well. So besides the whole 7-years-bad-luck broken mirror thing, I also couldn’t wear a new pair of shoes in the house or bunch things in four (the pronunciation for four “shi” is the same as the word for death, but I have no idea where the shoes bit came from.)
Some of the superstitions are common across different Asian cultures. For instance, sticking chopsticks upright in a rice bowl is a no-no, since that is the way rice is offered to the dead. I remember being at a function once where the dinner was supposed to be an “Asian” theme, but clearly was not decorated by an Asian because the center display at all the tables was a bowl of rice with chopsticks sticking straight out of it. There was a collective gasp as those of us who were Asian approached our tables. I quietly removed the chopsticks from my table display and I saw others do the same.
Some of my mother’s superstitions were outright nutty
I Love You Michelle Kwan…an Ode de Amor
I love Michelle Kwan. Always have. The girl’s got the entire package. She’s smart, well-spoken, has incredible skin, possesses legs as hard as granite, and is quite a looker. My only regret in life is that she and I never dated. I think we would have made a fantastic pair.
Usually I do not pursue a girl that I am interested in. Like the puma, I am patient. But I am getting old and wish to experience this relationship before I turn into an oriental raisin with a severe case of male pattern baldness and possible ED issues. Also, osteoporosis is not a kind dance partner to hot romantic seductions on ice.
So in the spirit of The Secret, I will set the metaphysical dominoes in motion by declaring my desire to date The Great Michelle Kwan in the form of a love poem. It is my hope that she will respond to my romantic beckonings before the close of the Vancouver winter olympics. With the extinguishing of one olympic flame, perhaps the flames of love of one of olympic’s greatest champions will spark and be inspired to burn forever bright. Let the games begin…
New Level of Bling?
What do you get yourself when you have some extra cash lying around? Boston Celtics guard Marquis Daniels has an idea.
Obama Lunar Shout Out
HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR!!! (Obama Style). Be the Tiger baby!
It’s nice to have a president who knows lunar new year to be more than just a restaurant somewhere in Chinatown.
Thanks to Konrad Ng (our 1st guest offender) for bringing this Obama home vid shout out to our attention.
(btw – if President Obama ever decided to retire from politics, I believe he could give Ryan Seacrest a serious run for his money.)
How Singing Karaoke In The Philippines Could Get You Killed
As bad as it is to stereotype a whole race, there are certain stereotypes that are more rooted in reality than others. Let’s be honest—Koreans do drink alcohol like water, Chinese really will eat anything, the Japanese are all-around freaks and Filipinos love to sing. Seriously, it’s like Filipinos are born with a musical gene. I’ve only met two Filipinos in my life with no musical skills and they were looked upon as if they had the Elephant Man disease. I remember a few years ago when the film Colma: The Musical came out and someone told me it was about a gay Filipino teen who breaks out into song and dance for no reason. I assumed it was a documentary.
A lot of Asians are into karaoke, but I don’t think anyone can top the Filipinos in their passion for it. If you’ve gone out to karaoke, I’m sure you’ve experienced something like this—everyone is singing, drinking and having a good time. Then, a Filipino dude or dudette walks in. The Filipino individual acts all shy and protests when you ask them if they want a turn, but when he or she takes the mike, they have an amazing voice that could give Simon Cowell multiple orgasms and suddenly everyone else is self-conscious about their own “sucky” singing and the evening isn’t as fun anymore. Well, if you think that’s bad, today’s New York Times has a story about how picking the wrong song when you karaoke in the Philippines could get you killed. Yup, killed.
And what is this deadly song? Frank Sinatra’s “My Way”:
today’s confusion is tomorrow’s normal
Every now and then I get really excited when I come across a piece of technology that confuses me. Confusing not because it’s difficult to use, but confusing because I can’t exactly figure out why it exists. I get even more excited when that mysterious technology is well-designed, fluid in function, and so original that perhaps it’s hinting at a future that has yet to fully materialize. This week I encountered two such mysteries. The first one is the website for this Sunday’s upcoming Grammy Awards. It has this gnarly, technological, algorithmic function where you upload your picture, color it, and plug in a few of your favorite bands and it instantly outputs a visual collage of links, videos, blogs, etc. all ghosted onto a dynamic mosaic of your pic. Here’s mine. If you look closely enough, you’ll see I’m a huge fan of euro techno pop as well as a bit of black man beat. I can’t exactly figure it out just yet, but I get a sense that the web is going to evolve into something like this. The TED site has a similar aesthetic (another site I love) Click on my pic if you want to make one for yourself. It’s kind of a trip.
