An Open Letter to The Walking Dead’s Maggie Greene

WALKING DEAD'S Glenn and Maggie.

WALKING DEAD’S Glenn and Maggie.


Hey Girl:

You may not know it yet ‘cause you’ve been too busy fighting off those big bad Wolves back at Alexandria but it looks like your man, Glenn Rhee, is dead. I apologize if that was too blunt a way to break the news to you, but having lived in the zombie apocalypse for as long as you have, I know you wouldn’t want it any other way.

Now, I know there’s some people saying he’s not really dead—that he slid under the dumpster or some ridiculous crap like that, but, girl, I’m here to tell you—that’s not true. Glenn is dead. He is absolutely, completely, Julius Caesar-level dead. I know that must make you sad, girl. ‘Cause he was your man (and let me emphasize the “was”/past tense part of that sentence). He’s gone and nothing’s bringing him back except in some inappropriate flashback to better times which will make you sad or as a Glenn zombie that you’ll need to stick a knife through which will make you even sadder.

And that’s why I’m writing to say: I’m here for you, girl. When you’re sad and you’re desperately missing that masculine Korean American shoulder to cry on, check this out, it’s waiting for you:

An Open Letter to the Entitled and, Yes, Racist White Woman who Didn’t Want to Pay $5 for Parking


Dear Entitled, Racist White Woman:

And yes, that’s what you are. Entitled and racist. I was in the car behind you in the parking lot of the Brentwood Countrymart a couple of days ago as you tried to exit the lot and witnessed your “interaction” with the parking attendant. Look, I get it, you’re from Brentwood—which has its fair share of entitled and racist white people—but at least those people usually try to put on a semblance of “liberalism” and “enlightenment” when they’re out in public, but you—nope, none of that seems to be in your DNA.

So here’s what I saw unfold before me: you drove up to the parking attendant to exit the lot and he asked for your parking ticket. You handed it to him and he pointed out that the ticket was not validated, therefore, you had to pay the rate of $5. This basically sent you into a rage where you spouted a whole litany of clichés like “I’m not going to pay for parking” and “It’s not my problem that my ticket wasn’t validated”.

An Open Letter to Sichuan Garden’s Ran Duan


(Please see the details of the case of Ben Edelman vs. Ran Duan of Sichuan Garden in the following link)

Dear Mr. Duan,

I have reviewed the published correspondence between you and Mr. Edelman and have deemed Mr. Edelman to be in the right.

As a Chinese immigrant myself, apart from your restaurants not adhering to the provisions of State laws, I am appalled at the horrible customer service and experience that you and your institutions provided to a legitimate and paying customer, including ungrammatical English.

An Open Letter to Mark Wahlberg Regarding Atoning for His Racist Past



Dear Mark Wahlberg:

You made news this past week by formally applying to the Massachusetts Board of Pardons to have a 1988 “incident” erased from your record. The incident in question involved a then 16-year-old you beating a Vietnamese man, Hoa Thrinh, to the point where he lost sight in one eye and referring to him as a “gook” and “slant eye” (this immediately following another incident where you stole beer from another Vietnamese man, Thanh Lam, and hit him as well).

You said you are seeking the pardon to show other at-risk youth that they can turn their life around and that “since that time, I have dedicated myself to becoming a better person and citizen so that I can be a role model to my children and others.” Oh, and something about it being harder for you to get a liquor license to expand your businesses with your past criminal record.

Now, many have attacked you for your request arguing that you haven’t taken full responsibility for your past actions and considering you also chose the worst possible time to ask to be forgiven for beating a man in what’s essentially a hate crime, the outrage is justified. But let me make a suggestion that I think can be the first step toward reconciliation and winning your critics over to your side.

An Open Letter to the Producers of the Anna May Wong Biopic

Anna May Wong (left) & Fan Bingbing

Anna May Wong (left) & Fan Bingbing

Dear Producers at Shanghai-based Fundamental Films:

You announced last week that you will be producing a film entitled Dragon Lady, based on the life of pioneering Chinese American movie star Anna May Wong to potentially star Chinese actress Fan Bingbing (most recently seen as one of the mutants in X-Men: Days of Future Past). Before I start, I’d like to offer my congratulations! Wong is a true Asian American icon and it’s great that more people will be exposed to her story. You’ve already hired American writers Jonathan Keasey and Brant Boivin (writers of the upcoming Will Smith-produced My Wife Hates Your Wife) so it looks like you’re well into the development of the project.

As I’m sure you already know, but for the benefit of our readers who may not be aware of who Wong is, a short bio: her career spanned several decades from the silent film era (where she made her mark in films like The Toll of the Sea and Piccadilly) to her death in 1961. Along the way, she starred alongside idols like Marlene Dietrich in Shanghai Express and Douglas Fairbanks in The Thief of Bagdad, but faced her share of obstacles including losing the female lead role in The Good Earth to Caucasian actress Luise Rainer who played a Chinese peasant in yellow face and won an Academy Award for it.

