If you’re a regular reader of my blogs, you know how freakish awesome I think the Japanese are (see examples here and here). Well, let the awesomeness continue. Saw some interesting Japanese toys over at the Huffington Post and thought I’d share some of them with our readers plus other equally interesting toys I dug up elsewhere. Enjoy!

KABA-KICK

‘Cause it’s never too early to teach your kids how to play Russian roulette.

GOD JESUS ROBOT

Since God and Jesus sometimes take a long time to answer your prayers (if and when they even do so at all), the God Jesus Robot is there to do the job when you need a response now. You: “Dear God Jesus Robot, does Jenny like me?” God Jesus Robot: “The scriptures say, NO!”

POKING BOX

Stick your finger in the box and poke your virtual pet. Soon you can graduate to sticking your finger or similar body part into strange and unknown holes to poke whatever awaits you on the other side. A skill every child should possess.

PEE AND POO DOLLS

The perfect gift to give children who, like my fellow Offender Sung, have a curiosity for all things that get excreted from our bodies. “Milk, milk, lemonade, around the corner fudge is made.”

MUGEN PERI PERI

What could be more fun than a toy that mimics the sound and feeling of opening a package…with nothing inside? How about–every other activity known to humankind!

ROADKILL CAT

Oh why, oh why, did no one think to invent this when I was a kid? No wonder I’m so well-adjusted now.

5 SECOND STOPWATCH

A toy designed to teach kids all the things they can do in 5 seconds such as wasting 5 seconds of your life playing with this toy.

LOKULOKU PIG

For anyone who’s fantasized about smashing a pig until it turns to jelly. Man, the Japanese really have every fetish covered, don’t they?

BANDI MICRO TOYS

Because there’s nothing more fun than drinking water from a bottle that contains something that looks like the ebola virus swimming around inside.

TOY REGISTER

Hey, your children have to learn how much steaks and beer cost at some point in their lives, don’t they?

BABY IN A MICROWAVE

Do I even need to explain this one?

BROWN HELLO KITTY WITH HEART NIPPLES

Hey children, brown people are different from us.

POOP ON A STICK

Hmm…I wonder if my fellow Offender Sung is really Japanese?

OK, to be fair, the Japanese aren’t the only ones making weird and freakish toys. Here are some non-Japanese ones too:

PREGNANT BARBIE

But I thought Ken didn’t have a penis? Oh…Barbie’s a slut! I get it!

I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO CALL THIS ONE

All I can say is…wow!

TWIN TOWERS

Hey kids, who wants to play “here’s what happened on the morning of 9/11/01?”

DENTURES IN A JAR

This is what happens if you don’t floss.

SPACE SHUTTLE COLUMBIA

Hey kids, what do you want to play after “here’s what happened on the morning of 9/11/01?”

SANTA AND FROSTY

Ho, ho, ho indeed!

MY CLEANING TROLLEY

Don’t play with that son, you know cleaning is a girl’s job.

POLE DANCE

‘Cause it’s never too early to start teaching your daughter a viable job skill for the future.

SUPERMAN SNUGGLERS

I guess your kid will learn what it means to be faster than a speeding bullet every night he snuggles with this.