Everything Porn Taught Us About Women is Apparently True


A new study conducted by the University of Essex set to be published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology claims that “women are almost always gay or bisexual and are almost certainly not straight.”


I knew it! And now science has confirmed it. Yes, science says it’s true so it has to be true. Without a doubt. End of argument. End of story. Adios. The fat lady has sung. This is the end, my beautiful friend. See ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya. Eat my dust. Buh-bye. Game over, man.

Hey Lonely Guys, How’d You Like a Girlfriend with Your Curry?


So what is it with the Japanese and weird curry? First, there was the story about the new restaurant in Tokyo that serves shit-flavored curry and now this: curry served with your own girlfriend. Well, kind of…


The name of this brand of curry translates to Men’s Delusional Curry (no beating around the bush here). It’s orange-flavored instant curry that comes with a DVD of a sexy Japanese model pretending to be your girlfriend so you no longer need to eat your curry alone.

Men’s Delusional Curry was created after a 2014 survey of single Japanese men revealed that what these sad lonely men desired most was a girlfriend to cook for them and at the top of the list for their dream meal: curry.

Too Soon? (The Halloween Edition)


An L.A. resident identified only as “Chris” was seen last night (Halloween) dressed in this outfit:


For those of you outside Los Angeles, you might be wondering, what the hell is he supposed to be? Chris’ costume is a reference to an accident that occurred on the morning of October 30 on the 5 Freeway here in the Griffith Park area of L.A. A motorist was weaving in and out of traffic and speeding down the freeway when he struck a vehicle. He was apparently not wearing a seatbelt so the force of the crash sent his body through the windshield and right onto the Colorado St. freeway exit sign where it remained for several hours until the accident was cleared.

1,001 Reasons I Love Movies (#39): Visiting This Japanese ‘House’ for Halloween


If you’re looking for a horror film to watch this Halloween and you’re tired of all the usual stand-bys, may I recommend the 1977 Japanese flick House?


House contains the usual horror tropes: a haunted house, young and nubile girls ready to be served up as supernatural fodder, dark family secrets–but believe me when I say you have never seen a movie like this before because…House is bat-shit crazy!

We all know the Japanese have some odd proclivities, but even by those standards…House is bat-shit crazy! The best way to describe it is: imagine if you were really sick and had a 110 degree fever and you decided to take a lot of strong narcotics to make you feel better before going to sleep and you washed all that down with alcohol and heroin. The ensuing nightmare you would have is basically what House is.

Why Japan is Awesome #1663: ‘Back to the Future’ Cafes


Happy Back to the Future Day!


Yup, this is the exact date when Marty McFly and Doc Brown arrived in the future from 1985 and while we have yet to see any flying cars or a Max Spielberg-directed Jaws sequel, there’s still a lot of cool things happening to commemorate the occasion.

And proving once again that when it comes to pop culture, the Japanese know how to do it right, there are five Back to the Future pop-up cafes making  the rounds in that country to help celebrate this anniversary. Great Scott, that’s indeed heavy!

Here’s How Asian American History Might Have Been Different if Ben Carson (and his guns) had Been Around


Photoshop by Offender David

Photoshop by Offender David

In the wake of the recent Oregon campus shooting, Republican Presidential candidate Ben Carson stirred up controversy when he explained that he “would not just stand there and let (the gunman) shoot me” and that he “never saw a body with bullet holes that was more devastating than taking the right to arm ourselves away.” Last week, the good doctor doubled down on his comments by proclaiming that the Jews in Nazi Germany could have fought back against Hitler and “greatly diminished” the dictator’s success if they only had guns despite facts to the contrary.

Which led me to thinking—what if Dr. Ben Carson had been around during critical moments in Asian American history to inspire our community to put his words into action? Here’s how some of the key events of our past might have turned out differently:

White Friends, Pay for My Therapy


29-year-old Asian American Rinna Rem has launched a crowdsourcing campaign asking white people to pay for some of the costs associated with illnesses caused by living in a city that’s really, really white—Portland, Oregon.


Rem writes: “The stress of living as a Thai-Cambodian woman in such a white city replete with constant interpersonal and institutional racism has a big toll on my health and wellbeing…I want to live a healthy, happy life. I want to have a healthy, happy family in the future too. Help me pay for therapy to deal with the stress of racism. Please don’t let racism shorten my life or kill me.”

As of this morning, Rem had raised over $1600 of her $2400 goal.

I’m Going to Cut ABC Some Slack for Mistaking the Indian Lead of Its New Show ‘Quantico’ for Another Indian Actress ‘Cause I Can’t Tell White People Apart Sometimes



ABC has received criticism for misidentifying Priyanka Chopra, the star of its new drama Quantico, with another Indian actress Yukta Mookhey in promos for an interview with the actress on Nightline that aired last night. ABC issued an apology after many pointed out the glaring error.

Around the Horn: Parenting Advice

HARVESTThis is probably the most selfish ATH, but I really want to ask all of you, as I’m going through surrogacy and am—what they call—“ an intended parent.” Congrats again to Offender Beverly’s baby girl! As some of you are parents already and others have experience with children or have close family members who are parents, what would be the one advice you’d give to an expecting single parent like me?

Offender Beverly, can I steal a baby picture from you for this ATH? Thanks!

Quentin's request is granted.

Quentin’s request is granted.

PHILIP: I’m not a parent so not sure I’d have any practical or realistic advice. Uh…maybe don’t feed them after midnight, don’t get them wet…wait, think that’s the rules to take care of Gremlins. Maybe make sure he or she learns Mandarin to prepare for a future where we’ll be living under our Chinese overlords? Yeah, I got nothing.

Food Is Weird

Food is so weird. I wonder who first thought of eating it.


Take honey. Someone, say 10,000 years ago, must’ve thought, “Damn, it really hurts when those fuzzy flying things stab me with their tiny swords, but it’s odd, their amber diarrhea smells kind of good. Maybe I’ll just stick my finger in their strange geometric toilet structure and taste some.”


How many ancient people died so that you and I know which mushrooms dress up a salad, and which lead to a slow, agonizing death?


Gallagher vs. Gallagher

It’s always tragic when a large piece of fruit comes between two brothers.


Leo “Gallagher:”


His brother, Ron “Gallagher Too:”

Ron Gallagher Smashing a Watermelon

The year: 1998

The setting: Green Room, Drop Inn Nightclub, Manayunk, PA

Gallagher: So hey, Ron, we need to talk.

Gallagher II: Sure, but it’s not Ron – I go by Gallagher.

Gallagher: I know. So do I. That’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.

If Only They Had Named It “Fluffy McGiantPupils”


The most shocking thing about this story, of course, is that Fox News has a female African American anchor.


Harris Faulkner hosts a daytime show on the network called “Outnumbered” (yes, yes I would agree, and by a lot), and a Sunday evening newscast.

She is also suing toymaker Hasbro over its toy hamster, “Harris Faulkner.” The human Harris thinks the hamster Harris looks too much like her.


Clearly she has a point, but…