Yellow Fever:
Sexual obsession felt by a non-asian (Usually white, usually male) towards asians of the opposite gender. Symptoms of yellow fever include stalking, halfhearted attempts to learn Japanese/Mandarin/Cantonese/Korean and whacking off to Sailor Moon video’s.
And I should know. –From Urbandictionary
The other day, an ex-Asian American girlfriend who currently lives up in San Francisco posted some photos from a Lunar New Year’s celebration she attended. She was dressed in a cheongsam that fit tightly around her still curvaceous and lovely body. The dress also had that slit that runs down the side to show off her long and silky smooth legs. And damn, if I wasn’t turned on! I haven’t thought about this woman in a long time, but the only thing that kept me from jumping on a plane to the Bay Area at that very moment was the fact that she has a husband and a kid now.
But it got me thinking about why these photos got me all hot and bothered. Like I said, she’s not someone I really think much about these days, yet there was something…well, I think I might just have to conclude that it was the whole cheongsam thing that made her look so fine. Which begs the question: Do I have yellow fever? And maybe even more pressing than that: Is it even possible for an Asian guy to have yellow fever?Read more...
On this very date in 1981, the most awesomest TV show in the history of the world premiered on ABC: The Greatest American Hero!
I was so excited to watch the first two-hour pilot episode that I may have even peed in my pants (a.k.a. the kid equivalent of an orgasm). The premise was brilliant: average high school teacher receives a red suit with super powers from mysterious aliens, but he loses the instruction book leading to all sorts of misadventures as he tries to figure out how the suit works while helping an eccentric, dog biscuit-eating FBI agent solve cases. Here’s the show’s opening credits featuring the most brilliant TV theme song ever to exist in the known universe courtesy of Joey Scarbury:
Yesterday, I blogged about how Koreans are the Irish of the Orient. So as today is St. Patrick’s Day, I wanted to further show my solidarity with my Irish brothers and sisters. And what better way to do that than to profile a prominent Irish American to educate our readers. Not an Irish figure like author James Joyce or U2 front man Bono, but a genuine Irish American. But unfortunately I couldn’t think of any prominent Irish Americans except one: Lucky the Leprechaun a.k.a. the mascot of Lucky Charms cereal (sue me, I’m a product of the American public school system).
FYI, I’m counting Lucky as an Irish American because Lucky Charms is an American cereal and, therefore, he is an American creation. Read more...
Harv’s Metro Car Wash in Sacramento received a visit last week from two intimidating, dark-suited IRS agents demanding payment of delinquent back taxes. “They were deadly serious, very aggressive, very condescending,” Aaron Zeff, Harv’s owner, told the Sacramento Bee.
The amount that Zeff owed Uncle Sam…4 cents. Read more...
Tomorrow is St. Patrick’s Day when we celebrate the rich heritage of our Irish brothers and sisters by drinking ourselves shit-faced. Koreans are often referred to as the Irish of the Orient because of shared traits between the two countries such as our history of subjugation, volatile tempers and the ability to drink like fish. But is this really true? Do Koreans really drink more than any other group or is that just a baseless stereotype? Chinky or not chinky?
Let’s start with some anecdotal evidence. A short while ago, I asked you, our readers, via our Twitter and Facebook pages what you thought of the Koreans=heavy drinkers “stereotype.” Here’s a sampling of some of your responses: Read more...
A friend of mine in Korea sent me this link that’s making the rounds on the internet. I believe it’s from a Korean TV program where a woman dressed like a ghost tries to scare unsuspecting people. The last guy’s reaction is awesome…he definitely does what a Korean man should do in that situation. Happy Monday!
Once again, I’m back with more advice for my Asian and Asian American brothas who are looking to knock boots with some hot white chick. Sometimes great ecstasy must be preceded by equally great pain. In this case, you may need to pretend to like the things she does; and believe me when I say a lot of the things she likes will be diametrically opposed to your Asian male breeding and nature. But if you want to taste of that sweet white meat, you better get used to liking (or pretending to like) the following:
1. CHAMOMILE TEA
Is there another beverage in existence that’s duller than chamomile tea? (That was a rhetorical question, BTW) Chamomile tea is the liquid equivalent of a 5-hour lecture on “the quantum physics of mathematical theory in 15th century Germanic literature” delivered by some 50-year-old virginal egghead at an Ivy League institution. No wonder people drink this stuff when they want to fall asleep.
2. FILMS BASED ON THE NOVELS OF JANE AUSTEN
Don’t be fooled by the fact that these movies usually star hotties like Anne Hathaway or Keira Knightley. No one gets naked in them, in fact, all the chicks wear corsets and dresses that cover their bodies from their necks all the way down to their feet. These are usually 2+ hour films where the head-strong but socially repressed heroine sits around with other proper British folk in lavish castles, sips chamomile tea and is unable to share her true feelings about the dude she likes because if she did, God forbid, the movie would only be five minutes long. You’ll be praying that Knightley’s character’s great great great grandson will send a terminator from the future to kill everyone so the movie will end already, but alas, your prayers will go unanswered. Read more...