cyber music Fan
The other piece of technology is the iPad. All feminine hygiene jokes aside, I get an erie feeling that this thing is intended for a tomorrow that has yet to come into full swing. I’m a life-long Apple user who rabidly uses my iPhone, MacBook Pro, Final Cut Pro, iPhoto, iTunes, iMovie, iCal, Safari, etc. everyday. Even after a few hours of online study of the iPad, only 50% of me really understands it’s true purpose. There something else I just can’t put my finger on, a greater intended use for this technology that isn’t written in the instruction manual…yet. I guess only time will tell. And though 50% of me is still a bit puzzled, I’m pretty sure that the mysterious purpose of the iPad is crystal clear in the mind of our techno savior, Steve Jobs. We’ll see…
iPad! Maxi cool? tbd…
Well it’s official. Steve Jobs has just introduced what may be the next big innovation in technology.
But the name? God help us. Oh wait, Steve Jobs is God, right? Apple rocks.
Steve Jobs’ Most Best
We are less than a few hours away from Moses Steve Jobs descending from Mount Cupertino with tablets of divine wisdom to present to the world. Rumor has it that Our Lord Steve Jobs will be unveiling what he considers to be “…the most important thing I’ve ever done.” That’s some seriously big words coming from the dude who transformed computing from geek ridicule into sexy cool. It’s like hearing Michael Jackson say, “I can dance better.” Really? Is that even possible? How can you best a superlative? I suppose if history is any predictor, The Great Steve Jobs can and will exceed “most best.” Hell, Jobs has created the Apple II, the iMac, the iPod, the iPhone, and has even made being bald a desired alpha male trait. The Almighty Jobs is one bad ass mofo. I cannot wait to see what he pulls out from under the sleeves of his holy techno robe. Your children await…
* thank you SpenChen for the divine pic
rockin’ wedding announcement video – with a funky twist
What land does this video herald where an asian fellow can snare such a fine, amazonian lass of the european variety? Perhaps it’s from another dimension or a realm of a different kind?
OK, it’s just a wedding announcement video (a rockin one at that) but man, I had to do several double takes when I watched it. Totally threw my expectations for a loop in the most wonderful of ways. I could go into associated images of media and how it creates expectations and life desires, but screw it, I’m not going to bore you with dry, academic shit on a Saturday. Plus, I’m sure this hot couple didn’t intend this video to be anything but a simple “save the date” for family and friends.
Thanks to CL (Cheap Shit Whore) for bringing it to our attention.
btw – best of luck Jeff & Erin (whoever you two are). may you have many years of health, happiness, and rustful sex.
The Future is Here!
In honor of the heavily rumored and somewhat mystical Apple Tablet, which may or may not come out this fall and may potentially earn Apple $3 billion in its first year from launch, the nerds at Gizmodo have edited a kick-ass montage of computers as portrayed in film and television. And guess what? The future is here, baby. Sure, no flying cars or dance clubs on the Moon but we got touchscreen interfaces!
Cool, eh?
But check out this recent TED Talk (another one of my web obsessions) with Pattie Maes of the MIT Media Lab’s new Fluid Interfaces Group, where she talks about the exciting, game changing Sixth Sense technology they are developing.
Confused about Leno/O’brien drama? The Taiwanese can help…
In less than two minutes, the Chinese Taiwanese managed to encapsulate and dramatize the whole Leno/O’Brien/NBC fiasco in a way that America never could. Was that really a cartoony Jimmy Kimmel hurling turds at a Hulk Conan and Superman Leno? Gotta love the Taiwanese…
American Dub (with nice chinglish accent to boot) – thanks John
Mandarin Dub (the original – just for kicks)
And if you’re wondering how the whole Tiger Woods crash really went down, the Taiwanese have the answer to that one too.
Shanghai Man Attempts Suicide With His Blow-Up Doll
I think my favorite TV show at the moment has to be 30 Rock and last night’s James Franco-guest starring episode was brilliant (you can watch it here). Franco, playing himself, embarks on a “fake” relationship with Jenna to hide from the public the fact that he is in love with a 2-D body pillow.
