SAF Seeking… Cat Love

  • March 19, 2012 12:48 pm

Ah LOVE!

Oh the glories of sleeping next to the man I love! Nookie at night, nookie by day, nookie on call! At night we fall asleep while staring deeply into each other’s eyes and sharing deep pillow talk: “You’re so beautiful.” “No, you’re beautiful!” “You smell good.” YOU smell good!” In the morning, I am greeted by butterfly kisses, tickles, and a morning cup of tea brought cheerfully to my still-crusty-morning-eyes. “You’re so beautiful.” “No, YOU’RE beautiful!!” “You’re so cute when you wake up.” “No, YOU’RE cute…”

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Giggles! Laughing! Intertwined tanned and impossibly smoothly shaved limbs tangled in Downy-scented freshly-washed and softly-pastelled 1500 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets! Hardwood floors! Skylights! It’s like a commercial for lotion. Everything is PURRRRFECT!  Read more...

2 Comments on SAF Seeking... Cat Love

“The end of Innocence and the Entrance of Distrust” OR “Scientology Wins”???

  • March 12, 2012 11:56 am

Precious life, given and taken.

Heavy Monday.

It’s grey outside, a rarity in otherwise sunny Southern California. And the world feels grey.  Read more...

1 Comment on "The end of Innocence and the Entrance of Distrust" OR "Scientology Wins"???

SAF Seeking… Learning Man-Speak, Lesson #1

  • March 5, 2012 11:41 am

Oh, so that's a hexagonal prybar. Is that for opening your car when you forget your keys?

“It has to be 15mm,” I announce loudly.

“That’s stupid,” he grunts.

“That’s what it says,” I insist.

He looks up, his eyes searching for weakness in mine. I stare back defiantly, or as best as I could. I relent. My voice quavers, “Well, it says TWELVE to fifteen millimeters…”

This is one of those Mexican stand-offs for co-habitating sinning couples: the installation of the bedroom hardwood floors.  Read more...

2 Comments on SAF Seeking... Learning Man-Speak, Lesson #1

SAF Seeking… Landing in LA

  • February 27, 2012 12:55 pm

Where the hell????

Drove to work this morning while the LA sun battled with the LA haze to shine more particles on us hapless car zombies below. This was strange. There was no traffic. What is usually a 50+ minute car commute to me, was strangely pleasant. Usually I’m crawling at 15 mph with an occasional “Hey, what the hell! Use your turn signal!” immediate brake here and there. I’m humming along at 65 mph at 8:30am, very odd. I even get off my exit (Glendale Blvd) and no traffic. Usually it’s a sea of red lights bottlenecking themselves into 2 lanes (down from 5) and at least one homeless man with a sign that says, “God Bless You!” walking from driver’s side window to the next, giving you the eye and hoping to catch a moment of insecurity from you. I’m whizzing along. I’m actually on the streets of downtown LA now, and I’m actually driving fast enough to pass the bicyclists. (Rare, indeed!) I’m a bit unnerved. Is it a holiday? Wasn’t President’s Day last week?

Empty Glendale Blvd... where are my fellow car sufferers????  Read more...

3 Comments on SAF Seeking... Landing in LA

SAF Seeking… Middle Ground

  • February 20, 2012 11:51 am

Ahh, my ears are bleeding!

I was yelled at while at work. The reason for my yelling?

I don’t speak Spanish.

Yes, I was one of those unfortunate people who took French in high school and continued with it in college. I tried in vain to take Spanish while taking French for a while, but trying to learn two languages that are similar and yet so different had me mixing my words and lowering my test scores so I stopped. Figure I’d read more Moliere anyway.  Read more...

8 Comments on SAF Seeking... Middle Ground

Be nice to Whitney Houston.. she’s dead.

  • February 11, 2012 10:24 pm

Girl was hot in her day!

I’m sitting in a hotel in San Antonio, TX. I’ve been flying for 6 hours (thanks Work for always getting me the worst flights so that you keep your costs down!) and I’m trying to unwind by eating my $14.00 airport Waldorf salad while watching some kind of episode of Teen Mom 2 on MTV. (I don’t own a television in real life, so when I get a chance to boob tube it, I find it quite foreign and exhilarating.) And what’s that scrolling across the bottom? Whitney Houston…R and B superstar… is found DEAD?!?!?!

You’ve got to be flippin’ kidding!

Why do I feel so sad?  Read more...

