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Around the Horn: Room for Improvement

  • January 31, 2012 1:55 pm

“Room for improvement” was one of these popular comments I got from teachers when I was going to school in Hong Kong. On some subjects, I worked my ass off and did better than half the class and I would still get the comment “room for improvement.” Personally, I never quite enjoy hearing a comment with the word “improvement” because it reminds me of how difficult and competitive it was going to school in Hong Kong.

What does “improvement” mean for you? And if there’s one thing you can improve this Year of the Dragon in your life, what would it be?  Read more...

Around the Horn: What Songs Make You Nostalgic?

  • January 16, 2012 4:19 pm

I’ve touched on this before, but one post cannot contain my wonder at and fascination with the way our senses can bring us back to moments in our lives we’ve long lost.

How the touch of an old plush bear can take us to childhood; how the sight of a decrepit building transports us to a time when it was so full of life; and, more to the point, how the opening notes of a pop song can remind us of someone we knew in our youth – their ability to draw us into reveries cannot be overstated in mere words.

Time travel? I don’t need a machine. I just need a playlist of some simple songs and I’m five again, eleven again, eighteen again.  Read more...

Around the Horn: Will Internet Commenters End the World?

  • January 9, 2012 4:40 pm

Justin Halpern, who started a twitter feed, a book and a now defunct TV show called “Shit My Dad Says,” posted a great conversation with his dad about why Internet Commenters will eventually end the world. I won’t post the entire article, which you can read on Funny or Die , but here are excerpts:

>>>>

“Hey, Dad,” I said, answering the phone.

“I just read on the internet that you’re a talentless piece of shit,” he said.

“What?”

. . . .

”Doesn’t it bother you that people can go on the internet and call you a talentless piece of shit, and never have to say it to your face?,” he continued.  Read more...

Around the Horn: Death

  • January 3, 2012 6:54 am

What do you think of death?

I’d like to believe in heaven or something similar, but I currently don’t. Right now I assume that when you die, you experience nothingness.

What are your beliefs about the afterlife?  How does the approach of death, or the idea of it, affect you?

JEROME: I’m too much of a coward to outright deny the existence of an afterlife. But I also do like to think of Death as a means of motivating me out of stagnancy or laziness – the idea of a Reaper on my tail keeps me on my feet and toes in equal measure. Don’t reckon that can ever be a bad thing.

I've got my eye on you, Jerome!  Read more...

Around the Horn: It’s The Thought That Counts

  • December 26, 2011 8:54 pm

There's something for everyone

Buying gifts during the holidays tends to be a double-edged sword for me.  It’s actually quite fun and novel for me to find things for people I don’t normally buy gifts for –  friends, colleagues, and those who have hard jobs helping people like me out (eg: the staff at my doctor’s office who normally get chewed out by fussy Santa Monica housewives).  I like to figure out what they need, what they wouldn’t buy for themselves but would enjoy, etc.  Read more...

Around the Horn: Puberty and Other Signs of Aging

  • December 19, 2011 9:33 am

I’ve been thinking lately about growing older. I suppose I’m the right age for that, having turned 54 this year. Though actually, I had my first midlife crisis back when I was 27, so this aging thing has been a periodic preoccupation for me. Like they say, getting older certainly beats the alternative. And currently, I find myself wanting to do new things: like I acted, playing a character for the first time, in Offender Quentin’s upcoming feature WHITE FROG. Also, I’ve learned that I enjoy cooking for my family (for some really easy, yet really tasty, recipes, I recommend Ming Tsai’s book SIMPLY MING). Moreover, I’ve started rediscovering some earlier interests. Back in college and during my 20’s, I was a jazz and electric violinist. I’d let my music go over the decades, but recently, I picked my instrument up again and started playing some gigs. So, as midlife crises go, this one’s been pretty enjoyable and constructive.

DDH at age 17.

One compensation of getting older if you’re Asian American, is that people tend to think you’re younger than you actually are. Sometimes when friends point this out, I reply that looking younger now makes up for having spent my early-20’s looking like a 15 year-old, which was no fun at all. A middle-aged Asian guy once shared with me his theory about this: he believed that Asian males develop physically more slowly than our non-Asian counterparts. It seemed like a wacky idea at the time, but over the years, the notion has sorta stuck in my head. I mean, I do think I hit puberty later than most of my friends, and it didn’t finish for me til I was like 22. Whereas in general, we tend think of puberty happening, what, like between 12 and 18-19, right?

