SAF Seeking… A Dull Moment

imageANNIKA

Annika is a 28 year old Cambodian Vietnamese Chinese French American who recently returned to school to finish a bachelor’s degree in computer science and linguistics. Her hobbies and interests include swimming, cooking, baking, writing, reading, math, symbolic logic, learning foreign languages, and drinking espresso – and of course, boys.

This is my romantic life for the past week.

This is my romantic life for the past week.

My social/romantic life has been a bit hectic post-Andreas. I have effectively moved on from my crush on CB and have wandered into other ponds, so to speak. I was so embarrassed about everything that had happened between all of us that I just fell off the radar on CB’s side.

I met a boy named “Jay” last weekend at Canter’s Delicatessen. Without going into too much detail, we said hi, winked, bonded over a bowl of matzo ball soup (he’s a conservative Jew who grew up in synagogue life), and ended up back at my place to roll around naked for a few hours – no sex, surprisingly. He came over again the next night for round two – and, again, no sex which is totally okay with me. We were both honest from the start: we’re both recently divorced and recently broken up and we just want to have fun. You know, “friends with benefits” although he has been making contact with me every day since we met (big FWB “no no”).

SAF Seeking… Freedom from the Friend Zone

guest_offendersANNIKA

Annika is a 28 year old Cambodian Vietnamese Chinese French American who recently returned to school to finish a bachelor’s degree in computer science and linguistics. Her hobbies and interests include swimming, cooking, baking, writing, reading, math, symbolic logic, learning foreign languages, and drinking espresso – and of course, boys.

keep-calm-and-you-will-get-out-of-the-friend-zone-4 Hello CB, 

I thought, that we could maybe be friends, but after the argument between Annika and me on Wednesday with apparently total breakup, it probably won’t happen. You are good friends with Annika, and I believe that she would not find it well, if there is still contact. Thus, best regards and be well. 
Andreas

The email was written in German and this is my rough translation. It was my most recent ex’s third and apparently final attempt to cockblock / instigate / get CB to ask questions about our situation. Of the two dozen or so dates I’ve been on since the break up, CB was the only one I ever really, truly liked — and he is the most aloof (psychoanalysts, get your pens ready).

SAF Seeking… Friends with Exes in Awkward Situations

guest_offendersANNIKA

Annika is a 28 year old Cambodian Vietnamese Chinese French American who recently returned to school to finish a bachelor’s degree in computer science and linguistics. Her hobbies and interests include swimming, cooking, baking, writing, reading, math, symbolic logic, learning foreign languages, and drinking espresso – and of course, boys.

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I have a crush on a boy I went out with a few weeks ago. The crush is unrequited, but we have hung out a few times since the first date which, in essence, means I am in the friend-zone… which is totally OK with me. Interestingly enough, OKCupid has us listed as a 99% match.

It’s mixed-signals-ville with this guy. He has not kissed me since the first date, but he still opens my doors, pays for everything, texts me on a regular basis, and takes care of me in other ways (preparing my food, etc). It’s weird. One or two people have, seriously, speculated that he is not yet defined in his sexual orientation, and it has nothing to do with his aloofness towards me. I also questioned it myself at one point (I have a pretty good radar for these things).

SAF Seeking… Hope for the Future

guest_offendersANNIKA

Annika is a 28 year old Cambodian Vietnamese Chinese French American who recently returned to school to finish a bachelor’s degree in computer science and linguistics. Her hobbies and interests include swimming, cooking, baking, writing, reading, math, symbolic logic, learning foreign languages, and drinking espresso – and of course, boys.

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“I think it has a lot to do with self-confidence and where you are with your life.”

That’s what my roommate told me when I confided to her that I did not think I could do better than my most recent ex-boyfriend.

I’m in a weird place, dating-wise. Well, life-wise. I mentioned in my previous entries that I was married for four and a half years or so. During my separation, I dated a guy for almost a year and a half and the divorce got finalized September 2013. I also made the decision to go back to school, but I am at least ten years older than most of the students there (see also: 100 years old in community college years). Post-divorce-boyfriend and I broke up in late January.