I’ve no doubt you will do your best to produce a biopic that does justice to Wong’s life and career, which is why there’s one aspect of this news that bothers me. And that’s the casting of Fan Bingbing as Wong.

Letter To A Douchebag


There are many ways to identify douchebags: their open shirts, their indoor sunglasses, their liberal use of hair product, but what about their parking habits?

I hate people who park in other people’s reserved spaces.  That whole sense of entitlement, of thinking the rules don’t apply to you.  Ugh.  And then there are those people who straddle the yellow dividing lines, hogging up two spots.  And don’t get me started on the goons who park illegally in handicapped spots – in my book, you’ve just booked a seat on the karmic express to hell.

So why on earth did I receive this charming letter the other day?

An Open Letter In Defense Of Justin Bieber

By now you’ve all probably heard about the petition to have Justin Bieber deported.


Over 100,000 American citizens signed it, asking the Obama administration to kick the Beebs’ butt back to Canada for his “…dangerous, reckless, destructive and drug abusing (behavior).  He is not only threatening the safety of our people, but he is also a terrible influence on our nation’s youth.”

There are many reasons to hate Bieber – two undeserved Grammy nominations and wearing a backwards baseball cap to court come to mind – but reckless, destructive behavior?  Last time I checked, those were prerequisites for even applying for the position of pop star.  Who is kidding who?  This poor kid would pass out from the air inside a Motley Crue tour bus, for chrissake.

An Open Letter to the Racist/Sexist University of Illinois Students who Won’t be Having a Snow Day


Dear Racist/Sexist University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Students:

So apparently this polar vortex thingie is going to be hitting you hard today dropping temperatures to below zero. I live in Los Angeles where the sun is currently out and I’m pondering whether or not I should trim my toenails before I got out in my sandals so I get that I’m coming from a position of temperature privilege, but I’d still like to give you a bit of free advice.

I don’t know how this whole “snow day” thingie works because, again, I live in L.A., but I get you’re upset that your Chancellor Phyllis Wise has decided to not a call a snow day and classes will continue as usual today.

Outdoors while Asian… The campground battleground

Oh god, I must be a hippie.

Oh god, I must be a hippie.

Why oh why do we need a reservation for a CAMPGROUND?!?

Is this how the world works? Does anyone still just jump in their car and see ‘where the world takes you’?

Remember the days when you could just pull up into a car campground and with a humble offer of weed and/or alcohol or food, you could guarantee a shared campsite with a bunch of homeless annual rock climbers?!?! (Okay, you’re right, that method still works.)

An Open Letter to the Residents of Irwindale Regarding the ‘Sweet’ Smell of Sriracha


Dear Irwindale residents:

So last week, a judge ordered the partial shutdown of Sriracha manufacturer Huy Fong Foods’ plant located within your city borders. For those who may not know, your community is a quaint suburb located east of Los Angeles in the San Gabriel Valley.

The order came down as a result of some of you complaining about the odors the plant is allegedly emitting. You have claimed that it is a “spicy, painful” smell that has led to respiratory problems, nosebleeds and other problems. This despite the fact that inspectors with the South Coast Air Quality Management District have investigated and found the plant does not meet the threshold to be considered a public nuisance or that the plant’s previous location in the neighboring (and more densely populated) city of Rosemead never presented similar complaints according to Rosemead City Councilman Steven Ly.

Now, I grew up in the San Gabriel Valley so I’m very familiar with your fair city. For example, on many occasions as a youth, I would bike to your Santa Fe Recreational Dam to enjoy the sort of innocent fun that a young lad would experience at a dam built for recreation. So when I offer the following bit of advice, understand that it’s coming from someone who knows and understands your city.

Love to my YOMYOMF Family

Paul Walker and his Fast and Furious family.

Paul Walker and his Fast and Furious family.

“Heaven must be full of angels. So many have departed this year.”

Someone wrote that on his Facebook wall about a month ago.

Death is a strange bedfellow, we americans are more insulated from it than say, an Afgan or a Chad or Niger citizen, but there the grim reaper sits… ready.

I didn’t know Paul Walker the actor myself, but a lot of the YOMYOMF crew did. They’ve either acted with him or have directed him or have had a late night dinner with him. And although Justin and I haven’t talked much in the last few years (he’s always off filming that Fast and Furious thing), I know his feelings run deep for those people in whom he places his trust.

An Open Letter to Love-Sick Depressed Dudes Considering Chopping Off Their Penis



Dear Love-Sick Depressed Dude Considering Chopping Off Your Penis:

I just read about 26-year-old Yang Hu from Jiaxing, China, who was so depressed by his lack of a love life that he chopped off his own penis. Realizing his mistake, he rode his bicycle to the hospital to get his penis reattached only to find that he had forgotten to bring along his penis and therefore had to ride back home, retrieve the penis and return to the hospital. By that point, it was too late and doctors were unable to reattach the penis.

I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that this story is tragic on a number of levels, but in case you’re too depressed about your love life to think clearly, all you need to do is remember this—if you think your love life sucks now, I guarantee it will be much worse if you don’t have a penis.