This morning I struggled up a long and lonely hill, just as I was getting my second wind I came upon a couple DWP workers fixing something. As I huffed and puffed passed them they started to laugh and mumble some sarcastic gibberish to each other. Took me a minute to realize they were making fun of me. Didn’t feel good, wanted to go back and crack a bottle over their heads. But would’ve probably gotten my ass beat, that stuff only plays out in the movies. I don’t like that feeling, being made fun of. Never liked it, it’s never been easy to deal with. Probably never will. It got me to thinking about ’criticism’. Now, there is a difference between being made fun of and being criticized. One must listen and learn from positive criticism. Only a fool thinks he’s right all the time. But then you have criticism that comes from a bad and self serving place. More to tear down, to make one feel better than another, because of whatever bullshit reasons. Take for example when someone just unloads on a movie. They hate it, hate her, hate him, hate hate hate. I say, “then you make a movie”. They say…”uh” This kind of crap needs to be ignored and flushed away in the toilet accompanied with a heavy load of kimchee jige diarrhea. Read more...
Ran my first race Sunday.
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Been enjoying running alone lately, maybe it’s a part of getting older, or maybe I’m turning into a hermit. Funny thing, before I discovered running I couldn’t stand to be by myself, I always had to have someone around me. Running has changed me, mostly it’s calmed me down. It’s made me less anxious, less angry, less bitter. Solitude seems, well, just easier. It’s quieter. The sounds of my footsteps and natures musical score beats any ipod running mix or people chit chat. Running alone comes with less baggage. No one to judge or be judged by. No one to follow or be followed by. The only one that’s going to beat me is me. I’m accountable to myself from start to finish. Conversations with myself are quick and efficient. No concerns about feelings being hurt or taking things the wrong way. Even the most difficult questions answer themselves after two hours of running. If not, then the question isn’t really worth asking. Read more...
During my run the other day, I passed a couple of kids being all lovey dovey at a bus stop. Kinda young , kinda inappropriate too, especially at 7:00am in the morning. But hey, love is a powerful thing. Made me think about my first love, well…maybe not ‘love’, but the first girl that actually acknowledged my existence. I was in 6th grade, Joy Pierson was a freckle faced red head that actually talked to me on occasion. The only time a girl talked to me was to ask for help with math homework. Once they realized I didn’t fit the stereotype I went back to leprosy status. Going ’steady’ was all the rage at the time. For some reason I thought it was going ’study’ together. Made sense, kids should ’study’ together. I so wanted to ’study’, with a girl. Anyway, it took all the courage I had, which was very little when it came to girls. I just got over the stage of girls being ‘gross’, my hormones were kicking in and I could barely keep my hands out of my pants. My best friend James, finally asked Joy for me. She was something else, she walked straight up to me and said, ”let’s share french fries tomorrow”. ”Huh?!” Share french fries together? Wow! I made it! I’m sharing french fries with a real life, living, breathing girl. YES JESUS! HALLELUJAH! Read more...
11:30am
Went to career day at a elementary school. Most of the kids kept asking me if I was Jackie Chan. I started to sweat and felt like running away. But there’s something about hanging around kids. The younger they are the purer they are. My friend who convinced me to come said it would make me feel better. He guaranteed it. I had nightmares about what I would speak about, especially if they had no idea who I was. Well it turned out most thought I was in Kungfu Panda. But you got to love them. They still wanted to hang out with me to give me high fives and big hugs. My friend was right, I felt great. Now that’s a gift from heaven man. Hugs from a bunch of kids, just because, it doesn’t get any better than that. Read more...
There is an ongoing joke that Korean men have large heads. I mean literally, large noggins. One has to laugh at such ridiculous stereo types. I for one felt my head was average, until today. My local running store has a sale going on so I jogged over to see what discounted goodies I could find. I had my eye one a running hat that absorbs sweat and prevents sweat from dripping down to the rest of your body. You see all the runners wear them. They are tight and light. I tried on every hat in the adult section. All the XL sizes looked like I was wearing a three year olds hat. Then it dawned on me. I have a big head. Well that’s what the smart ass sales kid said to me. ”maybe you just have a big head bro, try the ultra sun blocker.” …Ultra Sun blocker? Huh? Great, one more thing I have to be insecure about. The Ultra Sun Blocker is a modified hat with an enormous brim to block extreme sunlight. For the average normal head the Ultra looks a bit ridiculous. The brim covers the whole face. On me it fit just right. Or looks right, like a hat should fit. Balanced symmetrical coverage from back to brim, it shouldn’t look like I snagged it from some kid at the play ground. Maybe this is why I don’t see a lot of Korean dudes wearing hats. Funny the things running has opened my eyes to. Read more...
