I previously posted some pics of funny street signs. Here are some more; this time from our Japanese friends. I’ll let them speak for themselves because, quite frankly, I have no idea what half of them mean. But that doesn’t stop them from being completely and totally awesome! Happy Friday!
I recently blogged about the films my Asian American brothas should never watch with a white woman they want to mack. Well, I’m all about the equal opportunity and I know there are some Asian American sistas reading this who also have a craving for the white meat. So if that’s you, here are five flicks you should never watch with your white dude if you want to keep him from bolting out your door.
RINGU (1998)
The one that started it all–this is the original Japanese horror film about a girl who seeks vengeance from beyond the grave via a cursed videotape. This is a chick who gets conked in the head and thrown down a deep well–after which the well is tightly sealed. Yet, she still manages to somehow climb out of your TV to fuck you up good. There are people who already think Asian chicks especially Koreans are crazy (not me of course), so do you really want your white man to worry that you’re going to track him down and fuck him up good if he does anything to slight or upset you? Do you want him to think this will happen to him (and yes, that is Hiroyuki Sanada from Lost):
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Something odd is happening to 101-year-old Chinese grandmother Zhang Ruifang from Linlou village in China’s Henan province. In the past year, a mysterious protrusion, which has been compared to a goat horn, has been growing out of the left side of her forehead. The horn is about 6 centimeters (2.36 inches) long and a second, similar growth has also begun to appear on the other side of her forehead.
Medical experts are unsure of what the growth is, but it is said to resemble a cutaneous horn, which is made up of compacted keratin, the protein found in hair and nails. Such growths can appear in the elderly, especially those with a history of significant sun exposure, but a growth of this size is extremely rare.
Or maybe, just maybe…well, is it me or is everyone skirting the obvious explanation for what this woman might be turning into?
When I was in college I had read that before he became a famous director, the young Steven Spielberg used to sneak onto the Universal Studios lot. He’d wear a nice suit, walk past the guard at the front gate, wave, smile and he’d be in (in high school, I’d sneak onto studio lots by placing a big brown paper bag in the passenger seat of my car and telling the guard I was there to deliver Chinese food). Ah, the innocent pre-9/11 days. Anyways, the young Spielberg would walk around the lot watching movies/TV shows being filmed and even squatted in an unused office. I was inspired by his story and decided, upon my graduation from college, that I wanted to follow in his footsteps.
My friend Ross was an assistant for a successful TV director at the time and his boss had just been hired to direct a feature. They would be on location for about four months and their office in the main TV building on the Warner Bros. lot would sit empty that whole time. I saw my opportunity to pull a Spielberg. I asked Ross if I could “use” their office while they were shooting. To my surprise, he said yes. He gave me a key, even the password for the copy machines and said I had full reign while they were gone.
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Do you have a fetish for women dressed in flight attendant uniforms; specifically the uniforms of the now bankrupt Japan Airlines (JAL)? If so, you may be out of luck. It seems that the demand for the uniforms from fetishists and sex clubs is so high that the airline is taking special matters to make sure the uniforms don’t fall into the wrong hands.
It’s not just because JAL officials are worried that the sexual connotations associated with this practice would tarnish the company’s image which, let’s be honest, is pretty tarnished already. Nope, it’s also due to the potential security risk. As a JAL spokeswoman told the press, “anyone wearing a JAL uniform at an airport could quite easily access restricted areas, but we also do not want people misrepresenting the company or damaging our image in any way.”
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Courtesy of our friends at CollegeHumor, a look at the posters of some of this year’s Oscar nominees and what these films really should have been titled. Happy Oscar viewing!
The most anticipated films this year might be Iron Man 2 or Robin Hood, but my #1 must-see for 2010 is The Runaways (well, Hot Tub Time Machine might be a close second). The movie tells the story of the kick-ass 1970s all-chick rock n’ roll band of the same name whose roster consisted of the first ladies of rock—Joan Jett, Cherie Currie, Sandy West, Jackie Fox, Lita Ford and other “temporary” members (bassist Micki Steele played a brief stint before leaving and later joining the Bangles).
Why is this my must-see flick? Well, this week’s flavah of the week is “women” and some of my fellow male Offenders have written about the fetishes types of women who do it for them. For Roger it’s the Ninja-Assassin, for Alfredo the train wreck and for Anderson the glasses-wearing girl. As for me, I will always have a place in my heart for chicks who rock. And nothing embodies that “chicks who rock” vibe more than the Runaways.
