BIG ASS FAN

What is the price of cool?  Well, it’s sweating your nuts off during the summer and freezing your ass off during the winter.

In 2003, I decided to buy a place with really high ceilings.  Not 9 foot.  Not 10 foot.  Not 12 foot.  No.  I purchased a place with 18 foot ceilings.  I can mount a regulation height basketball hoop in my living room and an electronic scoreboard just above it for authentic effect if I so desired.  In fact, I may even have room at the way top to place a few championship jerseys and pennants.  But I won’t.  Why?  Cause I don’t know shit about basketball and it would be rather silly to cover my posters and murals of Justin Bieber and the cast of Twilight.

High ceilings and the loft feel are all the rage right now in real estate.  Everyone wants fewer walls and divisions and a great room that unites a kitchen, family room, dining room, and living room into one.  It’s the kinda stuff you see in Dwell MagazineHGTV, and industrial, German pornos.  It’s the kind of visual surprise that takes your breath away when you walk through the front doors of open houses and orgasmically say, “oh honey, i just love this space.  it’s so open, airy, and the ceilings are so high.  i want it!”  I wanted it.  And I got it.  But buyer beware, panache has it’s price.  (BTW, my place is tiny by total square footage.  So the high ceilings were important to make my hamster den feel more spacious.)

my place. j/k. my pad is nowhere near this pimp.

High ceilings, though sexy cool, create a serious challenge when it comes to human temperature comfort.  Basically, the space gets hotter than hell in the summer and colder than the arctic during the winter (much more so than normal ceiling height rooms).  The sheer voluminousness taxes even the most powerful of air conditioners and heaters.  So the price of lofty-rad is one hell of a heating and cooling bill.  How much?  Try a couple of hundred bucks a month if you wanna not sweat and shiver at all and not have your Trader Joe’s wine collection skunk into vinegar in one calendar year.  I could go into the physics of it, but I don’t want you to accuse me of being too analytically Asian nor would I want to bore you with my lust and passion for Popular Mechanics Magazine FAQ’s.  So you’ll have to trust me on this one.  If you ever buy or rent a place with really high ceilings, just know that hip style comes at a price.  This whole analysis, of course, is completely irrelevant if you are rich, married to someone rich, have access to ancestral monies, or are a 1,000 year old vampire and had centuries to accumulate wealth.  But if you’re a common person such as myself, a couple of hundred bucks a month to make sure you don’t die of heat exposure or hypothermia in your own home is kinda lame and somewhat etardedray (not to mention a burden on the drinking and seduction budget).

So now I am on a hunt.  A fan hunt.  After all of my research I have discovered the key to solving my “high ceiling = shit temperature” dilemma:  a ceiling fan.  Being born Asian and possessing the natural proclivity of research and analysis, I have discovered that a regular ceiling fan won’t do crap in a residential property with super high ceilings.  The standard ceiling fan functions wonderfully when you live in a pad with 9 foot or 10 foot ceilings.  But when you live the “vida-lofty-loca”, not just any fan will do.  Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the answer to my hours upon hours of research.  I give you, THE BIG ASS FAN.

Yes, that’s the name of it literally.  It’s basically an industrial fan converted for residential use and sprinkled with a bit of modern design dust.  This fan is big.  BIG ASS BIG.  How big?  These ceiling fans range from 8 feet to 24 feet across.  Yes, you read that right.  The smallest fan is wider than Yao Ming is tall.  And the biggest fan?  Hell, most of us don’t even live in a place with a room 24 feet wide so this marvel of engineering wouldn’t even fit into our dwellings.  But worry not that you’ll be mounting some giant, aluminum guillotine on your ceiling that will hack apart your family of pet toucans and macaws.  These fans move very slowly.  But because their blades are so long and wide, they are able to move massive amounts of air quietly and smoothly at a low RPM.  Word is that your heating and cooling bill will go down 25-30% just by installing this thing.  AND, during the hottest months, letting these fans spin solo without the advent of a/c can drop the average room temperature from 5 to 30 degrees.  Heck, you may never have to turn on your HVAC system again if you have one of these amazonian fans bolted onto your ceiling.  But there’s one problem…

THE BIG ASS FAN ain’t cheap.  I figured I’d splurge and buy one of these Big Ass Fans for my man pad.  I figure I’d spend $400 ($500 tops).  I’d even consider doing the installation myself to save on a few bucks.  For me, several hundred dollars for a ceiling fan feels expensive.  But since it’s so big and so very cool in design, I figure it could not only save me money via energy efficiency, but could also serve as an art piece and conversation topic for when guests come over.  Heck, perhaps my friends would be enticed to come over because they heard I have a Big Ass Fan (which could also be me).