SAF Seeking… An Easy A

guest_offendersANNIKA

Annika is a 28 year old Cambodian Vietnamese Chinese French American who recently returned to school to finish a bachelor’s degree in computer science and linguistics. Her hobbies and interests include swimming, cooking, baking, writing, reading, math, symbolic logic, learning foreign languages, and drinking espresso – and of course, boys.

No great genius has ever existed without some touch of madness.

No great genius has ever existed without some touch of madness.

During my first year of the 13th grade (community college, for those who are unaware), I took an English Literature and Analysis course, as was required for transfer and for graduation. I was under the tutelage of a rather eccentric, yet charming English Ph.D. who was also a musician. He was tall, quite a bit older, but very young at heart. People either loved him or hated him. I, of course, fell into the former as I thought he was insanely brilliant. Or brilliantly insane. Both are pretty appropriate.

We were Facebook friends before the semester even started, but no exchanges were ever made and during the semester, nothing happened that was worth noting. He made a few inappropriate jokes (which I found hysterical) and threw an F-bomb here and there (also hysterical). He was a tough grader and many of my papers came through with a B or lower. It was disappointing and at one point, I thought, “Am I really that shitty of a writer?” and “Should I just drop this class? Nah, better not.” The final book we read was Lolita, a personal favorite that I have read many, many times over and so when it came time to turn in our final essay, which was an analysis of Lolita and its characters (I analyzed both Lolita and Humbert Humbert), I finally came through with an A.

SAF Seeking… Someone who doesn’t like spicy food

guest_offendersANNIKA

Annika is a 28 year old Cambodian Vietnamese Chinese French American who recently returned to school to finish a bachelor’s degree in computer science and linguistics. Her hobbies and interests include swimming, cooking, baking, writing, reading, math, symbolic logic, learning foreign languages, and drinking espresso – and of course, boys.

Bed omen.

Bed omen.

“We haven’t had sex in two weeks,” he said.

Indeed. We have not.

It was late January of 2007. I was dating a boy named “David” while living in San Diego. We had been together for all of four months and already, the relationship had begun deteriorating beyond repair.

He had anger control problems.

He also had substance abuse problems (alcohol, painkillers).

He also had major jealousy problems which was, unfortunate, as I had mostly male friends (and I swear, I don’t sleep with them).

SAF Seeking… Religious Freedom

guest_offendersANNIKA

Annika is a 28 year old Cambodian Vietnamese Chinese French American who recently returned to school to finish a bachelor’s degree in computer science and linguistics. Her hobbies and interests include swimming, cooking, baking, writing, reading, math, symbolic logic, learning foreign languages, and drinking espresso – and of course, boys.

Danger! Danger!

Danger! Danger!

He ordered a mango smoothie. What the fuck.

This was a particular cause for alarm considering not fifteen minutes before placing his order, he talked about never before having tried boba tea, so I dragged him along to this boba shop nearby. Now he’s ordering a mango smoothie. This infuriates me.

I was on a date with a tall, handsome fella who was a 30 year old Captain in the United States Marine Corps. Clean cut, athletic, well-educated, and polite, to boot. Just before the trip to the boba shop, we had an Italian dinner down by the Oceanside coast. It was a beautiful evening. At the time, I was living in the south of San Diego, so I was an hour away from home, just to have dinner with this gentleman. He was actually stationed in Twentynine Palms, but happened to be at Camp Pendleton for the week for an artillery training exercise. Anything else about him, I didn’t really know.

“Well, I’ll just have a regular milk tea boba,” I said.

SAF Seeking…Porn Star Sex (Pt. 2)

guest_offendersANNIKA

Annika is a 28 year old Cambodian Vietnamese Chinese French American who recently returned to school to finish a bachelor’s degree in computer science and linguistics. Her hobbies and interests include swimming, cooking, baking, writing, reading, math, symbolic logic, learning foreign languages, and drinking espresso – and of course, boys.

(Read Pt. 1 here)

pornmale

“Either I’m gay or I expected too much,” I thought to myself.

El Porn Starrito is going down on me. A for enthusiasm. We’ve been fooling around for the better part of a half hour at this point and I still have not gotten off, which is almost unheard of for me (full disclosure: I’m a hair-trigger-explosion in this context). Now he’s in me. Oh. Thirty seconds later, he’s done. Wow.

