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Ladies! Your vagina may be too brown

  • April 12, 2012 1:06 am

YouTube Preview ImageSaw this over at Jezebel: Check out this advertisement depicting a South Asian couple, who are very fair skinned (just an observation), and the woman’s ennui of suffering through the idea that her vagina is just too brown. But don’t fret! There’s a new product out there that allows you to whiten your hoochie-coo.

It’s as if the woman in the commercial was suffering through some kind of infection, or worse, the blue waffle (Inside YOMYOMF joke… By all means, DO NOT GOOGLE “blue waffle.” I will never forgive you, Offender Jerome. You’ve been warned). No, she was just depressed because, hey, her vagina was too dark. Never mind the fact that her equally fair skinned boyfriend/husband had no worries in the world, sipping his coffee and getting ready for yet another awesome day!  Read more...

It’s Not Easy Being Spock

  • April 6, 2012 3:51 am

In high school my nickname was Spock.

In college an acquaintance once said, “Alf doesn’t shit, he deposits two odorless white pellets a month.”

And they were right.

It would take an army of Freudians to sort this one out, but for some reason, I always felt the need to project an image of inhuman perfection: unfailingly polite, perfect grades, aloof, cool, rational.  I did not yell at people, I did not get into fistfights, and when I lusted after girls, I usually pulled back the minute they showed any interest (time to call in the second army of Freudians).  Read more...

Escolar: the Pablo Escobar of fish

  • April 2, 2012 7:18 am

Ever have Butterfish?

Well, if you’re a sushi connoisseur, you most likely have.  It’s a firm whitefish that is succulent and incredibly rich in flavor.  To eat one, properly sushi-prepared, is a guaranteed, oral orgasm.  Well, at least it was for me the first time I had it – lightly seared with a dollop of apricot puree on top.  You never forget your first time.  I had three servings in less than 30 minutes.  And I joyfully swallowed each and every creamy bite.  Yum…

eat me

Never heard of Butterfish?  Perhaps you may know it by it’s other aliases like “white tuna” or “super-white tuna” or “walu” or…“Escolar.“

Shooting out Escolar is far more ferocious than being shot by Escobar

Escolar?  Yes, Escolar.  That’s the fish’s real name before it went to culinary finishing school.  Sounds kind of like Pablo Escobar, no?  And just like the Columbian drug lord, we too should fear and respect this snake mackerel fish.  For if you underestimate Escolar or Escobar, the final result is always predictably the same – bad shit happens.  Read more...

30 Years Ago Today: Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder Make the World a Better Place Musically

  • March 29, 2012 10:20 pm

Exactly three decades ago, on March 29, 1982, what may quite possibly be the greatest song about the joys of black/white man love brotherhood was released—Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder’s “Ebony and Ivory.”

The song spent seven weeks at the top of the Billboard 100, but that’s not what makes it the classic it is. Sure, there’s a lot about the song we can criticize: it’s a simplistic and overtly idealized look at race relations, the race relations in the song doesn’t even extend beyond the black/white paradigm (what—no love for us Asians?), the piano key metaphor thing is pretty obvious and silly, and no way does this song even come near the heights of the best work of either artist. But despite its many flaws, this song is awesome for one very important reason: without it, we would have never gotten this:  Read more...

Hope for Paws: Take That, Sarah McLachlan!

  • March 26, 2012 12:40 am

YouTube Preview ImageSaw this on my Facebook news stream and had to post it. First off, Sarah McLachlan no longer is the only Canadian chanteuse who’s cornered the market on saving maimed and abused animals. That little minx Avril Lavigne, or at least her music, is stepping it up, swelling up the water works (and yes, you will cry) for this videolog of an abandoned and blind dog who was found living in a garbage pile in LA. Cue in touchy feely animal rescuers, a flea bath, an OG Asian veterinarian, and some much needed TLC and you’ve just witnessed the story of Fiona. I want to apologize in advance for posting this, but whatever. I’m going to cry myself to sleep now.  Read more...

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

  • March 23, 2012 3:50 am

Baseball.   Stripping.   Hamburgers.

What could be more American than that?

And yet, little league officials in Lennox, California, a cash strapped, unincorporated one square mile burg next to Los Angeles International Airport, have said no to a $1200 donation from the Jet Strip, a local gentleman’s club.

Jet Strip – get it?  ‘cause it’s next to the airport?  And ‘cause they call certain pubic hairdos “landing strips?”

I digress, but not really.  When he heard about the rejected donation, James Wallace, the general manager of the Jet Strip and a fifteen year veteran of the Lennox Coordinating Council (the Lennox version of a city council), said this: “I just found it sad.  I had every good intention.”  Read more...