So how much does this technological, green marvel that will save me from suffering at the temperature extremities cost?  Well, the company is very tight-lipped about the pricing.  I left them a message 30 minutes ago but they have yet to call me back.  Hopefully when they do, it’ll be some sexy-voiced, mid-western girl who’ll flirt with me thinking I am some rich, horny sophisticate from the big city.  We’ll see.  Fingers crossed.  But back to cost…from my dedicated Googling and Binging I see a range of about $2,000 – $4,000.  FML.  Yes, that acronym does mean “Fuck My Life”.  And I think the bigger ones are even more expensive.  That is some serious coin for a fan.  Yes, it’s cool and rad and big ass big, but several thousand dollars?  C’mon Dog!  This ain’t no fan for the common man.  This is a luxury item.  This classifies as the Bentley of fans.  I have never spent that kind of money on anything.  Well, except for my car, my house, and my mistress who lives in the Guangdong province.  I’m just not used to dropping that kind of coin.  I wear a $30 watch and the same pair of jeans daily until they fall apart.  I am a bargain shopper and quite thrifty with my money (a natural skill when born Asian).  I drive a Honda Accord and I dine regularly at Subway (if there is indoor seating.  if not, i eat on the curb).  To say the least, I have a dilemma.  It’s like finding out the hour before you propose to the girl of your dreams that she has $1,000,000 in student loans and credit card debt yet she wants to teach hydroponics at the local community college.  Again, panache has it’s price.

So will I buy this BIG ASS FAN?  We’ll see.  I will wait till customer service calls me back and keys me in on the details.  Maybe there’s some sort of sale or last year inventory blow out going on right now.  Or perhaps that mid-western, customer service agent has a horny penchant for the asian man and I can trade a few hours of my body for this work of ceiling art.  Who knows.  But I love this BIG ASS FAN.  I want one.  I want one really, really bad.  Perhaps I may be forced to steal one.  But then again, it is BIG ASS.  And stealing a BIG ASS FAN may end up being a BIG PAIN IN THE ASS.  We’ll see…

here’s a video if you want to see a BIG ASS FAN in action.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69DXg05LaEo[/youtube]

23 thoughts on “BIG ASS FAN

  1. Something to consider. If you buy that big ass fan, its probably staying at that house cuz its unlikely you’ll have another place big enough or practical enough to use that fan?

    Otherwise, good luck!

  2. When I first saw that your blog was titled BIG ASS FAN, well, have to admit I was expecting something else entirely. Stay cool, my friend.

  3. It’s actually called the Big Ass Fan! This is hilarious! I’ll start a piggy bank to start saving up for this one. I got an industrial size restaurant fan on my window — I turned it on and it was so loud and so frighteningly windy — it actually sucked up a bag that was on the floor. It did create a great breeze (lots of buzzy noise and slight tinnitus in one ear but great breeze). It was probably the dumbest thing I ever thought I was smart enough to buy!

  4. damn, I thought this was going to be about you being a FAN of BIG ASSES. I’m so disappointed. I don’t want to read about Fans. seriously? I’m shocked that anyone could write so much about oversized fans.

    and let’s be real The reason why you bought a place with high ceilings, is to eventually add a second floor to double the value of your home like we eventually did…. or to at least accomodate the 20 family members who will eventually move in.

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  7. We have these in some of our manufacturing facilities. They really do work well!

    I’ve sworn by these since I first saw them about 5 years ago. The guys in the shop are VERY greatful. Southern temp. + Southern Humidity = HOT working conditions!

  8. Did you ever buy a Big Ass Fan? I just got a house with 20 Foot Ceilings in the living room so I’m curious how well it works and if it was worth the $2000-$4000.

  9. the fan will have to stay in the house, once its mounted on the wall or celing it stays with the house during a sale

  10. Hey bill, you’re really stupid. Anyone spending 2,000 dollars on a fan is most likely going to take it with them when they move.

  11. I was seriously considering purchasing one of their huge floor fans, until I was quoted at $6.500. for an “Airco” !

    I ended up purchasing another brand. It was one-half the diameter size of the BigAss, but about one-twelfth the cost!

    Also, I don’t like the reluctance of BigAss to openly post their prices on its website.
    Mike G.

  12. The price is higher than you think and on my purchase of 2 Big A Fans the cost to have electricians install and hang them was another 40% of the purchase price. It will take years to see whether the price is worth it and whether I will get over being a little sorry I made the purchase.

  13. As an electrician having wired and hung several of these Big Ass Fans they stay with the house when you sell. They are excellent for energy savings, but do not try to hire me to remove one. Bad enough to hang them.
    Are they worth the cost opinions vary, I personally have not seen any electric bills before or after hanging one.

