Ever had some balls that needed cleaning? Tried using different methods but was never satisfied? If you’ve tried the rest, now try the best…
Senior Year Mix Tape
The other night I had the most vivid dream about my high school senior year. It was both scary and hilarious because my dream was about this one crush I had with a cheerleader that was in my English class. I would always let her cut in line at lunch, help her with her homework, and give her wake up calls thru pager language every morning. Yea, I basically would do anything to talk to this girl. But I knew the only way to win her over was through song. So this dream I had consist of me making the ultimate 80’s and 90’s mix tape. There is def an art form into creating this perfect blend of seduction and sexual innuendo. And I had all of my older brother’s music at my disposal. The first song would have to start off with a bang. Then the second song had to top the first. The third song would be tricky cuz you’d have to bring it down a notch but still keep the mood right. I wouldn’t say this is my perfect mix but def a great find on youtube.
What would you add to the mix…from that era of course?
Call of Duty
The other day my Navy buddy drove through Los Angeles on his way to his new duty station in Washington state. We served together in San Diego a while back and did three tours in the Persian Gulf and one in Central America. We also enlisted in the military almost at the same time and to hear he only has seven more years to retirement was pretty shocking. RETIREMENT! Damn, I wouldn’t even be forty yet had I stuck it out and did my twenty. He was pretty emotional because he was leaving his wife and two kids behind in San Diego. I remembered and experienced that kind of feeling before and I never wish that upon anyone. But we both knew that’s the kind of thing you have to do when you sign your life away.
February is Over!
Ever wonder why February only has 28 days? Well actually I didn’t even really think about it until I woke today at noon and thought, holy crap its March already. The calendar first started with only 10 months, March thru December. Hence the Latin meanings for SEPtember, OCTober, NOVember, and DECember as 7, 8, 9, 10. But when the total days of the year added up to only 304 days, the Romans knew they f’d up. So they added two more months to the END of the year, January and February, to get to 355 days. After years and years of debates they finally settled with what we have now as January as the first month and December as the last, making each month almost an even amount of days. But since February was the last month created, it got the shaft with 28 days.
But how do you remember which months have 31 days and which don’t. Well here’s trick I picked up in the Navy by using your knuckles. Every knuckle is 31 and every valley is not 31. Easy right…as long as you know your months in order. But why does July and August have back to back 31 days. Well both Julius and Augustus Caesar wanted months to be renamed after them when they were rulers. And of course, they both wanted 31 days. Damn Romans think they can do anything.
LOST AND HEROES HATE BLACK PEOPLE
I’ve always thought that the token asian characters on television had the bad wrap. Well they do but so do other minorities. And Andre from this first video shows how Lost and Heroes hate black people. That’s right, hate! But I bet if we were in China, the first guy to die on my tv series would be the white guy ie. minority. Sorry Andre, Tyler Perry can’t write and direct every tv show and movie. All I can say is that at least you have an awesome commercial by Old Spice starring a black guy. Be proud of that.
Vancouver Olympics
If you’re as excited as I am, tonight kicks off the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics. Snowboarding, downhill skiing, and the short track are just some of the many dangerous and entertaining events we all have to look forward to. Of course, no country will ever top the opening ceremonies of Beijing having two thousand and eight kids doing everything in unison (except maybe themselves) but the winter Olympics definitely has more edge to it. Which event could send someone to the hospital? The luge or the ski jumping? Even the 15km cross country skiing looks crazy. Maybe one of the tights could rip and you’re stuck out there bare ass in twenty below weather. Every athlete from all walks will be put to the test to call themselves the best in the world. I only wish they had something for the common man like cooking the perfect ramen bowl as an Olympic event. Ever try toasting your ramen hmmmm? I could really showcase my own talent.
What event are you looking forward to? If you could make up your own event, what would it be?
