In my everyday life, I often see the world through Woody Allen or Larry David tinted glasses (as opposed to Oprah Winfrey or Tony Robbins.) Especially in a city where people exist largely in their hermetically sealed SUVs and enclaves, I’m not always feeling the communal “we’re all in this together” vibe and it’s easy for me to get annoyed and put upon by the frustrations, the injustices, and irritations of the world. But there are these moments, when I step back and realize that I’ve been blessed with luck and other “bonus offers, “freebies”, and “gold stars” from life, and that I am not Job…God is not jabbing his finger at me and that I should in fact, show some gratitude for those things I enjoy – big and small that are good. As coined by Martha Stewart – the high priestess of perfection, here’s a shortlist of “good things”.
I’m So Rucky…
Double Happiness: Cleaning Chinese Style
My mother and grandmother both live by the mantra “cleanliness is next to godliness” and in response, I had no choice but to become an OCD pack rat. In anticipation of the rituals of Spring cleaning (I need to start early), here’s a list of some of their anal retentive ways:
1. They save all those plastic shopping bags and fold them into origami triangles so that they can be compacted. No jack in the box surprises of plastic baggies flying out of overstuffed drawers.
2. They swab down the mouthpieces of phones with alcohol to kill off any germs. A necessary procedure for households where yelling on the phone is akin to using your normal speaking voice.
The Female of the Species
In honor of Women’s History month, here’s my tribute to a few of the heroines that inspired me through film. Who are your favorite film femmes?
1. Golden Swallow of ‘Come Drink With Me’: Played by Chen Pei Pei, Golden Swallow inspired the heroines of ‘Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon’ and ‘Kill Bill’ who also give the male baddies a run for their money. But none can match her deft swordplay, footwork, and charisma.
2. Jane Craig of ‘Broadcast News’: Holly Hunter’s most iconic role and so perfectly designed for her tough, plucky energy. She was the girl who ended up with neither guy and on top of that, dumped the alpha male because she didn’t respect him. The heroine for women who cannot stomach most romantic comedies.
Bande à part
I’ve often communed with outsiders – whether they’re white, black, Asian, gay, Jewish, etc., they are the black sheep, the double agent, the freak, the geek, the offender, the one who betrays the code of their tribe, doesn’t fit into a box but, can fall into multiple boxes if you dig deeper. The common bond that I’ve enjoyed with these motley types is a familiarity with life on the outs aka rejection. It becomes a badge of honor and if things come too easily, we get paranoid. And if it’s not rejection, it’s resistance. Resistance stokes the flames in our belly, whets our appetite for a fight, and reassures us that we’re scrappy, spirited underdogs – not entitled, privileged fat cats. Yes, the by-product of all this rejection includes various neuroses, a self-deprecating sense of humor, and an unabashed fascination with things that otherwise allegedly normal human beings would find obscene, esoteric, incomprehensible, etc. But while life is unstable for outsiders, it is rarely banal, always interesting and often entertaining.
Ice Ice Baby
Though it’s no where near summer yet, thanks to wacky Los Angeles weather you can enjoy your frosty desserts pretty much any of day of the week. In my list of favorites, I have not added any frozen yogurt and that is deliberate. Fellow offender, Roger Fan became an early adopter and hardcore pusher of that drug called ‘Pink Berry’ and I joined him in those early days of mile long lines at the West Hollywood crack den – I mean, branch. I OD’ed but joined yogurt rehab and now have little interest in going back to anything that has that tart, ambiguously artificial taste of mass market frozen yogurt. Here’s my 12-step recovery program, but it’s in only 7 -
Should Have Been Nominated: The New World
I remember when Terrence Malick’s ‘The New World’ was released in December 2005, there were murmurs of this long gestating movie being overly indulgent, too slow, too long at a 150 minute running time. Eventually the film was re-released in January 2006 in a re-edited 135 minute version with some additional footage, changed voiceover and score. I saw the re-released version and was completely immersed in the film as if I were submerged in deep meditation.
