YOMYOMF’s Summer Blockbuster Showdown — DAWN OF THE PLANET OF THE APES!

APEYOMYOMF's Summer Blockbuster Showdown Part 5-01

Select Offenders will be reviewing this summer’s crop of Hollywood tentpole films with a scientifically tested set of criteria that was vetted, nurtured, dissected and regurgitated through the pop-culture gadflies who have nothing better to do than annoy other productive people in the YOMYOMF office. So, we channeled their nitpicks of the incessant reboots, remakes and rehashes that are part and parcel with Hollywood summer movies into this ongoing summer blog series called the SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER SHOWDOWN. You can read previous roundtable reviews, which are all archived here

In this edition, we review DAWN OF THE PLANET OF THE APES! BTW, this roundtable review is chock full of spoilers. You’ve been warned!  

YOMYOMF’s Summer Blockbuster Showdown — MALEFICENT!

maleficent

Select Offenders will be reviewing this summer’s crop of Hollywood tentpole films with a scientifically tested set of criteria that was vetted, nurtured, dissected and regurgitated through the pop-culture gadflies who have nothing better to do than annoy other productive people in the YOMYOMF office. So, we channeled their nitpicks of the incessant reboots, remakes and rehashes that are part and parcel with Hollywood summer movies into this ongoing summer blog series called the SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER SHOWDOWN. You can read previous roundtable reviews, which are all archived here

In this edition, we nitpick on Disney’s MALEFICENT starring Angelina Jolie. BTW, this roundtable review is chock full of spoilers. You’ve been warned!

YOMYOMF’s Summer Blockbuster Showdown — TRANSFORMERS: AGE OF EXTINCTION!

YOMYOMF's Summer Blockbuster Showdown Part 3-01

Select Offenders will be reviewing this summer’s crop of Hollywood tentpole films with a scientifically tested set of criteria that was vetted, nurtured, dissected and regurgitated through the pop-culture gadflies who have nothing better to do than annoy other productive people in the YOMYOMF office. So, we channeled their nitpicks of the incessant reboots, remakes and rehashes that are part and parcel with Hollywood summer movies into this ongoing summer blog series called the SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER SHOWDOWN. You can read previous roundtable reviews, which are all archived here

In this edition, we tackle Michael Mr. Stage Fright Bay’s latest masturbatory opus, TRANSFORMERS: AGE OF EXTINCTION! BTW, this roundtable review is chock full of spoilers. You’ve been warned! 

SAF seeking… A French Connection part 1

guest_offendersANNIKA

Annika is a 20-something year old newly single divorcee who recently returned to school to complete a bachelor’s degree in computational linguistics. She spends her time baking, cooking, swimming, hanging at pubs, trying different foods and restaurants, and inappropriately staring at the asses of unassuming men. She currently lives in Los Angeles.

Hey, do guys really notice if you haven't shaved your legs?!

Hey, do guys really notice if you haven’t shaved your legs?!

“Oh my god, I forgot to shave my legs. I hope he didn’t notice. He won’t, right? I’m Asian, I’m practically hairless!”

I’m sprinting to my car from the office in a neighborhood adjacent to Beverly Hills. He lives not far away from where I work and we actually have another hour before our agreed upon meeting time but he did extract from me a promise that I would get there sooner if I could, so there was no point in going back to my home to shave my legs.

His name is “Pierre” and we met two days prior to that while standing in line at Starbucks where I ordered a Blackberry Mojito Tea Lemonade with no other intentions in mind other than to drink my drink and go home. He was a rather tall gentleman for a Frenchman (5’9”ish), with beautiful, dreamy, thick dark blonde hair, peppered with a little grey, and your typical European hipster glasses. He was also kind of hairy, from what I could tell under his V-neck shirt, and I had also never been with a Frenchman before and so I think, “Why not check this box off?”

YOMYOMF’s Summer Blockbuster Showdown — EDGE OF TOMORROW!

YOMYOMF's Summer Blockbuster Showdown Part 2-01

Select Offenders will be reviewing this summer’s crop of Hollywood tentpole films with a scientifically tested set of criteria that was vetted, nurtured, dissected and regurgitated through the pop-culture gadflies who have nothing better to do than annoy other productive people in the YOMYOMF office. So, we channeled their nitpicks of the incessant reboots, remakes and rehashes that are part and parcel with Hollywood summer movies into this ongoing summer blog series called the SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER SHOWDOWN. You can read previous roundtable reviews, which are all archived here

Since we’re a little late in the game (we’re already heading into July), we’re going to play catch-up this week with a series of blogs about the films that have been released already. In this edition, we discuss EDGE OF TOMORROW starring Tom Cruise.

BTW, this roundtable review is chock full of spoilers. You’ve been warned! 

YOMYOMF’s Summer Blockbuster Showdown — THE AMAZING SPIDERMAN 2!

YOMYOMF's Summer Blockbuster Showdown Part 2-01

Select Offenders will be reviewing this summer’s crop of Hollywood tentpole films with a scientifically tested set of criteria that was vetted, nurtured, dissected and regurgitated through the pop-culture gadflies who have nothing better to do than annoy other productive people in the YOMYOMF office. So, we channeled their nitpicks of the incessant reboots, remakes and rehashes that are part and parcel with Hollywood summer movies into this ongoing summer blog series called the SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER SHOWDOWN.

Since we’re a little late in the game (we’re already heading into July), we’re going to play catch-up this week with a series of blogs about the films that have been released already. In this edition, we discuss THE AMAZING SPIDERMAN 2.