How It Should Have Ended
Ever watched a movie and thought to yourself “This ending is ridiculous!” or “Why didn’t they just do this?”. Well the funny and creative guys from How It Should Have Ended created a season full of animated parody movie endings that had me cracking up. And when I saw their take on Terminator, I knew there was pure genius behind these ideas.
What’s a movie ending you thought needed a little changing?
With My Own Two Hands
I wanted to share with you a video I saw recently made by some good friends I worked on from Fast and Furious. Their efforts in helping Haiti is truly inspiring and touching. Have a great weekend!
http://www.vimeo.com/9163752Coffee Girl of the Day
This past weekend, YOMYOMF Offenders Phil, Anderson, Emmie and I took a field trip to some Vietnamese Coffee House’s in the O.C.
As I’m growing more grey hairs on the side of my head, I realize what qualities are more important in my dream woman. I know every “nice guy” is trained to say its her personality and in normal world it’s quite true. But in bizarro Vietnamese Coffee house world, the most important quality is not her personality but rather her passion in tea pouring.
Mexican Craving
Being back in the states after a short time away in Asia has been a windy, over priced, but stomach satisfying start. Of course I can eat beef noodles, rice plates, hot pot, street food, and deep fried bugs til my heart contents. But while I was traveling abroad, I truly missed some of my favorite, easy to get, taken for granted type meals. On the top of my list would be Mexican food…specifically carne asada fries and a wet burrito. I can’t wait to get to the bay for a Gordo’s quesadilla and My Taco down the street.
What kind of food do you miss and crave while you are away from home?
My First Black Stallion
The first car that I ever owned was a black 1992 Volkswagen Jetta. While I was stationed in Great Lakes near Chicago, I was a young 18 year old seaman apprentice in the military, and I took out my first car loan to buy this used black stallion at a Saturn dealership. I felt so pimp driving my own car with bucket seats, blasting the stock radio to 2Pac, and sliding my tires around in the snow with my shinny brand new driver’s license. I have a million stories about so many crazy times that came out of that stallion but its also how I became so good at fixing cars. I took that baby from Chicago to Virginia, then cross country to San Diego. The most craziest story I want to share was driving back down from San Fran to San Diego.
What was your first car and what kinda great memories does it draw out?
Good Ways to Cheat
In the past month in Asia, I’ve been spending some time sitting in on a friend’s Oral Communication English class. I figure it would be cool to lend my help twice a week and see the inside of a classroom again..especially when the cute girls follow the university’s uniform code by wearing short black mini skirts. I’ll be honest, my close friends rag on me on how horrible my English grammar and spelling are but Webster’s dic(t) ain’t got shit on me out here. I remember back in middle school I use to cheat my ass off. (so sorry to those teachers whom I can’t remember their names) But I swear, in my defense, I was the kid who went out first round in every classroom spelling bee contest and can’t read for shit, so failing wasn’t in my vocabulary box.
So I wonder what’s been a good clever way to cheat in class? And for all you iwouldnevercheatonatestnorhelpmyfellowclassfriend, what would be a way to prevent your students from cheating? I fully agree with this picture I found online.
Livin Asia pt.7 – Thai Massage Guide
I’ve sorta been abusing my financial power in getting frequent massages here in Thailand and have quickly become a guru in the art. So here are my important tips and thai phrases that will help with your relaxation if you ever find yourself in Southeast Asia or just in the new Bangkok airport.
Livin Asia pt.6 – Snapshot A
Fellow Offender Anderson inspired me in his recent pictures from Taipei to post a few random pics of my own. Plus blogging is fuckin hard. Its so the hardest shit ever. haha. I’m truly inspired by my fellow Offenders when I wake up in the morning and get to read their new entries.
Lake of Chiang Mai University – where friends hang out and students practice their English out loud.
Feeding ten thousand monks at six in the morning.