I previously posted some pics of funny street signs. Here are some more; this time from our Japanese friends. I’ll let them speak for themselves because, quite frankly, I have no idea what half of them mean. But that doesn’t stop them from being completely and totally awesome! Happy Friday!
I recently blogged about the films my Asian American brothas should never watch with a white woman they want to mack. Well, I’m all about the equal opportunity and I know there are some Asian American sistas reading this who also have a craving for the white meat. So if that’s you, here are five flicks you should never watch with your white dude if you want to keep him from bolting out your door.
RINGU (1998)
The one that started it all–this is the original Japanese horror film about a girl who seeks vengeance from beyond the grave via a cursed videotape. This is a chick who gets conked in the head and thrown down a deep well–after which the well is tightly sealed. Yet, she still manages to somehow climb out of your TV to fuck you up good. There are people who already think Asian chicks especially Koreans are crazy (not me of course), so do you really want your white man to worry that you’re going to track him down and fuck him up good if he does anything to slight or upset you? Do you want him to think this will happen to him (and yes, that is Hiroyuki Sanada from Lost): Read more...
Something odd is happening to 101-year-old Chinese grandmother Zhang Ruifang from Linlou village in China’s Henan province. In the past year, a mysterious protrusion, which has been compared to a goat horn, has been growing out of the left side of her forehead. The horn is about 6 centimeters (2.36 inches) long and a second, similar growth has also begun to appear on the other side of her forehead.
Medical experts are unsure of what the growth is, but it is said to resemble a cutaneous horn, which is made up of compacted keratin, the protein found in hair and nails. Such growths can appear in the elderly, especially those with a history of significant sun exposure, but a growth of this size is extremely rare.
Or maybe, just maybe…well, is it me or is everyone skirting the obvious explanation for what this woman might be turning into? Read more...
When I was in college I had read that before he became a famous director, the young Steven Spielberg used to sneak onto the Universal Studios lot. He’d wear a nice suit, walk past the guard at the front gate, wave, smile and he’d be in (in high school, I’d sneak onto studio lots by placing a big brown paper bag in the passenger seat of my car and telling the guard I was there to deliver Chinese food). Ah, the innocent pre-9/11 days. Anyways, the young Spielberg would walk around the lot watching movies/TV shows being filmed and even squatted in an unused office. I was inspired by his story and decided, upon my graduation from college, that I wanted to follow in his footsteps.
My friend Ross was an assistant for a successful TV director at the time and his boss had just been hired to direct a feature. They would be on location for about four months and their office in the main TV building on the Warner Bros. lot would sit empty that whole time. I saw my opportunity to pull a Spielberg. I asked Ross if I could “use” their office while they were shooting. To my surprise, he said yes. He gave me a key, even the password for the copy machines and said I had full reign while they were gone. Read more...
Do you have a fetish for women dressed in flight attendant uniforms; specifically the uniforms of the now bankrupt Japan Airlines (JAL)? If so, you may be out of luck. It seems that the demand for the uniforms from fetishists and sex clubs is so high that the airline is taking special matters to make sure the uniforms don’t fall into the wrong hands.
It’s not just because JAL officials are worried that the sexual connotations associated with this practice would tarnish the company’s image which, let’s be honest, is pretty tarnished already. Nope, it’s also due to the potential security risk. As a JAL spokeswoman told the press, “anyone wearing a JAL uniform at an airport could quite easily access restricted areas, but we also do not want people misrepresenting the company or damaging our image in any way.” Read more...
Courtesy of our friends at CollegeHumor, a look at the posters of some of this year’s Oscar nominees and what these films really should have been titled. Happy Oscar viewing!
The most anticipated films this year might be Iron Man 2 or Robin Hood, but my #1 must-see for 2010 is The Runaways (well, Hot Tub Time Machine might be a close second). The movie tells the story of the kick-ass 1970s all-chick rock n’ roll band of the same name whose roster consisted of the first ladies of rock—Joan Jett, Cherie Currie, Sandy West, Jackie Fox, Lita Ford and other “temporary” members (bassist Micki Steele played a brief stint before leaving and later joining the Bangles).
Why is this my must-see flick? Well, this week’s flavah of the week is “women” and some of my fellow male Offenders have written about the fetishes types of women who do it for them. For Roger it’s the Ninja-Assassin, for Alfredo the train wreck and for Anderson the glasses-wearing girl. As for me, I will always have a place in my heart for chicks who rock. And nothing embodies that “chicks who rock” vibe more than the Runaways. Read more...
Some years ago, I was in a playwriting workshop and one of my fellow writers/classmates was “Terry.” Terry was awesome. He was the gayest guy I had ever met—very out, very flamboyant, very proud. Other gays would look at him and go, “Damn, that boy is gay!” Terry would regale the class with tales of his wild “gayventures” and many of his stories would revolve around these underground S&M clubs he would often frequent.
