You know who holds my hand in bad times?
That’s right dreamers. Every time a man literally fucks me over, I’m at Planned Parenthood. Get checked for STIs. Get a pap smear. Get someone who doesn’t call you a dirty whore. Thank you Planned Parenthood.
Anyway as usual, due to some unforeseen penis slapping with my on-again/off-again Sexual Hot Mess (who apparently is penis slapping someone else.. or maybe more… I dunno, I gave up asking because it was like asking a child if they stole a cookie from the cookie jar), I’m back at PP to get checked up for all the STI’s under the sun. Probably will get fitted for a diaphragm while I’m at it. Get a gank of condoms. Get some Plan-B pills while they still offer them for free. Give me any birth control, as long as it doesn’t have hormones in them.
You ever been on long-term birth control? Some women have no symptoms, but me? I become IRRATIONAL with a healthy dose of DEPRESSION. Take PMS and multiply it by 10. And worse, my libido is just dead. I’m so depressed, the acting of sex becomes more reason to kill myself. The one time I was on the pill long-term, my boyfriend at the time ‘took’ me while I was cooking greens in the kitchen. This used to turn me on. But while on the pill, all I could listlessly say was, “The greens are burning,” while I submitted to sex with all of the joy of a cat going to the vet.
So no pill for me.
And what’s surprising, is the number of MEN who are surprised that I’m not on it. ”You’re NOT on the pill?” they gasp with fear as they hold their equally surprised erections in their hand. I usually smile as I toss that loathsome condom in their direction. Gosh, I know they don’t want to put the burden of birth control on lil ol’ me.
I wanna help my male friends out. I wanna empower them with the joy of knowing they won’t have spawn if they don’t want it.
So my question is: When is that birth control pill for MEN going to go on the market?????
I dream of the day when a man is simply irrational next to me and sighs and says, “I’m sorry, it must be the pill.” Maybe they’ll make a pill that’ll make men’s cum taste like cotton candy. Or apples. Or scented lavender. (There are so MANY ways to market those pills you know!)
I’m just inviting our top dogs in health to put more effort into the male birth control pill rather than more money into penis-lengthening surgeries or Viagra.
But until that time, I’m at Planned Parenthood, stealing all their supplies.
BTW: People who oppose Planned Parenthood, leave PP alone. They’re a valuable resource for women with little to no insurance. Just because I go there doesn’t mean I’m going to get an abortion, so stop throwing fake blood on me every time I go to an appointment.
…sorry about the bad behavior & experiences. :-/
Bev, I am with u 100% on using PP and cannot wait for a male BCP to get on the market. The fact that I have not had sex in more than 2 yrs is besides the point.
Yes, sadly, it’s been over 2 yrs.
So the very lucky guy who lands me is gonna be ravaged sexually for hours, if not days!
Jennifer, I can promise you the 5 most disappointing minutes of your life. :p
Poor Beverly.
You don’t have to take the pills if you don’t want to.Are they so neccessaty for guys? Why is it not enough just to use condoms?
I have never taken the pills although I was told to. I’m afraid of them. In my opinion,it’s better to have a condom outside of your body than a pill inside of it…
This idea makes total sense actually. Since men are the ones who want it more, we should bear the burden.
As for why, it’s the same reason insurance covers erectile dysfunction but not birth control. Most of the scientists developing these pills, lawmakers making rulings on sex and abortion, and people who make the decisions, are men. And as we all know, at least half of us don’t even know/care where the clitoris is.
Sex is uni-directional for us. We’ll shove all sorts of chemicals and contraptions up your cooch, but GOD FORBID a little piece of latex get in the way of what is my pleasure time/passive-aggressive domination of you (some guys make the no-condom request just to “see if she’ll do it” for him).
If female scientists/politicians/insurance execs suddenly start offering male birth control that will fuck with our moods, have to be worn for a month, or whatnot you can bet we’ll be clamoring for condoms pretty damn quick (though they never would because of sales, but that’s a different story). Men are complete pussies about their dicks.
condoms are great for all men b/c theoretically, it makes one’s penis bigger
use it so you can abuse it
there is male birth control, it’s called WNBA
ROTFL HAHAHA