I Want Candy
Despair, Inc. the company that brought you those corporate parody posters with such winning captions as “Possibilities: With Focus, Dedication, and Steroids, men can achieve impossible dreams. Like breaking a world record. Or growing their own breasts.”, also sell some wonderfully, cranky, cheeky, and depressing Valentine’s day candy collection called “Bittersweets”. Those famously chalky, lavender-scented, pastel-colored confections are no longer stamped with banal classics as “Be Mine” or “Kiss Me” but instead, showcase deadpan zingers as “Table For 1″ and “Sub Prime”. To usher in Valentine’s day – the day that is not only synonymous with love but…rejection, heartbreak, despair, apathy, etc., pass some ‘Bittersweets’ around or even better, have fun making custom jpeg valentines with their online Candy Generator. Here are some of my bitterness-inspired moments of procrastination for the day.
Double Happiness: A is for Asian and…Angst
Along with a love for food, angst tops the chart of the Asian compulsions. Here are some sources of our angst…
A is for straight As. That letter has been ingrained into our minds since we were first able to read. Anything less than an ‘A’ was akin to sacrilege.
N is for No. Whether you’re the girl seeking permission to leave the watch of the warden…I mean, your parents, or the boy asking that cheerleader to the prom, the anticipation and utterance of the word ‘No’ creates more turmoil in the gut than a daily dose of kimchi.
Fight Club
I just became obsessed with this recent blog www.oneinchpunch.net which is a collection of all sorts of unusual, perverse, and funny Asian ephemera (sound familiar?). Of course, Japan is the main source of inspiration for the site as seen in this recent blog about fluorescent tube fights. I think the fascination with fluorescent light fighting may come from the fact that it’s a mundane object with high shatter quotient and eludes to the pent-up frustration of office drones. Or maybe because they look like light sabers?
If you could see a death match with your weapon of choice, what would it be? I might pay to see Wall Street bankers smack each other down with their golf clubs.
Who’s Your Alterego?
I recently saw YOUTH IN REVOLT recently and was charmed by this nutty, teen black comedy. Adapted from the C.D. Payne novel by Gustin Nash and directed by Miguel Arteta, the movie stars Michael Cera in two roles – Nick Twisp, a love-struck, milquetoast teen and his alterego, ‘Francois’ – a swaggering, insouciant rebel sans cause. If Frenchmen could bear children and they are probably the only kind of men with the perverse sense of humor and arrogance to do so, then ‘Francois’ would be the love child of of Jean Paul-Belmondo and Serge Gainsbourg. Francois is full of nerve, cool, and stylish with zero tolerance for ‘merde’ (aka bs). Clearly, a projection of a nerd-hipster fantasy and I must say, it inspired me to daydream about being a heroine in a French film for a day too.
Pizza Pizza
No, I’ve never been to Little Caesars but their slogan is marketing genius. As for fellow offender Phil’s request for me to shortlist the pizza joints in Los Angeles, here are my favorites in no particular order:
1. Tomato Pie: I’ve hit up the one in Silverlake and Melrose, and love them both. Their ingredients taste remarkably fresh and are gourmet quality but the pizzas are far from fussy and precious. The thin crusts are crisp, yet chewy and have a rustic quality that reminds me of fresh baked baguette. I usually get a half ‘Grandma’ and half ‘Mr. White’ for that savory yin and yang effect. The Grandma has chunks of plum tomatoes, garlic, olive oil, and basil and the Mr. White is a blend of ricotta cheese, olive oil, and garlic. Both are scrumptious yet different. The acidic sweetness of the tomatoes from the Grandma are a perfect counterpart to the rich, creamy ricotta of Mr. White. Staff and owner are super cool, take genuine care in making their pizzas, and give you that special, cozy neighborhood joint attention (it helps though that I go probably once a week).
I Heart L.A.
For those of you who read fellow offender, Phil’s post about heart-shaped pizzas in Domino’s Japan and have failed to drum up the cash to cover the costs of Fedexing your pie from Japan to the Los Angeles area, have no fear – there is a local joint that can make a heart-shaped pizza.
Apparently, Valentino’s in El Segundo and Manhattan Beach make heart-shaped pizzas all year round and can hook you up. Though I am partial to my favorite joint Tomato Pie and would eat their pizza any day be it round, heart or gonad-shaped, Valentino’s is pretty solid. They use fresh ingredients and work a pretty good thin crust pie. Per their site, you need to order in advance…Amoré!