I figure the Offenders are as good a group as any to poll on this issue. Is it possible that Asians, as a very broad generalization, are physical “late bloomers,” which then ends up being advantageous in middle age? (This guy’s theory concerned men, but let’s include
women too.) Or is the whole notion ridiculous and my own experience was just a personal thing?

And here’s a bonus question: in my mind, I think I’m still 35. How old are you in your own mind?  Read more...

Around the Horn: Teachers You Respect

  • December 12, 2011 10:47 pm

IN THE DAY:

I was never studious in my youth.

I never knew how to motivate myself to do my homework.

I hated to be in school.

But I do know this… in my senior year, on the brink of not graduating my advanced English class, which I was mistakenly placed in… my teacher got me through my final paper and passed me with a ”B”.

Only in my fleeting moment of hope with “Mrs. Wong”, that I find that teachers do make a difference in ones life… especially me.

PRESENT DAY:

My wife is a teacher and I respect her profession dearly.  She works hard after school to correct homework and makes lesson plans for the next day.  She’s been teaching Biology for over a decade and receives an o.k. salary.  Read more...

Around the Horn: Who wants an orgasm?!

  • December 5, 2011 2:30 pm

Pleasure, whichever way you find it.

I was having drinks with a great girlfriend “Gina”, discussing our various men in our lives and sex in general. (Yup, just another day at the office.) She’s 30-something, beautiful, witty, smart, talented, and in general, one of those girls who’s got it all.

Then Gina dropped the bomb on me: she’s never had an orgasm.

"Beige, yes, I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

Okay, that sounds a bit black and white, and I am sensationalizing it. She’s had an orgasm, sure… once or twice with an old boyfriend FROM LONG AGO… but not with her current beau. And she wondered openly, “Do you think that’s a reason why guys break up with me?”  Read more...

Around the Horn: Should I Occupy?

  • November 28, 2011 1:20 pm
I was asked the other week to join the Occupy Veterans protest down on Wilshire blvd in Westwood. The cause they were fighting for were concerns such as homelessness and unemployment within the Veterans community. Slightly different than the normal Occupy Wall Street concerns but still the same. The notice also said to be prepared to camp for more than a week’s time and to be arrested. I guess being arrested would solve the homelessness problem but that’s beside the point. But because I’m a veteran, was I suppose to oblige and bring my tent? Are people in general suppose to band together and join the demonstrations too? With the start of Occupy Wall Street back in September as a peaceful demonstration to what happened now at UC Davis with the police pepper spraying students for no reason, are all these protests and demonstrations truly doing anything? Or are we witnessing the start of something?

An expert (my stoner friend) was explaining to me his theory about the pendulum swing. He explains the last time we’ve had these kinds of demonstrations and people expressing the unfairness was back in the 60’s. And back then, the protests became so big and effective enough, there was change and progress. But it was only a quick fix to alleviate the chaos and over time things swung back to be more conservative and then finally more authoritarian. So are these demonstrations starting with Occupy Wall Street powerful enough to be effective? I haven’t heard Obama or anyone from the government acknowledge any of these movements. Do people like you and me even feel like its worth taking part of any demonstrations especially since the law enforcement are more likely to take shooting practice with their rubber bullets and pepper spray? Or should we be out there, arms locked, and fighting against social and economic inequality?  Read more...

Around the Horn: Han vs Han Revisited

  • November 21, 2011 9:46 am

ANDERSON: Offender Sung recently blogged about the “Other” Han, in the show 2 BROKE GIRLS, and how this stereotypical caricature of a character is step back for Asian Americans in mainstream media. Many people have derided Matthew Moy, the actor who plays Han on the show, for his Oriental, foreigner accent, and have practically asked for his head on a stick. But after doing more research on the guy, I realized that I’ve seen him before in other shows, and you know what? He’s pretty damn funny! Check out his acting reel below:YouTube Preview ImageSee, guys like Sung, and John Cho, Roger Fan, Daniel Dae Kim, Daniel Henney, etc, these are the leading man good looking types. Matthew Moy, on the hand, is a character actor.  Moy is pretty funny. And because of his stature, he plays a certain type of character. He kind of reminds me of Mickey Rooney, another small guy. From the comments section in Sung’s blog, as well as other reactions on the Internet, many people make fun of his size. He’s a tiny guy and perhaps it’s his stature alone that Asian American males, take offense with, more so than his foreign accent and the fact that his character of Han “wants to be so hip?” So can we give this guy a break or should we break out the pillory? Let’s see what the other Offenders have to say…

 Read more...