Some years ago, I was in a playwriting workshop and one of my fellow writers/classmates was “Terry.” Terry was awesome. He was the gayest guy I had ever met—very out, very flamboyant, very proud. Other gays would look at him and go, “Damn, that boy is gay!” Terry would regale the class with tales of his wild “gayventures” and many of his stories would revolve around these underground S&M clubs he would often frequent.
As I am always up for new things, I asked him if I could tag along with him to one of these underground clubs. “I’ve been waiting for you to utter those very words,” Terry replied; a small tear trickling down his cheek. He said one of the clubs would be in Silver Lake that coming Friday (they moved around to different locations) which was just blocks from where I lived. I told him I was definitely there.
At the time I was dating a woman named “Sally.” When I told her about my plans for Friday night, she wanted to come along too. I didn’t see any harm in this (big mistake as you will also learn shortly) and I called Terry to let him know Sally would be joining us.
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“When you grow up, your heart dies.” — from The Breakfast Club
Just finished Susannah Gora’s new book You Couldn’t Ignore Me If You Tried: The Brat Pack, John Hughes, And Their Impact On A Generation. As the title implies, the book looks back on the 1980s and the particular brand of teen movies of the era pioneered by the late writer/director John Hughes (Gora focuses on the seven seminal works in this genre: Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, St. Elmo’s Fire, Pretty In Pink, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Some Kind Of Wonderful and Say Anything).
Many of us here at YOMYOMF grew up in the 1980s and these films were an important part of our youth despite their flaws (i.e. the glaring lack of diversity in them except for one infamous exception—see below). So let’s take a trip to the past with these little-known facts from Gora’s book:
Have you ever wished that someone would make a comprehensive video detailing the career of my fellow Offender Justin? Well, luckily for you, someone did just that. The following video (see below following the jump) is from a dude named Tanner and it looks like he produced it for a film class project in 2008. And can I just say how completely awesome this is!
Forget A&E Biography or the E! The True Hollywood Story, Tanner was able to dig up information that I think I can safely say that even Justin himself probably did not know about his own life–like how he was born in the small Taiwanese town of “Tappy,” the proper pronunciation of the titles of his films, how he directed the documentary The Slanted Screen under the pseudonym of Jeff Adachi (I believe “Adachi” is Japanese for “I’m really Justin Lin”) and that he not only directed The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift but also starred in the film as “one of the main characters.” Here’s a photo of Justin from the movie:
All I can say is: Justin, you need to hire Tanner immediately as your publicist/life guru/one man entourage/assistant (sorry Bobby, but I don’t remember you ever taking the time to make a film about your boss). Here’s the video:
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Regular readers of this blog know that Anderson and I we are all about Star Wars at YOMYOMF. So if you’re like us, you may have asked yourself on numerous occasions–I wonder what’s the best short film featuring Star Wars Lego characters engaged in a lightsaber duel? Well, wonder no more. This new film from Fancy Pants Productions may just be able to lay claim to that title:
The California State Assembly passed a resolution proclaiming this week “Cuss-Free Week.” What that means is that every Californian is being “encouraged” not to use profanity all this week. How do I know this? Because Jasmine told me. Jasmine is 9-years-old and the daughter of a close friend who’s a single mother. I spent the good part of this evening baby-sitting her while her mother was out at a business function and I soon learned that Jasmine’s teacher had told her about cuss-free week and that Jasmine decided it was the right time to confront me about my “cussing problem.”
“Uncle Phil,” she laid into me, “I think you cuss too much. I think it’s a real problem. It’s probably why you’re so old and you’re not married. Girls don’t like boys with dirty mouths.”
“Really?” I reply. I’m only half-listening to her; too busy surfing the web on my lap top.
“That’s why my mommy left my daddy,” Jasmine continues; oblivious to my pressing need to keep up with Angry Asian Man’s most recent posts. “He had a dirty mouth.”
As regular readers of my blogs know, I’m all about trying to help my Asian American brothas score with the ladies of the Caucasian persuasion (see here and here for past examples). Perhaps there’s a hot white chick who has already caught your eye and you’re thinking of inviting her over to your bachelor pad for a romantic evening including a DVD you can watch together to get her in the right mood. My fellow Offender Roger has previously blogged about some films that might be appropriate for this occasion, but following is my list of the five movies you must never watch with your white chick if you want to score with her.
