If I had all the money in the world, I’d remake STAR TREK with TOSHIRO MIFUNE

  • January 15, 2011 1:24 am

After the original Star Trek TV series went off the air in 1969, the show went into syndicated reruns and became the type of hit it never was during its initial run. So Paramount Pictures, the studio behind the franchise, was keen on reviving Star Trek in some form and eventually did so with 1979’s Star Trek: The Motion Picture directed by Robert Wise, best known for helming The Sound of Music.

But during the mid-‘70s, other ideas for reviving Star Trek were thrown around including a proposed second TV series as well as alternate film pitches. And if The Right Stuff director Philip Kaufman had been allowed to make his Star Trek movie, it would have starred legendary Japanese badass Toshiro Mifune (Rashomon) as the film’s Klingon nemesis.

Kaufman confirmed in a recent interview that he was indeed working on a Star Trek script (that never got made) and here’s what he said it would have been about:

My version was really built around Leonard Nimoy as Spock and Toshiro Mifune as his Klingon nemesis… My idea was to make it less “cult-ish”, and more of an adult movie, dealing with sexuality and wonders rather than oddness; a big science fiction movie, filled with all kinds of questions, particularly about the nature of Spock’s [duality]-exploring his humanity and what humanness was. To have Spock and Mifune’s character tripping out in outer space. I’m sure the fans would have been upset, but I felt it could really open up a new type of science fiction.  Read more...

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Humanity is not lost

  • October 20, 2010 2:41 pm

Remember this test… If you found a bag of money, what would you do?  a)  Keep it,  b) Turn it into lost and found,  c)  Leave it at the same place found.

Well, I had the privilege to give someone that opportunity.  I lost my wallet this Saturday in a mall… I noticed it gone twenty minutes ago and rushed back to the mall… what da ya know… GONE!  Gone baby gone!

I canceled all my cards, but I have to deal with the DMV, insurance, medical and all that crap.  Crap, crap, crap!  Read more...

3 Comments on Humanity is not lost

Snacks Asian Style

  • September 23, 2010 12:00 am

What do you consider a snack?

Fruits?  Chips?  Candy bar?

How about mustard covered peas?  Spicy ginger?  Dried clams?

I was recently back to Hawai’i for my grandmother’s funeral (another story) and needed to bring back some goods for my friends, you know… macadamia nuts, guava cookies and stuff.  But when I was a kid that stuff kinda sucked.

My favorites…

Haw flakes – Fruit of the Chinese hawthorne

Li Hing Mui – Salted dried plum

Arare – Rice crackers with soy sauce (da best)

So weird that these snacks are normal for me and I would eat them in public.  So the next time you see someone (like me) on the streets eating dried clams… don’t be grossed out… ask to try one and see!  Read more...

15 Comments on Snacks Asian Style

I suck at basketball

  • September 16, 2010 11:34 am

Here in LA everyone likes basketball… no, loves is the better word.  I like watching it during the finals.  I like seeing highlights kids in high school who accidentally make a shot from cross court and I like the cheerleaders… expressing their artistic dance.  That’s the extent of it for me.

How is it that everyone wants me to be involved even though they know I don’t really endear it that much?  I’m 6 feet tall… so why am I picked to play at my middle school mini league?  I’m a geek/nerd… so am I good at fantasy basketball?  Almost every conversation I get into always ends up talking about basketball gossip.  AM I FORCED TO LIKE THIS SPORT?  Read more...

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TECH TECH TECH

  • September 14, 2010 5:27 pm

We all love our smart phones, our laptops, our gear… our TECH!  We need it, we love it and we lust over it.

I was born with wires in my soul.  I always got the latest and the greatest to fill the need of being first and ahead in tech.  WHY?  It made my life easier… right?

I’m sitting with my friend in my favorite ramen house called “Quickly” in Alhambra (plugging away) and we’re ready to devour some ono-licious food.  I then get an email to make an emergency edit on a video and it had to be done now.  I’m about to eat and my friend is here and my home is 5 miles away… what to do?  Read more...

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Ice Cakes with Love

  • May 27, 2010 7:31 am

Let me preface this blog by saying that Hawaii is my home and one of the things that make this the best State in the world is our culture and food… and our food is the best! From chicken lau lau to loco moco, sweet bread to haupia cake and shave ice to ice cakes… hmmmmmm I take that back on the ice cakes.

What is an ice cake? Take a simple small plastic cup. Put your flavored syrup and water and freeze it. That’s it! It’s sold around the island and has been around since can I remember.  Read more...

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If I had all the money in the world, I’d remake ROMANTIC CLASSICS with JIN and SUN from LOST

  • May 10, 2010 2:40 pm

SPOILER ALERT: If you haven’t seen last week’s episode of Lost and don’t want to know what happened, skip the text.

When the television series Lost premiered six years ago, there was a fair amount of criticism from some in the Asian American community about the way Jin and Sun, the Korean couple played by Daniel Dae Kim and Yunjin Kim, were portrayed. Jin seemed to be little more than the stereotypical domineering Korean male while Sun was meek and submissive. I remember Daniel telling me at the time that he hoped people would give the show and the characters a chance to evolve. The audience did and the characters did change—eventually becoming the romantic heart of the show and providing something all too rare in Hollywood: a real love story between an Asian man and an Asian woman.