Around The Horn: Tax Them Babies!

  • November 14, 2011 6:55 pm

ALFREDO: So we’ve just added our seven billionth person to the planet and Jim and Michelle Duggar of reality TV show “19 Kids and Counting” (formerly “18 Kids and Counting” and, before that, “17 Kids and Counting”) have announced they are expecting their 20th child.  Congratulations Duggars!

It’s all too much.  I can’t take it.  And I don’t think the planet can, either.

I think we should impose extra taxes for having too many kids.  I just don’t know what the magic number should be:  2?  3?  9? 14?   We already have sin taxes for cigarettes and booze.

Why not a sin tax for having babies?  Read more...

When is Eating 69 Hot Dogs in 10 Minutes Not Enough?

  • July 5, 2011 1:40 am

Or…when is a World Record not a World Record?

That’s the question likely to face Takeru “The Tsunami” Kobayashi, the Japanese competitive eating dynamo who set a world record yesterday for eating the most number of hot dogs (and buns) in a 10-minute period by putting away 69 hot dogs. Kobayashi’s main rival, Joey “Jaws” Chestnut was able to eat “only” 62 hot dogs during Nathan’s Fourth of July Hot Dog Eating Contest, which takes place annually on Coney Island (the Superbowl of competitive eating).

The only problem is Kobayashi wasn’t officially entered in this year’s competition. Instead, he devoured his hot dogs from the roof of a Manhattan bar while a big screen next to him aired the actual contest from Coney Island in real time:

 Read more...

Question: How hard is your heart?

  • July 3, 2011 2:06 pm

When I first moved to LA from San Francisco, my first bewildering thought was, “Where are all the homeless people?” I grew up stepping around homeless people on a regular basis. It’s just the way it was in San Francisco. San Francisco itself is a mere 7 miles by 7 miles and if you’re a city who’s famous for hippies, fair weather, and fabulous welfare infrastructure, well… it attracts a lot of soul-seekers and down-on-their-luckers.  Read more...

COMMUNITY QUESTION: Do you leer?

  • June 23, 2011 12:00 am

Ladies and gentlemen:

We are becoming a culture of obviousness.  Gone are the days of subtlety, of subtext, of reading between the lines.

Yes, I sound like an old man, but didn’t I just preface this article with the phrase “Ladies and gentlemen”?  I’m really not hiding anything.

Admittedly, yes – I may be looking at the past with rose-coloured glasses, inferences built upon notions derived from popular entertainment.  However, I’m still willing to bet my second-born illegitimate child that our predecessors on the whole were not so blatant.

But before you jump to conclusions, I’d like to say that I, for one, am glad we are giving the guillotine to understatement.

So this week I ask you all:

Look, this is a broad subject – I should know – so I’ll hone in one on particular niche of creeper-dom: looking at people you’re attracted to.  Read more...

COMMUNITY QUESTION: Do you know your movie theater etiquette?

  • June 9, 2011 12:00 am

Moviegoing, for me, is the closest thing I’ve got to ceremony in my life.  In my habits here, I am very predictable.

I always show up about thirty minutes before showtime – twenty at the latest – to make sure I get a seat in the middle of the middle of the theater, generally the aural sweet spot of the space.

I buy a box of Red Vines to get through over the course of the movie.

And, of course, I store the ticket stub in my wallet to add to my bulging collection in there.

If filmmaking is a religion, the movie theater is my church and so with it comes, fittingly, certain expectations of conduct.

Let’s start with the obvious thing to bitch about: talking.  So many people are in agreement with this that most, if not all, theaters have a sort of PSA about it prior to the movie starting.  You know the one I’m talking about.

It’s the one with the cheesy graphics asking you politely to “refrain from talking.”  Haha – everyone knows you don’t get anything by asking politely.

Anyway, yeah – no shit.  Moviegoers aren’t spending two hours in the dark to hear you talk; there are more beautiful and important people up on screen to pay attention to.  And if s/he is so important to you, why did you bring your baby to the theater when s/he’s probably scared of the dark?  Read more...

COMMUNITY QUESTION: Do you know your line etiquette?