BTW, this roundtable review is chock full of spoilers. You’ve been warned! 

YOMYOMF’s Summer Blockbuster Showdown — 22 JUMP STREET!

YOMYOMF's Summer Blockbuster Showdown Part 1-01

Select Offenders will be reviewing this summer’s crop of Hollywood tentpole films with a scientifically tested set of criteria that was vetted, nurtured, dissected and regurgitated through the pop-culture gadflies who have nothing better to do than annoy other productive people in the YOMYOMF office. So, we channeled their nitpicks of the incessant reboots, remakes and rehashes that are part and parcel with Hollywood summer movies into this ongoing summer blog series called the SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER SHOWDOWN.

Since we’re a little late in the game (we’re already heading into July), we’re going to play catch-up this week with a series of blogs about the films that have been released already. In this edition, we discuss the sequel, 22 JUMP STREET.

BTW, this roundtable review is chock full of spoilers. You’ve been warned! 

YOMYOMF’s Summer Blockbuster Showdown continues with X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST

YOMYOMF's Summer Blockbuster Showdown Part 1-01
Select Offenders will be reviewing this summer’s crop of Hollywood tentpole films with a scientifically tested set of criteria that was vetted, nurtured, dissected and regurgitated through the pop-culture gadflies who have nothing better to do than annoy other productive people in the YOMYOMF office. So, we channeled their nitpicks of the incessant reboots, remakes and rehashes that are part and parcel with Hollywood summer movies into this ongoing summer blog series called the SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER SHOWDOWN.

Since we’re a little late in the game (we’re already heading into July), we’re going to play catch-up this week with a series of blogs about the films that have been released already. In this edition, we dissect X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST.

BTW, this roundtable review is chock full of spoilers. You’ve been warned!

YOMYOMF’s Summer Blockbuster Showdown kicks off with GODZILLA

YOMYOMF's Summer Blockbuster Showdown Part 1-01
Select Offenders will be reviewing this summer’s crop of Hollywood tentpole films with a scientifically tested set of criteria that was vetted, nurtured, dissected and regurgitated through the pop-culture gadflies who have nothing better to do than annoy other productive people in the YOMYOMF office. So, we channeled their nitpicks of the incessant reboots, remakes and rehashes that are part and parcel with Hollywood summer movies into this ongoing summer blog series called the SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER SHOWDOWN.

Since we’re a little late in the game (we’re already heading into July), we’re going to play catch-up this week with a series of blogs about the films that have been released already. First up, the ultimate Asian character in all of cinema, GODZILLA!

BTW, this roundtable review is chock full of spoilers. You’ve been warned!

SAF Seeking… Brewed Hot Coffee

ANNIKA

Annika is a 20-something year old newly single divorcee who recently returned to school to complete a bachelor’s degree in computational linguistics. She spends her time baking, cooking, swimming, hanging at pubs, trying different foods and restaurants, and inappropriately staring at the asses of unassuming men. She currently lives in Los Angeles.

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“Is there hot coffee brewing?”

I work at Starbucks. It is my second job, in addition to a job I have working at a psychologists’ office and it is without a doubt the lowest paying job I’ve had since high school, but it also gives me the opportunity to receive benefits while working part-time. It also allows me to work around my school schedule while making a little extra money. It’s hard on the body and most customers are assholes, but I also work with a fantastically odd group of people and it is one of the most fun jobs I’ve had.

Most of us – the baristas – are young and single. Being that it is Starbucks, and despite working in an Orthodox Jewish neighborhood, we get a high number of good-looking customers coming in to get their brew for the day. In an effort to not be totally obvious, we’ve developed a lingo system to announce the presence of an attractive customer by saying “is there hot coffee brewing?”

SAF seeking… Clarity

guest_offendersANNIKA

Annika is a 20-something year old newly single divorcee who recently returned to school to complete a bachelor’s degree in computational linguistics. She spends her time baking, cooking, swimming, hanging at pubs, trying different foods and restaurants, and inappropriately staring at the asses of unassuming men. She currently lives in Los Angeles.

THE_END

Feel that? Brrr.

“I know this is a bad time to say this given your current condition [with food poisoning], but I think I’m going to cool my heels here. I do wish you the best and I hope you feel better!”

Ahhh, and our newborn dalliance comes to an end. It was the third time he had cancelled with such little notice and my vagina couldn’t take it anymore.

Too bad. I liked Ari otherwise – we got on pretty well. I always think back to the conversation we had about this song called “Bring on the Dancing Horses” by Echo and the Bunnymen that was on my profile and how much we both loved that song and how, in unison, we said, “It was written specifically for ‘Pretty in Pink’!” and I smiled because I hadn’t met anyone else who knew that little fact.

SAF Seeking . . . A New F Buddy, pt. 3: Who has Time for This Shit?

guest_offendersANNIKA

Annika is a 20-something year old newly single divorcee who recently returned to school to complete a bachelor’s degree in computational linguistics. She spends her time baking, cooking, swimming, hanging at pubs, trying different foods and restaurants, and inappropriately staring at the asses of unassuming men. She currently lives in Los Angeles.

(Read Part 1 here and Part 2 here)

So when ARE you free?

So when ARE you free?

Ari: What’s your week looking like?
Me: Uhhh, I’ve got an open slot for Thursday night and Sunday night. Nothing else though.
Ari: Crap, I can’t do either.
Me: There’s a possibility for Tuesday night, but not guaranteed.
Ari: I have client drinks which I can’t reschedule, but I know they’re early. I’ll text you that day.