Smoked 5 cigarettes today. What a shitty day. I went to an audition, then ran two hours. I stopped keeping track of distance and go til I feel sick. I figure I’m better not knowing, keeps me from thinking about the end. While running I was thinking how running is sometimes all I have to look forward to. Kinda lame, and kinda not true once I really think about it. But that’s the beauty of thoughts. Mostly come and go stuff that have no validity. Anyway still, today was a tough one. Walked around pissed at the world, even running didn’t give me a head change. Some high school kids yelled out for me to put my shirt on as I passed them. To their surprise I stopped and told them to F*^$ themselves. Then I just stared at them. I really wanted to punch that kids face. Then it dawned on me that I was once that obnoxious kid and I bet he was just trying to impress his friend and had no idea the sweaty Chinese guy running shirtless was pissed at the world. Not a battle worth fighting. Move on. Feel bad, the kid looked like he pissed his shorts. Still, that punk should keep his trap shut. Read more...
My friend has a injured ankle. He has no idea why. He runs with me and has been training pretty hard for the LA marathon. Other than the usual mileage, nothing unusual happened to cause an injury of that magnitude. There are three options for my colleague. One, proactively find the root of the problem, if it be shoes, different running form, amount of mileage, changing terrain or physical therapy. Two, Keep running with the pain and hope it goes away. Three, quit running. Option one is a lot of effort, two a lot of pain and three… well, three is pretty easy to do. Read more...
Sometimes I feel totally numb and exhausted after an audition. It’s like running a hundred yard dash with all you got and then it’s over. Just like that. No one to cheer for you or give you hugs. I sometimes have to drive around for an hour to feel normal again. A million thoughts race through my mind. Did I do a good job? Do I even know what a good job is? What am I doing? Damn, I should’ve done it this way..no that way. I hope I don’t let the people that believe in me down. Maybe I’m too ugly,maybe I have no talent. I let the negative thoughts filter out and then go for a run. After an hour or two of running most of the stuff goes away and seems a bit neurotic. I have to say this is my least favorite part of being an actor. Makes you think if it’s worth it. Read more...
Have you ever stayed at a hotel that has outstanding complimentary body lotion? I mean really “outstanding”….equal to that of high end shopping mall labels… Traveling over the years has trained me in the “Art of Packing Light”…..so as a result I learned to distinguish the differences between the free little bottles of moisturizer joy…..I have to say by far, the Hyatt chain ranks highest in my experience. However, the Wynn Hotel in Vegas is equal or even a slight bit better than let’s say a Grand Hyatt…but The Park Hyatt wins the Gold Medal in overall free toiletries…What is your favorite?
Sorry for the late entry offenders. Had to think this one through:
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http://www.vimeo.com/8445519
A wise man I know told me something about clutter. ”If you don’t use something more than once a year,it serves no purpose in your life but to clutter it” Agreed!
Dec.26th 2009/11:33pm: Going through the clutter of my office room I discovered years of this and that’s. Most not worth mentioning, but some precious memories rediscovered. Yes, most haven’t been used for more than a year but they do hold a dear place in my life. *For example I found my first watch, doesn’t work, and I won’t ever fix it, but where that watch I have traveled has some value. Discard or Keep? I discard. *Condoms from the San Diego Int. Film festival. Not used in over a year. lol. I Discard! Says a lot about my sex life. LOL! *A CD player. I never used it because I always thought I’d break it. Now it’s old and really big. Should’ve used it when it was socially exceptable to carry that thing around. I Discard! *A pink-Tshirt that says I’m a member of the Hollywood Gay Mafia. HA! I like pink shirts but I’ll let this one go. *A gag reel dvd from the tokyo drift days… Read more...
I love Christmas, it’s definitely my favorite Holiday, the only Holiday that I look forward to. Not too into all the other ones, well maybe Halloween, but something about the 25th though. All that is important becomes clear on this day. Pretty simple, looking around I see family, friends, food, and smiles. It’s a great feeling when you sit at a table with people that really want to be with one another. No ego, no agenda, no one sizing up your monetary value, no BS. All the outside influences and pretenses that we pick up have no value at the Christmas table. It’s a sacred place, a wonderful place, a safe place. A burnt homemade cookie is a prized possession at this table . Not because what it costs but because where it comes from. With all the complaining that I do, the 25th makes me realize how lucky I am to be at this table. A smile says a million words at this table. It says, I love you, I wish the best for you, I accept you for who you are, I’m here for you no matter what. If Santa were to grant me one wish, I would ask that all my fellow Offenders are at their “Christmas Table” feeling loved and happy. Merry 25th all.
Did this ever happen to you? Sitting down with friends, talking about this and that. All of a sudden from behind a question snaps. ”Where is this or that?”…’Uh, I don’t know’… Stab! Stab! “What’s wrong with you!?…So absent minded bla bla bla.”…stab, stab, stab! The door shuts, manhood drops into a dark, dark abyss. Finding counsel in a friends married over 10 years has made me realize we all have stories of castration. I guess this might be the natural story of man and woman. But the stabs hurt. I’m like a deer frolicking in the woods maimed for it’s fur. AHHHH!!!!!!!!
