Hope for Paws: Take That, Sarah McLachlan!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnYRhanK3XA[/youtube]Saw this on my Facebook news stream and had to post it. First off, Sarah McLachlan no longer is the only Canadian chanteuse who’s cornered the market on saving maimed and abused animals. That little minx Avril Lavigne, or at least her music, is stepping it up, swelling up the water works (and yes, you will cry) for this videolog of an abandoned and blind dog who was found living in a garbage pile in LA. Cue in touchy feely animal rescuers, a flea bath, an OG Asian veterinarian, and some much needed TLC and you’ve just witnessed the story of Fiona. I want to apologize in advance for posting this, but whatever. I’m going to cry myself to sleep now.

Good Thing, Bad Thing: Of Monopoly and Perverts

Good Thing:

While cooped up in a rental house on an ill fated vacation recently, we found ourselves playing Monopoly and someone drew the Chance card

“Pay Poor Tax of $15.”

My son Rafael burst out laughing.  The card appealed to his grim sense of humor: you got taxed for being poor?  How wrong is that? Hilarious!

I hadn’t ever given it much thought, but I wondered aloud if maybe it was the exact opposite, that what the card really meant was that middle class people had to pay $15 toward government aid programs for the poor.

Photoshop Looter

Is the above image confusing? Let me explain… The London riots this past weekend seem have simmered down a bit, with more cops on the streets, but there are still pockets around the city. The damage, physical and psychological, has truly affected citizens as class tensions become even more fiery in the UK. In fact, a colleague of mine, who runs a film distribution company felt this first hand, as his inventory that was stored in a Sony DVD warehouse and hub was burned to the ground last night.

The photos of rioters coming from the AP Wire are truly weird. It’s as if ATTACK THE BLOCK became a reality! Well, it’s just human nature to eventually laugh after the face of tragedy, and here’s a prime example: a tumblr feed of photoshopped looter pics. Some are really hilarious. Hence, E.T. with the juvenile delinquent above.

Suicide Bride

Whoo, a jilted bride. Talk about major draaamaaa! On May 17, in Jilin Province, China, a 22 year old college student put on her wedding dress and climbed out of a window on the seventh floor of her apartment building. According to local media, the woman tried to commit suicide after her boyfriend of four years broke up with her, just as they were making plans to get married.

A local municipal officer was able to catch her, while neighbors one floor down were grabbing her feet and were able to help by pushing her up. The whole drama unfolded on national television and as you can see, it was quite a rescue. Check out a news clip from The Today Show:

Good Thing, Bad Thing

One Good Thing


Doing Dell crossword puzzles makes me feel like Einstein’s great grandson.  You can find them for about three bucks at the supermarket checkout.  In fact, my copy says so right on the cover: “Find us at the checkout!” That’s how you know it’s important.  Just like Rolos, Trident Layers and breaking coverage of who has the best – and worst – beach bodies this season.

How good am I at these brain teasers?  Let’s just put it this way: I don’t do these babies in pencil.  I do them in pen.

Good Thing, Bad Thing

One Good Thing


I was catching up on some paperwork at one of the bars last week when I took a break to grab a sandwich at Subway.  I had just sat down at a table to eat when I noticed someone looking at me through the window.  She was a large black woman and she was smiling and waving.  She was obviously hoping to hustle me for money, so I looked back down at my sandwich and pretended that I hadn’t really seen her.  But it was too late: out of the corner of my eye I could see her heading for the door into the restaurant.  “Great,” I thought, “she’s gonna hustle me right here at the freaking table.”

TECH TECH TECH

We all love our smart phones, our laptops, our gear… our TECH!  We need it, we love it and we lust over it.

I was born with wires in my soul.  I always got the latest and the greatest to fill the need of being first and ahead in tech.  WHY?  It made my life easier… right?

I’m sitting with my friend in my favorite ramen house called “Quickly” in Alhambra (plugging away) and we’re ready to devour some ono-licious food.  I then get an email to make an emergency edit on a video and it had to be done now.  I’m about to eat and my friend is here and my home is 5 miles away… what to do?

One Good Thing, One Bad Thing: My Semen Test

Good Thing: I finally got to live out my fantasy of having sex in a public place.

Bad Thing: It was with myself.

Last week I went into a Quest Diagnostics Lab for a semen test.  (gasp not, dear readers, there is nothing wrong with my spunk – and I have the two children to prove it.  Before you roll your eyes, believe me, if you saw their noses and eyebrows, you would have no doubt as to their paternity – this was a different health matter, and I’m fine).

One Good Thing, One Bad Thing

One Good Thing
My son didn’t shatter his wrist. ‘cause if he had, I would be in deep shit.

A week ago my nine year old Gabriel asked me to take him and his friend Teddy to the skate park. It was a sunny Sunday, I was in a good mood, what the heck. “Let’s do it,” I said enthusiastically. I jumped up, checked for my keys and was about to open the front door when I caught sight of my wife, caught sight, that is, of her stern glance.

A keen sense of self preservation overwhelmed me. I made a prompt about face, turned back to Gabriel, wagged my forefinger and reminded him that, “Of course you can’t go today! You forgot your helmet at Tristan’s house! It’s unthinkable!” My wife returned to her current issue of “Simple” magazine and domestic tranquility was preserved.

This last Sunday Gabriel asked me again if he could go to the skate park with Teddy. During the week he had retrieved his helmet, so of course I could grab those keys without giving it a second thought. My spring friskiness had returned.

One Good Thing, One Bad Thing

One Good Thing
Best…title….for a book….EVER.

Also by the author: “Slash,” with Slash. “Too Fat To Fish,” with Artie Lange, “Tommyland,” with Tommy Lee.

One Bad Thing

Amy Bishop, the biology professor who shot three of her colleagues to death during a faculty meeting in which she was denied tenure. It’s awful. Tragic. But I have to confess that, for me, this is a good thing masquerading not exactly as a bad thing, but perhaps a bad thing with a silver lining, because we finally have some gender and class parity on the “going postal” front. The woman is 42, a Harvard educated neurobiologist, a mother and a professor working at the University of Alabama in Huntsville.

One Good Thing, One Bad Thing: The Asian Parents Edition

One Good Thing – Celebrity

You get a guest starring role on Dexter, they smile. You get an interview on CNN, they nod with approval. But if you score a spot hawking Salon Pas or boba drinks on an in-language (insert appropriate ethnic group) commercial for your local international TV station, they turn into drooling, screaming 13 year old Hannah Montana groupies. And you’re Hannah Montana.

One Bad Thing – Organic what?

One Good Thing, One Bad Thing

One Good Thing

Ben and Jerry’s ice cream cake.

My dear friend and business partner, we’ll call him Nick, is going through a very rough separation from his wife, Nora. They’ve dated for 11 years, been married for five. I’ve known them both since I opened the bars. He built the dj booth, built our sign, and has been a key dj of mine to this very day, spinning once or twice a week, every week, for the last ten years. She, too, has been one of my right hands. She’s bartended for me since day one. She’s charming, sweet, kind. We tease her that she makes “Hello Kitty” look like a bitch. They’re just this super cute Oakland hipster couple, driving around in a ’64 T-bird that he airbrushed with skulls, dice and all sorts of other Oaklandish totems. Picture perfect.