Recently, I was alerted of an incident that was creating an uproar amongst the ladies at my alma mater, Wellesley College. Still an all-women’s college, Wellesley does have some visiting male students present via the 12 college exchange program which allows students from other campuses to enroll at the college and attend classes.  Apparently, one of the visiting students – Jeremy Pham, from Dartmouth had reacted to an anonymous post on Wellesley’s public board  (Wellesley FML – F*&k My Life) which created a sh*&t storm on campus.  The post was,  ”I’m the only guy on a campus of 2300 girls but I’m still not getting any. FML”.  

Assuming that the comment was a joke at his expense, Pham then responded with a provocative and lengthy post attacking the women on campus and and calling them ” a bunch of whores”.  Wellesley women are quick to respond to the utterance of the sacred “W”, “B”, and “C” words.  (Disclaimer – I’m not referring to the affectionate and flippant use of said words common amongst tough girls and drag queens, but the pejorative, gloves-off version.)  So inevitably, a series of dueling board, blog and facebook posts flared up between Pham and the women on campus thereby compelling everyone in the cyberspace peanut gallery (myself included) to toss in their 2 cents and their fistful of nuts as they watch the spectacle.

Here’s a blog from a Wellesley student that conscientiously chronicles the electronic crossfire in her piece JPhamgate 2009.  There’s also another post on feminist pop culture blog, Jezebel.com that gives you the gruesome play by play and includes a series of provocative comments posted largely by women and a few bold men, who dare slip in an opinion or two while metaphorically bracing themselves and the family jewels for scrutiny (at best) and the electronic equivalent of a molotov cocktail (at worst).  

I’m intrigued with ‘Phamgate’ not only because Pham’s posts are so naked and pathological that I can’t help but rubberneck, but also because his rant exposes an aspect of the male psyche that clearly is vulnerable to the scrutiny of women.  You’d think in this post metrosexual, post Iron John talking stick era that men like Pham could find more constructive ways of expressing insecurities and repressed anger.  But beyond the Pham of it all, it’s clear that the battle of the sexes particularly in the realm of courtship remains alive and well.  I wonder if  women really hold the upper hand when it comes to defining the unspoken rules of engagement re: sex and romance?  Are books like ‘The Game’ and self-help seminars that try to pump men up into ‘Playahs’ just misguiding men on ways to over-compensate  when at the end of the day, they just need to come to terms with the fact that they (like women) need to just find some kind of healthy self-acceptance?  Or are these guides just telling it like it is, and men and women inevitably have to go through this phase  (which for some can last well into middle-age) where men are reduced to “playahs or dogs” and women are “sluts or bitches”?  A discussion to be continued but hopefully, above the belt and with the gloves on…