So you can imagine my further delight when I came upon a news posting with this headline immediately after watching the episode: “Shanghai Man Lands On Lover, Survives Suicide Jump.” According to the story, a 50-year-old man named Yang jumped from his sixth story apartment with his blow-up sex doll in an effort to end his life. But luckily, he landed on the doll which exploded and cushioned his fall; thus saving his life. As a blogger for a site like YOMYOMF, you live for stories like this and I was all ready to have fun with it. But then I started reading the piece and it’s actually a sad and touching story. Here’s an excerpt:
XBox 360 Blues… betrayal of my techno-gfe lover
I loved my XBox 360 and I thought she loved me too. We spent many late-night hours journeying through distant, exotic lands, killing invading aliens, driving 200 mph+ on curvy Italian coastlines, etc. But apparently it was just an act. Much like a high-priced escort, the whole thing was just an elaborate GFE to suck as much lust out of my bank account without me knowing. So many games she so slyly convinced me to buy. At $60 a pop, it’s not an inexpensive leisure. I had been living a life of romantic fiction, only to be rudely awakened two weeks ago when I caught my love displaying the unmistakeable guilt of the Red Ring of Death. My heart is now cracked and the wings of hope have forever been plucked from my soul.
I could have let her go, allowing her to die alone in my closet with the jagged scars of the RROD forever cut into my spirit. But I am not a monster. Though she plunged an ice ax into my heart, I called upon the combined forgiveness powers of Jesus, Allah, Yahweh, Buddha, & William Hung and dialed Microsoft 911.
Why 24 Million Chinese Men Won’t Be Getting Laid…By Chinese Women
According to a new study by the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences, more than 24 million men in China may find themselves unable to find a woman to wed by the year 2020. It’s not because Chinese men are seen as undesirable by the society at large (these are Chinese men after all, not Chinese American men), but because of a severe gender imbalance created by that country’s one-child policy which was introduced in 1979.
The study concludes that because of China’s cultural preference for males over females, sex-specific abortions have become common and resulted in this gender imbalance. For every 100 girls who are born in China, 119 boys are born. In some areas the ratio is even higher—130 males for every 100 females. The female shortage is expected to hit the men in less-prosperous regions especially hard. Many of them will have to marry later in life or wed brides who are much older if they’re able to get married at all.
Megan Fox Says…
Happy New Year!
May 2010 bring happiness, health, and prosperity to you, your family, & your friends. And hopefully a lusty encounter with Megan Fox or Taylor Lautner or… Philip
the death of X
12 hours ago, my late night, entertainment companion died. It was an unexpected death. But then again, when is death ever expected?
Last night I wanted to play. I wanted to play all night long. So, after taking off the packaging of my holiday gift, I eagerly anticipated inserting it into my late night companion, preparing for hours of joy, button pushing, ohhs, & ahhs.
red ring bad. green ring good. this is very, very bad
And then it happened: THE RED RING OF DEATH – 3 LIGHTS. Worse Case Scenario…
I have always heard about this Red Ring of Death in passing. I always thought it to be more legend than reality, kind of like unicorns, giant krakens, or Asian males with chest hair. But a legend it is not. Last night, my XBox 360 died on me without even saying goodbye.
What to do? Apparently around 30% (though I’ve heard rumors that claim up to 80%) of all XBox 360’s fail after purchase. It has become such a huge problem that Microsoft went out of it’s way to automatically extend their 1 year warranty to three years to avoid a XBox gamer revolt or, even worse, a mass defection to the new Sony Playstation 3. They even set up a special website explaining what to do.
So this morning, I printed up my prepaid UPS label, bubble wrapped my beloved, and sent her to hospice. Microsoft promises my game mate will return better than new in less than 4 weeks. So after paying $10.31 for the plane ticket, I kissed her on the power switch and bid her adieu. Though sad, I believe our time apart will make my love for her flower to even greater heights.
But now I’m stuck with nothing but a Wii. Not that Wii is bad, but it’s really only something I break out when friends come over and only after the drink flows generously for at least 2 hours. Nothing is funnier than drunk, Wii blowling. But for all night, solo-fun-play, only the 360 will suffice. What to do? Ah screw it. I’ll go to Target to purchase a Sony PlayStation 3 right now. I need a BluRay player anyway. I hope such an act will not be misconstrued as cheating for I am, at best, a polygamous gamer. I did tell 360 about the Wii as I did the Wii about 360. They now have to get comfortable with yet another game mate named PS3. They knew what they were getting themselves into…
i welcome change with open arms
