Why Japan is Awesome #5007: Tomato-Feeding Robot for Runners

It’s a question that has plagued runners through the years decades centuries: Why can’t someone find an easier way to help me eat tomatoes while I’m running? Well, tomato-loving runners, your prayers have been answered. This is the Tomatan:

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And it comes to you courtesy of a visionary named Shigenori Suzuki of Kagome, a fruit and juice company out of Japan. As you can see from this very instructional video below highlighting the history and genesis of this incredible invention, Suzuki was inspired to invent the Tomatan by carefully observing hot women suggestively eating bananas or running around with bananas sticking out of their back pockets:

Once again, in case you missed it, here’s Suzuki’s inspiration again:

Godzilla Can Now Watch You Sleep or Have Sex if You’re Into That for $125/Night

If you suffer from Godzillaphilia, which is a condition where one can only get sexually aroused if Godzilla is watching you while you’re getting down, the Hotel Gracery in Tokyo will be the place to be when it opens on April 24. Because you’ll be able to get a room with this view:

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Godzilla watching you relentlessly while you sleep or have sex in your room.

The huge Godzilla head will sit atop Shinjuku’s Toho Cinema (where Godzilla launched his cinematic career) and as you can see from these mock-ups, the hotel room won’t be the only place where you’ll get a nice view of our giant lizard friend.

Happy Ninja Day!

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Today, February 22, is Ninja Day in Japan. No, I’m not making this shit up. Supposedly, this “unofficial” holiday started in the Japanese cities of Iga and Koka—both historic “ninja strongholds”.

I’m not sure what one is supposed to do on Ninja Day, but if you want to dress in the traditional black costume and sneak up on unsuspecting people only to vanish into the wisps of wind before you are detected, go for it!

The Most Depressing Starbucks in America is Getting a Makeover

Last year, I blogged about the newly opened Starbucks in Highland Park, California, just miles from our YOMYOMF Office in South Pasadena—the one dubbed “the Most Depressing Starbucks in America”. Well, as I drove past it the other day on my way to the office, I noticed this sight:

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It looks like that Starbucks is finally getting that makeover they promised the community. What the new Starbucks will look like remains to be seen, but I will be there the moment they open to check it out. The only question is—if they do indeed renovate the business into something aesthetically appropriate that the community is happy with, where will sad Keanu get his afternoon lattes?

Happy New Year! And What is This the Year of Again?

Want to wish our readers a Happy Lunar New Year (noticed I used “Lunar” instead of “Chinese” since a lot of non-Chinese Asians also celebrate the holiday)! And of course the big question is: is this the year of the goat or the sheep or the ram? Because it’s getting confusing seeing this:

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And this:

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And this:

Hey Kids, Today is Krispy Kreme’s KKK Wednesday & You’re All Invited!

This week, students in the UK are celebrating what’s known as half term (which is basically a week off from school). So the Krispy Kreme branch in Hull, England is kind enough to offer activities for these children during their vacation time inviting them to such events as “Face Painting Thursday” and “Colouring Tuesday” (come on, Brits, everyone knows it’s spelled “coloring”) and today’s special event: “KKK Wednesday”.

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So what exactly is KKK Wednesday? Is it similar to Dunkin’ Donut’s special “charcoal donut” promotion from a couple of years ago?

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Or maybe it’s for the kids to get together and create special designs for their pastries?

Cats + Boobs = Awesome GIFs!

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Apparently GIFs of cats and boobs are currently popular on the Chinese social media site Weibo. Since this is important news, I have no choice but to report it here because that’s the responsibly journalistic thing to do. And by report it, I mean post those GIFs of cats and boobs (I was going to do some clever wordplay about “pussies” and boobs, but, damn it, we’re much too classy for that).

Enjoy!

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Song Created by Chinese Censors About the Glories of Chinese Censorship Censored by China

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Real employees of the Chinese government’s Cyberspace Administration created/performed this original song/video to extol the glories of their job:

And their job is to “monitor” the internet for the good of its people. They’re basically the reason why you can’t access Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Google and a bunch of other stuff on the internet when you’re in China. You know, for your own good, of course. So, yes, it’s a song about how awesome it is to censor shit on the internet. Which makes the following bit of news more ironic than any of the examples of irony that Alanis Morissette gave in that one song about things that were ironic but really weren’t according to the definition of irony I learned in, oh, fourth grade.

Hey, You Can Also Get Armadillo at That Temple City Market

A couple of days ago, I blogged about the woman who freaked out when she saw raccoon for sale at a Chinese market in Temple City, a suburb of Los Angeles in the San Gabriel Valley which is home to many Asians. Well, my colleague Jimmy happened to be shopping at that very market back during the holidays when he came upon this and took a pic:

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It’s a real, previously alive armadillo bagged, tagged and ready to be bought and eaten. Like the raccoon, the armadillo is also available in the “fish dept” for some reason and at $17.99 a pound, that meat better be tasty as shit.

Romantic Valentine’s Haikus for Free

INFATUATIONI’m sure some of our readers are freaking out right now because they have yet to find the perfect Valentine’s gift for their significant others. Well, I’m here to help. Below are some top notch, high quality romantic haikus that I am giving you permission to use as your own for FREE. What better way to express your love than with a beautiful haiku from the heart that you didn’t write but can falsely claim as your own? And the best part is they are FREE ‘cause I’m that kind of guy. And you’re welcome.

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Our love is as deep
As a large deep dish pizza
Chicago style, yo!

Your sweet divine voice
Like a songbird in spring
How ‘bout a blow job?

Still Holding a Grudge or Pissing Into the Mouths of Japanese Soldiers

Even decades after World War II, there are still a good number of Chinese, Koreans and other Asians who harbor grudges against Japan for the atrocities they committed during that period. Growing up, I remember many of my parents and their friends would refuse to support anything Japanese (though their stance has softened in recent years). Well, one restaurant owner in the Chinese city of Pingliang apparently still holds a grudge as evidence by this picture:

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42-year-old Bo Fang, the aforementioned restaurant owner, has added urinals shaped like the heads of Imperial Japanese soldiers and, yup, you can piss right into their mouths.

According to Fang, this is his way of remembering how his family suffered during the Japanese occupation, adding that “It really annoys me that they never said sorry for what they did – and I know a lot of people feel the same.”