So when Jin and Sun met their deaths last week, there was shock, outrage and grief—an outpouring of genuine emotion for what may have arguably been one of the series’ most moving moments. As we countdown this month to Lost’s final episode, Offender David and I pay tribute to one of the great small screen romances by imagining Jin/Daniel and Sun/Yunjin as the leads in six of cinema’s most memorable romantic films.
–Philip

 Read more...

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Han Art

  • April 22, 2010 8:21 am

I’m a big geek of all things that are geek worthy out on this planet… but I’m especially a comic book geek. In the past two years I’ve been following my new addiction of Adrian Tomine’s illustrated stories (no mutants or mad scientist here) and if anyone has seen his artwork, it’s worthy of a gold frame. So, to my surprise while skimming through his recent sketchbook I find this one piece…

It was a cool looking asian guy holding money in a school setting. Almost instantly I knew that this was from “Better Luck Tomorrow” and used in the New Yorker magazine. I’m sure if we played pictionary and I drew the 3 descriptions I mentioned… you’d be guessing “Long Duk Dong” from “Sixteen Candles”. That’s why Adrian’s drawings are so distinct and that you can’t help but find familiarity and connection to his works. He has done many one piece movie illustrations, but if you had watched BLT you will know that this simple looking art work is not that simple to create such a significant snapshot summary of the movie.  Read more...

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Super Hot Album Covers…YOMYOMF Flavah Edition

  • March 29, 2010 2:47 am

Offender Alfredo recently blogged about his choices for Super Hot Album Covers and that made me think about my favorite album covers and how they might relate to some of the key people who have helped define YOMYOMF. So with the help of fellow Offender and photoshop guru/master/bad ass mofo David, here’s a reimagining of these album covers injected with a little bit of YOMYOMF flavah to kick off an otherwise gloomy Monday. Have a great week and keep offending, my friends!

BEATLES “Meet The Beatles”
Featuring Justin, Sung, Roger and Dustin Nguyen

Although this was technically the Beatles’ second U.S. album, it was the one that introduced most Americans to the Fab Four. So I thought it would be fitting to kick things off by mashing-up that album cover with the men from Offender Justin’s film Finishing The Game. For our readers who don’t know, youoffendmeyouoffendmyfamily.com was the original Finishing The Game website. Instead of shutting down the site after the film was released, Justin had the idea of turning it into a blog and the rest is history mildly interesting trivia. So “meet” the faces of the men who inadvertently gave birth to YOMYOMF.  Read more...

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If I had all the money in the world, I’d remake BACK TO THE FUTURE, THE TERMINATOR and HIGHLANDER with KEN JEONG

  • March 22, 2010 1:30 am

There may be no other Asian American actor in recent memory who has sparked as much controversy in our community than Ken Jeong but, as he demonstrates every week on NBC’s Community, he is also one of the funniest dudes around—Asian or not. But like other comedians before him, Ken may one day decide it’s time to stretch as an artist and prove himself in other genres: maybe as a romantic leading man or an action hero or even a cyborg killer from the future. Here are some remakes we think would be perfect for him should he ever choose to pursue this new career path:

BACK TO THE FUTURE (1985)
Ken Jeong as Marty McFly (originally played by Michael J. Fox)

In this version, Ken travels 30 years into the past to 1980—a time of disco, casual sex with no consequences and key parties. His future mom (played by Charlie’s Angel Lucy Liu) is a hard-partying slut who won’t give geeky future dad (played by Gedde Watanabe as Sixteen Candles’ Long Duk Dong) the time of day. Bif, dad’s romantic rival for mom’s affection, is no longer a dumb jock, but a sensitive and misunderstood singer/songwriter (played by Twilight’s Robert Pattinson) who brings his acoustic guitar to school dances, broods in dark corners and plays Jim Croce songs.  Read more...

14 Comments on If I had all the money in the world, I’d remake BACK TO THE FUTURE, THE TERMINATOR and HIGHLANDER with KEN JEONG

If I had all the money in the world, I’d remake BETTER LUCK TOMORROW with WHITE PEOPLE

  • March 15, 2010 12:17 am

If Better Luck Tomorrow had never been made, this blog would probably never have existed and you’d be sitting in front of your computer right now thinking, “Man, I feel this emptiness in my life like something’s missing, but I just don’t know what it is.” But luckily for you, the film was made, directed by fellow Offender Justin and starring fellow Offenders Roger and Sung, and we do exist to help push that empty feeling back into the void with your other buried neuroses.

But Better Luck Tomorrow could have also easily been a different movie altogether. Justin was originally offered the money to make his film by investors if he could do just one little thing…change the characters from Asian American to Caucasian. He obviously refused, but perhaps in an alternate universe, that world’s Justin Lin was so sick and tired of eating ramen three meals a day and carrying a six-figure credit card debt that he decided to accept the offer. In which case, Better Luck Tomorrow might have looked like this:

 Read more...

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If I had all the money in the world, I’d remake WHEN HARRY MET SALLY with PRESIDENT OBAMA and JUSTICE SAMUEL ALITO

  • March 11, 2010 12:49 am


It all started back in January’s State of the Union Address, when President Obama cited the Citizens United v. FEC decision and voiced his concerns that it opened the nation up to the undue influence of special interests, a visibly annoyed Justice Samuel Alito rolled his eyes and mouthed the words “not true.”  Read more...

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