If I had all the money in the world, I’d remake ____ starring ____

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If I had all the money in the world, I’d remake STAR TREK with TOSHIRO MIFUNE

January 15, 2011 1:24 am

After the original Star Trek TV series went off the air in 1969, the show went into syndicated reruns and became the type of hit it never was during its initial run. So Paramount Pictures, the studio behind the franchise, was keen on reviving Star Trek in some form and eventually did so with 1979’s Star Trek: The Motion Picture directed by Robert Wise, best known for helming The Sound of Music.

But during the mid-‘70s, other ideas for reviving Star Trek were thrown around including a proposed second TV series as well as alternate film pitches. And if The Right Stuff director Philip Kaufman had been allowed to make his Star Trek movie, it would have starred legendary Japanese badass Toshiro Mifune (Rashomon) as the film’s Klingon nemesis.

Kaufman confirmed in a recent interview that he was indeed working on a Star Trek script (that never got made) and here’s what he said it would have been about:

My version was really built around Leonard Nimoy as Spock and Toshiro Mifune as his Klingon nemesis… My idea was to make it less “cult-ish”, and more of an adult movie, dealing with sexuality and wonders rather than oddness; a big science fiction movie, filled with all kinds of questions, particularly about the nature of Spock’s [duality]-exploring his humanity and what humanness was. To have Spock and Mifune’s character tripping out in outer space. I’m sure the fans would have been upset, but I felt it could really open up a new type of science fiction. Read more...

Author: Philip
5 Comments on If I had all the money in the world, I’d remake STAR TREK with TOSHIRO MIFUNE
Tags:
- 2001: A Space Odyssey,
- Akira Kurosawa,
- film,
- Klingon,
- Leonard Nimoy,
- Philip Kaufman,
- samurai,
- Spock,
- Star Trek,
- toshiro mifune

If I had all the money in the world, I’d remake ROMANTIC CLASSICS with JIN and SUN from LOST

May 10, 2010 2:40 pm

SPOILER ALERT: If you haven’t seen last week’s episode of Lost and don’t want to know what happened, skip the text.

When the television series Lost premiered six years ago, there was a fair amount of criticism from some in the Asian American community about the way Jin and Sun, the Korean couple played by Daniel Dae Kim and Yunjin Kim, were portrayed. Jin seemed to be little more than the stereotypical domineering Korean male while Sun was meek and submissive. I remember Daniel telling me at the time that he hoped people would give the show and the characters a chance to evolve. The audience did and the characters did change—eventually becoming the romantic heart of the show and providing something all too rare in Hollywood: a real love story between an Asian man and an Asian woman.

So when Jin and Sun met their deaths last week, there was shock, outrage and grief—an outpouring of genuine emotion for what may have arguably been one of the series’ most moving moments. As we countdown this month to Lost’s final episode, Offender David and I pay tribute to one of the great small screen romances by imagining Jin/Daniel and Sun/Yunjin as the leads in six of cinema’s most memorable romantic films.
–Philip

If I had all the money in the world, I’d remake TWILIGHT with PETER O’TOOLE

April 19, 2010 12:09 am

BOBBY

Bobby Glickert is a filmmaker and movie geek based in Los Angeles. He works for Justin Lin and spends his time working on film projects big and small. He is obsessed with Evil Dead 2, BBQ, and waiting for the I-Pad 3G to come out.

If I had all of the money in the world I’d definitely re-make Twilight with current day Peter O’Toole playing the part of the dreamy, brooding blood-sucking love interest Edward. And why is that, you say? I’d do it just to prove a point that a love story between a 109-year-old and a 17-year-old is freakin’ CREEPY!!!

Definition of a pedophile: an adult that is sexually attracted to children. An adult: someone over the age of 18. Granted Peter O’Toole isn’t 109, he’s still pretty damn old and wouldn’t it look a tad awkward if he was locking lips with a 17-year-old high schooler?? I asked a friend (who loves the books) how a 109-year-old bloodsucking stalker is romantic and she explained that it’s because “Edward has waited his whole life for Bella.” Hmm… Still kinda weird. Read more...

Author: Guest Offender
9 Comments on If I had all the money in the world, I'd remake TWILIGHT with PETER O'TOOLE
Tags:
- bella swan,
- Breaking Dawn,
- Edward Cullen,
- Edward Cullen is a pedophile,
- Jacob Black,
- New Moon,
- pedophile,
- Peter O'Toole,
- team edward,
- Twilight

If I had all the money in the world, I’d remake BACK TO THE FUTURE, THE TERMINATOR and HIGHLANDER with KEN JEONG

March 22, 2010 1:30 am

There may be no other Asian American actor in recent memory who has sparked as much controversy in our community than Ken Jeong but, as he demonstrates every week on NBC’s Community, he is also one of the funniest dudes around—Asian or not. But like other comedians before him, Ken may one day decide it’s time to stretch as an artist and prove himself in other genres: maybe as a romantic leading man or an action hero or even a cyborg killer from the future. Here are some remakes we think would be perfect for him should he ever choose to pursue this new career path:

BACK TO THE FUTURE (1985)
Ken Jeong as Marty McFly (originally played by Michael J. Fox)

In this version, Ken travels 30 years into the past to 1980—a time of disco, casual sex with no consequences and key parties. His future mom (played by Charlie’s Angel Lucy Liu) is a hard-partying slut who won’t give geeky future dad (played by Gedde Watanabe as Sixteen Candles’ Long Duk Dong) the time of day. Bif, dad’s romantic rival for mom’s affection, is no longer a dumb jock, but a sensitive and misunderstood singer/songwriter (played by Twilight’s Robert Pattinson) who brings his acoustic guitar to school dances, broods in dark corners and plays Jim Croce songs. Read more...

If I had all the money in the world, I’d remake BETTER LUCK TOMORROW with WHITE PEOPLE

March 15, 2010 12:17 am

If Better Luck Tomorrow had never been made, this blog would probably never have existed and you’d be sitting in front of your computer right now thinking, “Man, I feel this emptiness in my life like something’s missing, but I just don’t know what it is.” But luckily for you, the film was made, directed by fellow Offender Justin and starring fellow Offenders Roger and Sung, and we do exist to help push that empty feeling back into the void with your other buried neuroses.

But Better Luck Tomorrow could have also easily been a different movie altogether. Justin was originally offered the money to make his film by investors if he could do just one little thing…change the characters from Asian American to Caucasian. He obviously refused, but perhaps in an alternate universe, that world’s Justin Lin was so sick and tired of eating ramen three meals a day and carrying a six-figure credit card debt that he decided to accept the offer. In which case, Better Luck Tomorrow might have looked like this:

If I had all the money in the world, I’d remake WHEN HARRY MET SALLY with PRESIDENT OBAMA and JUSTICE SAMUEL ALITO

March 11, 2010 12:49 am

It all started back in January’s State of the Union Address, when President Obama cited the Citizens United v. FEC decision and voiced his concerns that it opened the nation up to the undue influence of special interests, a visibly annoyed Justice Samuel Alito rolled his eyes and mouthed the words “not true.” Read more...