Walgreens Hearts Japanese Masturbation Toys

  • March 20, 2012 8:51 pm


Oh Walgreens, I have so much more respect for you now. I always considered you the underdog or even loser of the American drug store chains, but no more. Forget the Sav-ons and Rite-Aids of the world, none of your prudish competitors would dare stock a product like the Tenga Flip Hole for Male Masturbation Black:

And not only do you offer this high-end Japanese masturbation toy for sale, but just look at the pride and joy that oozes from your description of the product:

Tenga Flip Hole is designed to be the best male masturbator on the market. The Tenga Flip hole is deliberately not a simple artificial vagina – it is better. Filled with silicone ribs; nubs; gates; flaps; and pumps; the Tenga Flip Hole has an astonishing complex inside shape. Every centimeter of it has a particular function. Its flexible casing with buttons allows a total control of the stimuli. Flip Hole is the first masturbator that can open itself completely. For this reason it’s really easy to clean and to always keep it hygienic. The Tenga Flip Hole Black provides a tighter interior sleeve for a noticibly different feel from the Flip Hole White.  Read more...

Parents of the Year

  • March 16, 2012 4:34 am

While reading the morning paper (and yes, I still have large sheets of flattened wood pulp with inked words printed on them delivered to my home),  I reflexively avoid any stories having to do with children being abused, killed, etc.  It’s just too much.  It’s too ugly.  At this point in my life, I don’t need it.

But with a headline like “Two Children Are Found Living In Abandoned Bus,” I had to stop.

I knew I could read this one without plunging into depression over my coffee and bagel.  That one precious word – “Living”- was the key.

 Read more...

Save the Pussies at These Japanese Cafes

  • March 13, 2012 9:33 pm

I previously blogged about Japan’s cat cafes—which are literally businesses where people can go to hang out and play with cats. But now, due to a new law set to go into effect in June, those cat cafes may be in danger of closing.

The new changes to Japan’s Animal Protection Law are meant to limit “the public display of cats and dogs” in 24-hour pet stores where the animals are often kept in small cages under bright lights that are never turned off. But these changes may also severely restrict the hours of operation of the cat cafes, thus placing cat lovers in a misfortunate position and denying them the opportunity to spend time with their feline friends. So with that in mind, I present the following letter, written from my heart, asking the Japanese government to exempt cat cafes from this new law:  Read more...

Remember Utopia?

  • March 9, 2012 4:47 am

At Design Within Reach (aka Design Out Of Reach) you can buy a George Nelson reproduction ball clock for $300.

You can tune in to Mad Men and revel in the mid-century modernism of Manhattan.

That glorious era, the apex of American design and styling, has been hip for many years – it certainly was when I was in architecture school, years ago, but somewhere between the overpriced clocks and countless coffee tables books, the idealism, the utopianism, the passion and the hope of the original movement has been lost.

I know, I know: unalloyed utopianism in these post-post-modern times? You’d have better luck finding a flock of dodo birds nesting in your front yard.  Read more...

5 Asian Americans (Not Named Jeremy Lin) Who Came Out of Nowhere and Made an Impact

  • March 4, 2012 7:04 pm

Just a little over a month ago, if you said that an Asian American baller would emerge as the NBA’s newest sensation, no one would’ve believed you. Yet, that’s exactly what happened with Jeremy Lin. But he’s not the only Asian American who seemingly came out of nowhere to defy expectations and make an impact on society. They may not have triggered anything approaching the levels of LINsanity we’re experiencing now, but in their own ways, the following Asian Americans made unexpected contributions that were just as important.

1) DR. SAMMY LEE


If you think there are obstacles for Asian Americans in sports in 2012, imagine what it must have been like 64 years ago when Dr. Sammy Lee became the first Asian American to win a gold medal for the United States and the first man to win back-to-back gold in Olympic platform diving (in 1948 and 1952). Born in 1920 to Korean immigrant parents in Fresno, Lee learned to dive by jumping into a pit dug in his coach’s backyard because Asians were banned from using the local public pool (except on “international” Wednesdays). From these humble beginnings, Lee made Olympic history and went on to coach future Olympic divers like Greg Louganis. And having spent some time with Dr. Lee, I can personally attest that at 91 years of age, he still has the energy, drive, charisma and a way with the ladies that helped make him a star over six decades ago.  Read more...

The YOMYOMF Network: What if Billy Wilder Directed YouTube Videos?

  • March 2, 2012 12:01 am

The late Billy Wilder was one of the greatest filmmakers who ever lived. Over his long and distinguished career, he won six Academy Awards (for writing, directing and producing) and was responsible for such classic films as Some Like It Hot, The Apartment, Double Indemnity, Sunset Boulevard and many others. He died in 2002 at the age of 95 and as long-time readers of YOMYOMF already know, I was fortunate to have spent some time with him shortly before he passed away.

Ever since the announcement of our upcoming YOMYOMF Network on YouTube, I’ve been thinking a lot about Mr. Wilder. And what’s been foremost on my mind is this—God, I wish he were still alive so I could get him to write and/or direct something for our YouTube channel.  Read more...