3 Comments on Be nice to Whitney Houston.. she's dead.

Happiness? Bah humbug!!!

  • January 15, 2012 3:05 pm

Now that's a cover that will sell magazines indeed!!!


Happiness makes for bad writing.

What does one write about when all your dreams have come true? When the person in front of you surpasses your ideals and your expectations? When the house is warm and comfy and the cat is well fed and the sex is good and dinners are attentive and gifts are showered, what does one write about?

No one wants to read a happy diary.

No one wants to read about happiness. It’s un-American. “Life, liberty, and the PURSUIT of happiness.” To have FOUND happiness and to live it is… Buddhist or Zen, but definitely not American.  Read more...

6 Comments on Happiness? Bah humbug!!!

Goodbye SF! A greatest hits list

  • January 8, 2012 9:17 am

I'm dying in here!!!!


I sat in the car, my cat on my lap, yowling in her cat carrier. My new love was driving my car packed with 30+ years of clothing, shoes, and backpacking equipment. It was 5 1/2 hours to my new life in LA. And as we crossed over the Bay Bridge in sparkling 50 degree winter sunshine, my thoughts raced:

Goodbye SF! Goodbye Mission Cliffs! Goodbye Planet Granite with your walls overlooking the bay! Goodbye Chad Herst, best mysore yoga teacher ever! Goodbye running on Bernal Hill!

Da view from the top!

 Read more...

13 Comments on Goodbye SF! A greatest hits list

SAF Seeking… First Meetings on Repeat

  • January 1, 2012 10:53 am

Sex happens HERE!


Imagine a snow lodge. A hostel style lodge out in the Lake Tahoe area. Where people can get a discounted night’s stay if they do one single chore per day. It has a hot tub for those apres-ski days. It attracts lots of young adventurous types… mostly long-haired scruffy-chinned boys who can quote Proust and give you the ingredients to a good absinthe cocktail. And girls who wear those hats with the ears and Ugg boots. Sexy young sexuals all colliding into bunk rooms and closet-like cubicles with two beds masquerading as private bedrooms.

Into this mix, throw in a few budget seeking travelers.  Read more...

3 Comments on SAF Seeking... First Meetings on Repeat

SAF Seeking… Happy Elephant Trunk

  • December 18, 2011 7:53 am

Who's a lucky elephant?!

“And the sex is sooooo gooooood!” my friend ‘Jasmine’ gushed. “He’s so humble and quiet in public, but in bed he’s so confident and strong. He just knows how to pick me up and throw me around.”

We were driving down the 101 on a two hour journey. We were both trail runners and we’d heard of this amazing trail near Monterey that was apparently epic. But what was more epic was that Jasmine… was in love!

“And he has this curved.. no, BENT!…penis.” She added. I nodded. Oh, I’ve had experiences with the mighty flesh scimitar. The last one gave my ovaries a run for their money; they were constantly skewered. Which means a lot when you think of how off to the SIDE the ovaries are placed.  Read more...

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Goodbye SF! Boy, I lovez ya! (Part 1)

  • December 12, 2011 9:20 am

I freakin LOVE this place!

I’m almost near my last San Francisco days. I’ve completed all auditions, all assignments, and almost all freelance work contracts. I only need now to pack up my important things, my cat, and throw it all into a waiting U-Haul truck… and drive down into the arms of some crazy guy in LA who says he loves me. I got three weeks to do it.

But because of this, I just want to share what make the SF Bay Area so freakin’ fantastic.. despite the huge panhandling population and the urine soaked streets. Because truthfully, this is my Valhalla, where city and nature collide and actually work in harmony.  Read more...

1 Comment on Goodbye SF! Boy, I lovez ya! (Part 1)

Around the Horn: Who wants an orgasm?!

  • December 5, 2011 2:30 pm

Pleasure, whichever way you find it.

I was having drinks with a great girlfriend “Gina”, discussing our various men in our lives and sex in general. (Yup, just another day at the office.) She’s 30-something, beautiful, witty, smart, talented, and in general, one of those girls who’s got it all.

Then Gina dropped the bomb on me: she’s never had an orgasm.

"Beige, yes, I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

Okay, that sounds a bit black and white, and I am sensationalizing it. She’s had an orgasm, sure… once or twice with an old boyfriend FROM LONG AGO… but not with her current beau. And she wondered openly, “Do you think that’s a reason why guys break up with me?”  Read more...

3 Comments on Around the Horn: Who wants an orgasm?!