Best Victory Celebrations: Touchdowns vs. Soccer Goals

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December 27, 2011
Author: Alfredo

My fifteen year old son Rafael’s DVR season passes include No Huddle, Sound FX, NFL Total Access, NFL Fantasy Live,The League, The Rich Eisen Podcast, and The Coach Show.

My DVR season passes include the Spanish Primera Division Soccer, Oh My Gol!, Bundesliga Soccer, and the UEFA Europa League Soccer.

I was born in Spain.

My son was born in the U.S. of A.

But whether you like or despise universal health care, like or despise a big military, like or despise stinky cheeses, I think we can all agree that NFL player Joe Horn’s “cell phone” celebration is the best victory celebration on either continent.

The creativity! The pre-planning! The casual nod during the fake conversation! Nice work, Joe. A great SOLO effort.

Now here come the Europeans with a brilliant COMMUNAL effort that would make Pilobolus jealous.

they're American, I shit you not...I know, kinda ruins my whole point....

And we all know “communal” is just four short letters away from “communisty.” And, of course, what are they pantomining? A green, energy efficient, environmentally friendly mode of transport, not a Hummer, not even a motorcycle or jet ski. And isn’t pantomiming itself sorta Euro to begin with?

Now there’s no way Rafael would let me get away without a tip of the hat to T.O.. There’s so much here, and I know how I tune out the forwarded youtube clips I receive, so I will direct your attention to specific seconds…. 0:59 (the popcorn); 1:23 (the pom poms); 1:36 (the dunk); and, of course, 2:03 (the sharpie).

As to the European celebrations: backflips everywhere…0:52 (the lying down sexy pose); 1:03 (being knighted); and something I just don’t get, the thumbsucking (2:24). An infantilism fetish? But I own bars, so, uh, no judgment.

Now let us appreciate the metrosexual dancing of Real Madrid team mates Cristiano Ronaldo and Marcelo. Over here they’d probably be accused of serious gayness by most people, but remember, Ronaldo’s Portugese and Marcelo’s Brazillian: in their home countries, guy friends kiss each other on the cheek – once if they’re angry, twice if they’ not – and best friends? Well, they practically French kiss. Again – see? The French. It’s just a Euro thing.