  • May 23, 2011 12:00 am

As I mentioned before, waiting in line, while often excruciating, can occasionally provide surprise moments of happiness.

Well this week, I’m here to remind you of the misery life doles out the majority of the time.

Lines, I think, are simple.  Whether it’s at the doctor’s or the supermarket, you find the end of the line and that’s where you begin your wait, the long (or short) trek to your goal.  Sometimes, this can be confusing.

No, I’m not being sarcastic.  I’m trying my best to see this from all perspectives:

Sometimes, lines snake all around, all over the place, and it is hard to discern where they actually end.  On occasion, a line that starts off as a single one might fork suddenly at the end, seemingly or in actuality.

Yet even then, all it takes is a quick question, a quick moment, with the presumed end of the line to discover if that person is indeed who you take them to be.

Then you can take your appropriate place in the line and wait it out like all the other people.

 Read more...

What’s Every Filipino in the World Doing Saturday? Oh, Right.

  • May 5, 2011 1:53 am

I already know the answer, but I love this Photoshop template I made so I’m gonna go ahead and ask all you Filipinos:

But honestly, what sort of self-respecting Filipino are you if you aren’t at someone else’s house, mooching off their Pay Per View this Saturday?

Not much of one, really.

The phenomenon nearly transcends stereotyping.  Ask any Filipino about “The Fight.”  You don’t even need to specify the pugilists involved.  We just know what you’re referring to.

As far as we’re concerned, shit is like Highlander: there can be only one and at any given time, it’s gonna be the one with Pacquiao and his next victim.

Must blow for that dude.

I vaguely remember when this all started:  Read more...

No Visuals, Just Follow Your Nose!

  • May 1, 2011 12:51 am

 There’s no poop. For all the times I’ve seen films that take place in San Francisco, I’ve never seen random poop on the sidewalk. Really?! Come on now! Everytime I walk down the streets of downtown SF, I walk around 2-3 piles of freshly-minted human fecal matter. And if not poop, definitely piss. If it’s wet and it’s trailing from a vertical surface, it’s probably piss. Going to work, just in the six blocks from the BART station to my office is like playing hopscotch around the lines of urine moving at different velocities trying to catch up to my feet. 

But poop is not my point.  Poop just exemplifies it. You see, poop is inextricably intertwined with the scent of a real city for me. It is. I inhale piss and it reminds me of that time I was walking along the Seine river in Paris, or walking out of the subway station to my friend’s apartment in Brooklyn. 

Poop, piss, smoke, exhaust fumes, spittle, heavy duty detergents, hard water, hot asphalt, tar, jackhammer dust, rusty metal, discarded rotting coffee cups… THAT is the scent of a city! (LA always threw me off though. It smelled of asphalt, but it smelled of dried dying plants too. It was different.)  Read more...

Kids on Planes and I hate their parents

  • April 17, 2011 7:15 am


It’s one of those days. I’m tired, I’m flying. I have to wake up early for work, pack the barest minimal of clothing in order to fit everything into one carry-on bag (since airlines have started charging for checked baggage), skip my morning workout, check to make sure I’ve dotted my I’s and minded my Ps and Qs, walk out the door, and make sure that the door doesn’t hit me on the way out. Take train to station. Take shuttle from station to airport. Stand in line. Get boarding pass. Stand in line to get thru security. Take computer out, take sundries out. Take shoes and coat off. Get ‘randomly selected’. Get patted down by dour faced woman. Stand in line for sandwich. Eat sandwich at gate. Stand in line for boarding. I have a cross-country flight for work and I’m looking forward to sitting down and sleeping lightly for the next few hours.  Read more...

MAGIC IS REAL!

  • April 11, 2011 10:35 am

My family and I were at a Target the other day when my father made a comment about a shopping cart in our way.

He told my mother and me about how these carts will stop moving once they pass a certain part of the premises.  My mother did not know this and was clearly impressed, wondering how they’d be able to do that.

I, on the other hand, did know this; had, in fact, the knowledge of this quality in the back of my brain somewhere; and had wondered about the very same thing for that much longer.

The only thing was that curiosity never pushed me to inquire as to how this is done.  It never compelled me to perform the Herculean task of doing a Google search about the whole thing.

And I’m not even going to start now.

Because this way, as far as I’m concerned,

MAGIC IS REAL!

 Read more...