  14. I purchased a Big Ass Fan for my new house. We have a big den, with a cathedral ceiling. The fan looks and works great. It is definitely a conversation piece. That alone is worth all of the heartburn that it caused me. It does everything that you said it would, maybe more. Would you like some plictures of it?

  15. Sandy!
    Post pics please! Or, perhaps in this case, links to pics!
    So cool that you have a Big Ass Fan

  16. Roger, I loved your post.
    We moved into our new home 2 years ago and the living area ceiling is a bit like a hollowed out pyramid.
    Not too bad in summer as there is a window up there that can be wound open and lets the hot air out.
    In winter? Brrrr. That’s relative of course as I live near Sydney (Australia) and it’s temperate here.
    I go through a lot of wood in the fire to warm up the top of that pyramid.
    I discovered the Big Ass Fan shortly into our first shivery winter. Contacted the local distributor and was quoted $6000 (the smallest 8 foot version) and they could install it for me, would I like a quote for that?
    I thought that they would be significantly more expensive than a standard fan, but I could buy and install over 30 normal fans for the same money. Might be a little bit noisier though.
    No Sale.

  17. Well…..took the splurge, have a under constructuion modern home, fits as far as style. Its try, it’s very pricey. But the room it’s going in is 22 feet at its highest(slanted 18′ to 22′) ..with wall floor to ceiling windows. And a loft adjacent. This week it was 107 at the location of the home in north Texas. I’m thinking it will not be a regret….but time will tell. Big Ass fan been installed by this builder before. I expect enjoyment environmentally and it will be a focal point.

  18. Big Ass Fans just launched a residential fan that is a bit more affordable. Still expensive, but is slightly less than $1k and you can build the fan and see the price. Here is their website for it. http://www.haikufan.com/ .

  19. Big Ass Fans are the best thing since German Bier and German Diesel Cars. These Fans werk wonders with high Ceilings….see them a lot in large Warehouses.

  20. As a rule, ceiling fans, light fixtures and anything else attached to a ceiling or wall (cabinets, vanities, thermostats) are supposed to be sold with the residence **unless** specifically exempted in the real estate sales contract — for example, you have a hugely expensive Czech-crystal chandelier that you bought and aren’t leaving behind because it’s a one-of-a-kind antique — and for that to happen, both the seller and the buyer have to agree.

    On the other hand, having a ceiling fan with high energy efficiency will not only make you more comfortable while you’re libing there, but it’ll also cut your heating and cooling costs significantly while eating a minuscule amount of energy itself — plus, it’ll be a big selling point when/if you do sell. So if you’re planning on living there for 5 years or more, a high-energy-efficiency fan like the Big Ass ones still pay for themselves while you’re living there in the form of lower overall energy costs. How much those savings will be for you depend on what part of the country you’re in, wht your local utility rates are, and how much your home leaks (or doesn’t leak) heat or cold.

    All that said, there are a few positive things you need to know about Big Ass Fans. 1) They now have a residential version of the Haiku model (60″ diameter , 3 blades, made of aircraft-grade aluminum and either bamboo or composite, 2 colors each for 4 finishes total); it costs about $990 plus shipping, but that’s with an LED light fixture included — without the light, it’s less, about $895 plus tax & shipping. There is also an 84-inch version of the Haiku fan, with a choice of drop lengths; this costs more, of course, but still may not be as expensive as the Element style you considered at first.
    2) They’re probably THE most energy efficient fans on the market today — the fan has a cool-running motor design (as in, it doesn’t overheat) and uses between 2 and 30 watts to operate. Ove the course of a year, on overage, that’s about 50 kwh for an annual cost of about $5 to run. YES, five dollars, not $50 or $100. By keeping your room air well circulated and the temperature stable all year long while it’s running, it could help you cut your other heating/cooling costs in half or better, especially if you use the fan(s) with an efficient thermostat like the Nest programmable learning thermostat, which costs about $250 but saves you that much within a year or two, depending on your current heating/cooling use and rates (see this: http://www.jetsongreen.com/2011/10/nest-self-program-thermostat-upgrade.html ).
    3) With those tall ceilings, you’re crazy *not* to use ceiling fans becaue you’re wasting your heating and cooling dolalrs without them and feeling less comfortable in the process — so if you’re going to need them anyway, you might as well buy the most energy efficient ones on the market, i.e., Big Ass.

    Bottom line: what are you waiting for?? Figure out who sells the Big Ass Haiku fans in your area, and go look at one in action. Then buy it, and let us know how it’s working out for you.

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