MULAN (1998)
Disney’s animated version of the Chinese folk tale about a maiden who becomes one of China’s greatest warrior-heroes is an acclaimed film featuring positive Asian characters that’s sure to tug at your white woman’s heart strings. So then why should you avoid it? Because the plot is about a Chinese woman who successfully pretends to be a man so she can fight in battle. Asian men are emasculated enough as it is in our culture, you don’t want to give your white chick any more fuel to add to that fire. When she’s wondering what’s inside your pants, you don’t want her first thought to be…a vagina.
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Are your stuffed animals stressed out and in need of a vacation? Well, there’s a new travel agency in the Czech Republic that has the solution to your problem. Inspired by the globe-trotting garden gnome from the film Amelie, the Toy Traveling agency is offering a luxury vacation package for…your stuffed animal.
That’s right—your stuffed animal will be escorted around Prague and photos will be taken of him/her at all the lovely tourist sites. You can even pay extra for your favorite toy to receive a massage complete with candles and incense.
Damn, do people actually pay for this shit?!
Ah, your first time…you never forget it. My first “Hollywood” rejection was for a spec episode I wrote for the TV series Star Trek: The Next Generation.
This was back in college and I was 19 or 20 years-old…as green as a spring pasture in Ireland. Now I was by no means a Trekker or hard-core Trek fan, but I grew up on reruns of the original Star Trek series and started watching the Next Generation (TNG) in school because my housemate and our buddies would get stoned and watch it. I was very anti-TV during that time and tried to resist as long as possible but, in the end, resistance was…uh…futile. I did enjoy the show but if I wasn’t a big fan, why did I pick that series to write for? Honestly, for one simple reason…it was the only show on the air that accepted unsolicited scripts. So even a nobody like me had a shot in theory.
Those wacky folks at PETA are at it again. They announced this past week that they were going to unveil the following billboard in Florida to encourage pet owners to spay or neuter their pets:
But after “talking” with Tiger Woods’ lawyers, PETA announced yesterday that they will place the billboard “on hold” for now and go with another campaign. That must have been quite a talk.
Regular readers of my blogs (yes, all four of you) know that I’m fascinated by all the bizarre stuff that the Japanese seem to be into. But when I stumbled upon the following You Tube clip of Smasan Boyle, a Japanese cross-dressing Susan Boyle imitator, well…I have to admit I’m not sure what to make of this actually. It’s obviously a parody of Boyle and her appearances on Britain’s Got Talent, but can someone tell me what the hell is going on? The clip’s in Japanese with no subtitles so I can’t really follow it and it raises all sorts of questions like what’s up with the mysterious man waiting offstage who seems to be making Boyle and anyone who notices him mighty nervous? If you think you can make sense out of this, check it out and enlighten me:
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“Scott” is a childhood friend. Although we’ve kept in touch over the years, we’re not particularly close. He’s more the type of friend you hang out with over a few beers, but not someone I’d pour my heart out to (and vice versa). So when he emailed me this past weekend and said he had something important to discuss, I assumed it was the worst—maybe a terrible accident, a life-threatening disease, that sort of thing. I immediately called him.
“What’s wrong?” I asked. Long pause. “Scott, do you need money? Did someone die? You know I’m here to help.”
“Dude,” he finally said meekly. “I just…I just found out the most disturbing thing.”
Shit, I thought. This sounds worse than I thought. “What is it, man? You can tell me.”
Another long pause. Then, he finally blurted it out, “I found out my mom was a…big-time slut!”
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So actress Kirsten Dunst joined forces with director McG and artist Takashi Murakami to make this video entitled “Akihabara Majokko Princess” which is basically their remake of the Vapor’s ‘80s hit “Turning Japanese.”
I generally dig Murakami and usually have no problem with Dunst or McG either but—am I the only one looking at this and going what the fuck?! Didn’t Gwen Stefani already do this a few years ago? And I thought this song was really about masturbation–why isn’t that in the video? At least I could get down with that. Anyway, check it out for yourself:
Saw this picture over at Racialicious:
It’s a float from a German Carnival parade that depicts President Obama and Chinese leader Hu in bed together. As you can see–Obama is handing his Chinese counterpart a whole wad of cash alluding to the debt the U.S. owes China. What makes this image even more bizarrely racist is not only Hu’s yellow clothing and coolie hat or even the white German folk dressed up as yellow coolies, but that drawing of the John Lennon and Yoko Ono-esque interracial couple on the side of the float. What the fuck is up with that?
Ah, leave it to the Germans, with their long history of racial and cultural sensitivity, to come up with something like this.