As I am always up for new things, I asked him if I could tag along with him to one of these underground clubs. “I’ve been waiting for you to utter those very words,” Terry replied; a small tear trickling down his cheek. He said one of the clubs would be in Silver Lake that coming Friday (they moved around to different locations) which was just blocks from where I lived. I told him I was definitely there.
At the time I was dating a woman named “Sally.” When I told her about my plans for Friday night, she wanted to come along too. I didn’t see any harm in this (big mistake as you will also learn shortly) and I called Terry to let him know Sally would be joining us. Read more...
“When you grow up, your heart dies.” — from The Breakfast Club
Just finished Susannah Gora’s new book You Couldn’t Ignore Me If You Tried: The Brat Pack, John Hughes, And Their Impact On A Generation. As the title implies, the book looks back on the 1980s and the particular brand of teen movies of the era pioneered by the late writer/director John Hughes (Gora focuses on the seven seminal works in this genre: Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, St. Elmo’s Fire, Pretty In Pink, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Some Kind Of Wonderful and Say Anything).
Many of us here at YOMYOMF grew up in the 1980s and these films were an important part of our youth despite their flaws (i.e. the glaring lack of diversity in them except for one infamous exception—see below). So let’s take a trip to the past with these little-known facts from Gora’s book: Read more...
Have you ever wished that someone would make a comprehensive video detailing the career of my fellow Offender Justin? Well, luckily for you, someone did just that. The following video (see below following the jump) is from a dude named Tanner and it looks like he produced it for a film class project in 2008. And can I just say how completely awesome this is!
Forget A&E Biography or the E! The True Hollywood Story, Tanner was able to dig up information that I think I can safely say that even Justin himself probably did not know about his own life–like how he was born in the small Taiwanese town of “Tappy,” the proper pronunciation of the titles of his films, how he directed the documentary The Slanted Screen under the pseudonym of Jeff Adachi (I believe “Adachi” is Japanese for “I’m really Justin Lin”) and that he not only directed The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift but also starred in the film as “one of the main characters.” Here’s a photo of Justin from the movie:
All I can say is: Justin, you need to hire Tanner immediately as your publicist/life guru/one man entourage/assistant (sorry Bobby, but I don’t remember you ever taking the time to make a film about your boss). Here’s the video: Read more...
Regular readers of this blog know that Anderson and I we are all about Star Wars at YOMYOMF. So if you’re like us, you may have asked yourself on numerous occasions–I wonder what’s the best short film featuring Star Wars Lego characters engaged in a lightsaber duel? Well, wonder no more. This new film from Fancy Pants Productions may just be able to lay claim to that title:
The California State Assembly passed a resolution proclaiming this week “Cuss-Free Week.” What that means is that every Californian is being “encouraged” not to use profanity all this week. How do I know this? Because Jasmine told me. Jasmine is 9-years-old and the daughter of a close friend who’s a single mother. I spent the good part of this evening baby-sitting her while her mother was out at a business function and I soon learned that Jasmine’s teacher had told her about cuss-free week and that Jasmine decided it was the right time to confront me about my “cussing problem.”
“Uncle Phil,” she laid into me, “I think you cuss too much. I think it’s a real problem. It’s probably why you’re so old and you’re not married. Girls don’t like boys with dirty mouths.”
“Really?” I reply. I’m only half-listening to her; too busy surfing the web on my lap top.
“That’s why my mommy left my daddy,” Jasmine continues; oblivious to my pressing need to keep up with Angry Asian Man’s most recent posts. “He had a dirty mouth.” Read more...
As regular readers of my blogs know, I’m all about trying to help my Asian American brothas score with the ladies of the Caucasian persuasion (see here and here for past examples). Perhaps there’s a hot white chick who has already caught your eye and you’re thinking of inviting her over to your bachelor pad for a romantic evening including a DVD you can watch together to get her in the right mood. My fellow Offender Roger has previously blogged about some films that might be appropriate for this occasion, but following is my list of the five movies you must never watch with your white chick if you want to score with her.
MULAN (1998)
Disney’s animated version of the Chinese folk tale about a maiden who becomes one of China’s greatest warrior-heroes is an acclaimed film featuring positive Asian characters that’s sure to tug at your white woman’s heart strings. So then why should you avoid it? Because the plot is about a Chinese woman who successfully pretends to be a man so she can fight in battle. Asian men are emasculated enough as it is in our culture, you don’t want to give your white chick any more fuel to add to that fire. When she’s wondering what’s inside your pants, you don’t want her first thought to be…a vagina. Read more...
The other day, an ex-Asian American girlfriend who currently lives up in San Francisco posted some photos from a Lunar New Year’s celebration she attended. She was dressed in a cheongsam that fit tightly around her still curvaceous and lovely body. The dress also had that slit that runs down the side to show off her long and silky smooth legs. And damn, if I wasn’t turned on! I haven’t thought about this woman in a long time, but the only thing that kept me from jumping on a plane to the Bay Area at that very moment was the fact that she has a husband and a kid now.