Home Sweet Home
For those who are still caught up in the drama over the Na’vi and the destruction of their Pandoran homes by the corporate military, please remove those 3-D glasses and come back to planet earth to reflect on the story of Sallie Sanders who recently claimed the keys to her new home that was built to settle one of the longest housing discrimination cases in the U.S.
Is It Safe?: God Is My Blanket
Back in the day when I was very young and going through the growing pains of childhood, the one thing that would undoubtedly give me comfort, was my security pillow. The security pillow was a hybrid of the security blanket and stuffed toy. Like a blanket, it lacked personality but for that reason, I was able to make it whatever I wanted it to be and hence, it embodied an abstract primal power that communicated ’security’ to me on some kind of deep, subconscious level. But like a stuffed toy, it was tactile and squishy and had the associative warmth and comfort of a mother’s bosom.
An Antidote to Unrequited Love
In response to my fellow offender Beverly’s post SAF Seeking…Love As The Answer, here’s my take on unrequited love.
It’s okay to love someone who doesn’t love you back so long as:
a. You are a hippie child who feels love emitting from all things plant, animal, or mineral and do not require reciprocity.
b. That someone is your child going through the ‘I hate you mommy’ stage because you are enforcing the rules.
c. You’re a masochist and it turns you on.
d. You are fulfilling a religious duty.
e. You are a method actor preparing for a recurring role in a Korean soap opera.
The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
In spite of the recent big holiday box office returns, looking back it’s been a brutal year in the film/tv business as it continues to contract. Studios have downsized and restructured in response to corporate pressures, executives have resigned themselves to the party line of churning quantifiable and branded product (ie: more and sequels and tentpoles), wages are slashed if not reduced to more ‘cheap’, ‘free, or ’spec’ work for independent contractors, and previously established specialty distributors are becoming extinct. So, when I am asked by those with film industry aspirations to offer advice and share my background (first real break working as a ‘Lloyd’-type agent assistant and then as an exec for about 10 plus years at an arthouse UK production company, specialty arm and major studio), I try to remain encouraging but also feel it’s only responsible to warn them of the risks. As a result, I end up sounding like one of those pharmaceutical ads – plugging the business and ending with a long list of disclaimers.
Double Happiness: Shopping for Little Girls Pt.2
Though I agree with my fellow offender Beverly’s post regarding the dearth of decent toys for girls today, I have to say that growing up I didn’t feel too deprived. Here are some toys that happily filled my days as a kid.
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Double Happiness: Deck the Halls With Boughs of Holly, Fa ra ra ra ra…
With relatives spread out across the globe, Christmas back home in the Bay Area is a pretty low key affair these days. However, I do remember when I was growing up, the holidays were celebrated with a special Chinese American flair. Here are some memories from back in the day…
1. The house was not filled with the melodies of Christmas carols, but rather the clacking of mah-jong tiles.
2. My parents didn’t see the point of getting a real tree – too much work transporting and disposing it. So it was all about assembling the plastic one we had in the garage. Putting it together was like building a master Lego set. Of course, this was when Lego sets were actual bricks intended to be built into grand structures of the imagination, rather than premolded parts that had to be assembled into a branded movie-related item.
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Just One Day Out of Life
What better song than Madonna’s ‘Holiday’ to get our spirits up for the season? It’s pure pop exuberance and along with this clip of Madonna performing her heart out at the Blonde Ambition tour, I could not be happier reminiscing about these times when she had not yet started to wield granite abs, parade a neutered (ex) husband, and exude cougar energy. With her girlish curls and buoyant energy, she’s the human equivalent of champagne – effervescent, playful, and intoxicating.
If you could go back in time and preserve Madonna, or any pop idol for that matter at the ideal moment, who would it be and when?
Can’t we all just get along?
Recently, I was alerted of an incident that was creating an uproar amongst the ladies at my alma mater, Wellesley College. Still an all-women’s college, Wellesley does have some visiting male students present via the 12 college exchange program which allows students from other campuses to enroll at the college and attend classes. Apparently, one of the visiting students – Jeremy Pham, from Dartmouth had reacted to an anonymous post on Wellesley’s public board (Wellesley FML – F*&k My Life) which created a sh*&t storm on campus. The post was, ”I’m the only guy on a campus of 2300 girls but I’m still not getting any. FML”.