Livin Asia pt.5 – Mo Money, Mo Money
Everyone knows how much the US dollar has gotten weaker over the past few years. I remember traveling through Europe back in 2003 and how affordable things were. But now, the euro and pound just laugh at the tiny weak dollar. BUT…great news readers, the dollar is still quite strong in Asia from the sheer fact of low cost service, dining at 5 star street food stands, or not having to tip makes us still the Bill Gates out here. Ok maybe not Japan or Korea or even Bill Gates. Maybe more like Ryan Seacrest with a smaller nose and less annoying. But my best “money” story is from China and starts off catching up with my travel buddy Chuck (ear cleaning advice guy).
Livin Asia pt.4 – Ear Cleaning
Growing up, I had a major problem with my ear wax build up. I have no idea for what reasons though; whether I was Asian or if I was just a dirty kid or maybe ants would crawl in there to build a nest while i was sleeping at night. Who knows? I remember at least once a week my mom would clean them out and it almost felt like an inner massage. Most of the time it felt great but sometimes it could get painful. I finally shared this embarrassing problem with a few close friends and my cousin and they all had the same problem too. Weird! I met up with my good friend (lets call him Chuck) in Asia and he’s had serious ear wax problems ever since traveling through Asia. Chuck heard its a combination of the humidity in the weather, the pollution, and maybe us being Asian. Interesting! But then Chuck asked, “Have you ever gotten them cleaned out in Asia”? Of course, I said no. Chuck said, “Dude, you gotta try it out!”
Livin Asia pt.3 – Words to Live By
I love trying to learn new languages when I’m traveling through a foreign country. I’m never really the type to be shy saying it wrong because that way I can learn from my mistakes faster. If someone was trying to learn English, I totally would understand their struggle and help them build their confidence in any way I can. And when I’m traveling, knowing how to say the food is key…especially the way I love to eat. But the other day I ran into a huge discovery. I was trying to find some fried bananas. If you ever run across them, you must try it. In thai, it sounds like “guay tod” but I kept saying “quay tod”. After repeatedly asking around for it and tons of laughter from the locals, booyah, I found it. At first I thought they were laughing because of my horrible thai sounding tones. Let’s face it, I would laugh at myself too. But then when I told my thai friend this story of my journey for “quay tod”, she finally explained to me I was asking everyone where to find fried penis! Hmm, no wonder the lady boy asked for my number.
Livin Asia pt2 – Poppin a Squat
Next to having a chinese pony tail or wearing slippers all day, the art of the squatter is probably one of the most lost traditions of our time. I, for one am a true believer and lover of the squatter. Its obviously the same concept as doing it in the bushes while camping but in Asia, squatters have not evolved much throughout the years. Though honestly, something about squatting makes me feel like I truly got everything out of me. A pure cleansing if you will. Since most cities in Asia still have very old plumbing systems, you’d be lucky to find a Western toliet. So preparation is a must. Lets explain.
Power – Dead in the Water
We were off the coast of Guatemala in early 2002. Stopped for a quick liberty port while some of the crew were performing maintenance on the ship (stationed on the USS Oldendorf). Our mission for the next three months was Drug Ops aka catch go-fast drug boats trying to smuggle anything illegal up the coast into North America. (details and pics of the drug ops for a later post) Little did most of the crew knew, the ship was dead in the water. Completely blacked out . All engines dead, generators off, no ac, no water, zip, zero. The crew who were standing duty (the third who protected the ship while the rest were on land) had to sleep on the outside skin of the ship, even piss and shit off the side of the boat. We were literally defensively and the captain was seconds away of being relieved of his duty. So what did any good naval crew do…save the captain’s ass!
Livin Asia pt.1 – A Bugs Life
My version of a truly relaxing vacation is a place in Northern Thailand called Chiang Mai. It may be a kept secret for most but those who know this place can instantly relate to the calmness, relaxation, and humbleness this city brings you. If Bangkok were Los Angeles, then Chiang Mai is San Francisco… hence my second home. But since I like to keep things super interesting, I decided to get a little wild here to add some spice, in this case, saltiness to this blog.