SAF Seeking… Ice Cream on a Hot Day

guest_offendersANNIKA

Annika is a 28 year old Cambodian Vietnamese Chinese French American who recently returned to school to finish a bachelor’s degree in computer science and linguistics. Her hobbies and interests include swimming, cooking, baking, writing, reading, math, symbolic logic, learning foreign languages, and drinking espresso – and of course, boys.

pear_icecream

During my struggle to re-acclimate to single life, I spent a weekend in San Diego just before moving out of the apartment my ex-husband and I shared in Venice Beach. It was a hot summer day. As always, I was staying in Pacific Beach with my best friend, “Tony,” who suggested I take a walk down to the new custom ice cream sandwich shop down the block. I didn’t have anything else planned for the day, so I did.

I walk into the shop and stare at the blue-and-pink chalk menu to make my selection. Out of the corner of my eye, I spot a tall gentleman in line in front of me. I look over. He looks at me. I’m a weirdo when it comes to eye contact, so I avert my gaze the second I notice him looking at me. I look again and our eyes are locked. I smile. He smiles back. He’s crazy gorgeous.

SAF Seeking… Financial Secrets

guest_offendersNEELANJANA

Neelanjana is a writer, editor, and teacher who is working REALLY HARD to return her library books on time.

So little, so easy, such wonderful stuff, this magical plastic!

So little, so easy, such wonderful stuff, this magical plastic!

I kept a big secret from my husband for the past year and a half: my credit card bill.

When I met R, I was transitioning out of my mid-20s, looking for something stable and real after years of playing at non-monogamy. R was everything I had wished for, plus a musician, with huge bright eyes and similar interests.

SAF seeking… Porn Star Sex. Yes. I did. And you?

guest_offenders

ANNIKA

Annika is a 28 year old Cambodian Vietnamese Chinese French American who recently returned to school to finish a bachelor’s degree in computer science and linguistics. Her hobbies and interests include swimming, cooking, baking, writing, reading, math, symbolic logic, learning foreign languages, and drinking espresso – and of course, boys.

Objects may appear bigger in real life.

Objects may appear bigger in real life.

“I’m nothing like my on-screen persona,” he said. “I’m much more sensual in person.”

“Oh, joy!” I thought to myself.

It was June of 2012 and I was staring this Belgian-Dutch boy in the face. We have never before met and we had only spent a few days talking via text message and had never even heard each other’s voice until I was en route to his place. It had been six months since I had engaged in any sort of copulation and the previous tryst in which I had engaged was with a Belgian-French (total coincidence) wine boy.

I had hoped that the relationship would have turned out into something creepy and romantic like in the film, L’Appartement, but alas, it ended with me throwing him out of my apartment after three minutes of terrible sex and twenty minutes of him projecting some crazy guilt onto me. All I had by which to remember him was an empty bottle of Riesling and a semen-crusted hand towel.

7 People Who Really Are Your Asian Sidekick

guest_offendersDOMINIC

Dominic Mah recently co-wrote a feature film about superheroes and sidekicks. His dream project is a rock musical version of the James Bond film “You Only Live Twice.” He is often found in karaoke bars being @dommah.

In response to the recently trending #NotYourAsianSidekick, here are seven people who actually are your Asian sidekick. Status as a POC sidekick doesn’t always mean being marginalized, objectified, and/or killed — it just USUALLY means that. But there are a few sidekick types who elevate, empower and sometimes complicate the sidekick trope by turning out to be, well, real people.

The Asian Batgirl

SIDEKICK TO: Batman and the Bat-Family

Batgirl

Cassandra Cain is one of the best melee fighters in the world, able to anticipate opponent’s movements with her superhuman ability to read body language. She is the Hapa daughter of Bat-foes David Cain and Sandra Wu-San, a.k.a. Lady Shiva. Although derived from the Dangerous Dragon Lady stereotype, Batgirl is nobody’s lotus flower, and more to the point, nobody’s Robin. She benefits from her association with the Bat-brand, but she does her own thing, has her own problems. (Main one being, her mom and dad are both assassins.) As a lithe, Asian, spin-kicking, socially self-conscious ingenue, it’s a wonder Joss Whedon hasn’t made a movie about her yet. Which brings us to….