I hesitate to post this youtube video only because I fear spreading ignorance farther, but it’s such a lovely look into self-involvement, I had to do it. She’s like a breath of fresh hot air.
To tip, or not to tip?
My mom and dad had no idea of the concept. I remember my mom leaving a few quarters and waving happily to the waiter at Sizzler as we left, our purses secretly stuffed with extra cheese toast and extra fruit from the salad bar. She’d say, “Thank you! It was wonderful!” as we walked out, also stealing more fruit as we walk past the salad bar. ”By the way, waiter? Can we have just a few more pieces of cheese toast? For the road? (Bat eyelashes.)”
Tipping. It’s the bane of being Asian-American, our forefathers have tipped so badly that people think that we, as a collective, are cheap sons-of-bitches. I had a Chinese ex-boyfriend who would leave insanely huge amounts of money as a tip because he wanted America to know that “not all Chinese people are cheap!” (He was a lovely guy btw.)
Trust me, I’ve fought many times with my mother. “Here in America, we tip the service if we liked how they treated us…” “Why? It’s their job!” “I know mom, but they make less so they’re expected to make up their wages in tips.” “That’s not my fault they decided to take that job!”
That’s basically the fight. -”In America we tip, ” -”That’s their fault.”
I have opinions on tipping. They’re completely biased because I spent many years working hard as a waiter (or as a ‘server’ as they are now called). I have endured people telling me that what I did was work a monkey could do (and implying that I must have the intelligence of Mr. Chips). I have had people treat me like moving furniture… until they met me at a party of a mutual friend’s. (There is a now-famous actor who once spoke to me as if I was someone who only understood the barest of English. Imagine his surprise when he started dating my best friend! Boy, did he try to win points with me…) I still judge people by the way they treat hired help… after being ‘hired help’ for so long, I can see where someone’s perception of another person’s humanity stops.
What it comes down to is: I didn’t make the system. I just bought into the system. The system, as it stands in America, is “when you go out to eat at a sit-down restaurant and the service is good, you tip 15% or higher.” So when I go out, if I can’t afford to tip, I eat fast-food. Period. No questions.
Now I know a lot of people who think that system should be changed. Sure! I agree. But take that up with the owner, not the waiter who is frantically running back and forth trying to talk to you and to a surly kitchen staff at the same time.
What do you think about tipping?
Tipping? huh…
well, in Asia, especially during our parent’s generation, the concept of tipping did not even exist. it’s not that older asians are lousy tippers. it’s just a thing that they didn’t grow up with. in fact, in some asian countries, if you try to tip, it’s offensive.
as for in America? my opinion on tipping?
tipping in it’s original concept i am in full support of. tipping was a mutually agreed upon arrangement between server and customer at the beginning of a professional encounter. it provided an unspoken understanding that the customer would have a guaranteed pleasant experience and the server would garner a premium to provide that service. OR, the server knew that by providing a pleasant experience for the customer, he/she would receive a financial benefit. Personally, I think customer and server are equal. Sometimes the server will go out and become the customer and vice versa. I hate nothing more than when a customer treats the server as if they were of lower status and “supposed to serve”.
unfortunately, the concept of tipping has evolved…or perhaps a better term is “devolved” into an entirely different thing. a social war has evolved between server and customer. i think it’s reflective of our society at large today – we have, as a nation, become a populous of the entitled. and as a result, have lost a great deal of respect for out fellow person – especially in a retail or restaurant setting. some of the nicest people i know become the biggest jerks when i sit down with them at a restaurant. they treat servers as a feudal lord would treat a slave – no eye contact, no thank you’s, etc. i am always floored by this. these are some of my closest friends with great hearts & souls but they virtually forget their humanity when they sit down in a restaurant. They would never treat their mother’s like that. (btw, if you are my good friend and i get really quiet at a restaurant when we’re together, you now know the reason for my silence) And this does not help the server side. They too have become the entitled and that tip is expected and no longer earned. whether this is a result of being treated like shit by entitled customers, i don’t know. chicken or the egg. at the end of the day, all of this would cease of both parties could just laugh and realize that there should not be any social/economic status disparity between server & customers. we’re all just playing different roles in the same play of life.
tipping can be a beautiful thing as long as we all see each other as equals.
I am always nice to people who handle my food. I worked in a restaurant and learned not to piss waiters off. Apoplectic waiters could spit and do all kinds of nasty stuff to your food. Besides, most waiters can’t survive on their measly salary without generous tips.
Tipping for cabs is something I don’t get. I can’t think of a good reason why we should tip. We don’t tip bus drivers. Then why cab drivers?
Yeah.. Tipping in LA is just the norm, but what sucks is if you get lousy service and can’t not tip bcuz what if they just write you off as not topping because you are Asian?
Worst off are the buffet waiters/waitresses (because I was one a loong time ago)- pple don’t tip because it’s “self serve” but we’re hauling all the dirty dishes away. I always try to leave a couple bucks at buffets..
While I’m so used to tipping, in Taiwan where it’s not expected that you tip that I sometimes find myself trying to leave a tip (especially if it was an awesome and cheap meal) and have had it refused many times.
I do agree I’ve never understood the logic of aspects of tipping and why certain businesses are tip-worthy and others aren’t. However, I understand how important tips are to the financial survival of those on the receiving end so in most cases, tipping should be generous. However, I have had a few instances where the service was beyond bad and apathetic. And yeah, I fucked them on the tip but since ALL of these establishments were Asian restaurants, don’t need to worry about them thinking Asians are bad tippers.
The challenge with tipping etiquette is that the entitlement can go both ways. Customers believe that having quality service should be included within the price of the meal and servers believe that they should be tipped the standard 15-20% to compensate for lower salaries regardless of whether their service warrants it.
The other issue with tipping practices in the U.S., is that it’s not rational. I remember reading a surprising study where servers would adjust the quality of service to evaluate whether it affected their tips and it was discovered that the amount tipped did not correlate with quality of service. The conclusion was that tipping is ultimately based on the customer’s habits and whims, not on a measured evaluation of service. And in looking at my tipping patterns, I have to agree. I pretty much tip between 18-20% – doubling the sales tax and rounding up or down depending on how much change I’m carrying or how flush I am that week. I will lower or increase the amount by a large margin only if the service is exceptionally good or bad and more importantly, if I expect to return.
In an ideal scenario, it would be great for servers to all have fair wages and for tipping to be optional – an opportunity for customers to reward good service rather than support the employer’s interests to maintain low overhead. But the reality is that like most businesses, workers are being shortchanged so that consumers and employers can have cheap goods and services. The problem with tipping is that it maintains the illusion of a fair system, when it’s fundamentally broken. Short of creating a server’s union that requires a certain base pay and benefits, the other strategy is to have customers receive the kind of service that reflects the wage that servers are being paid. This way businesses that have good service either by increasing prices or wages will stand apart from their competitors. It’s possible that like the airlines, customers will always chose cheapest over better. But I suspect that with something like restaurant dining which is experienced at greater frequency, is generally cheaper, and considered a leisure or privileged activity customers would be willing to pay a little more for a better experience.
wow Elaine,
you impress me with your economic psychology
I always tip 20% unless the service is horrible. It’s not that I’m full of money but servers do really live on tips – especially those that work in Chinese restaurants that routinely have some of their pays deducted by their employer/landlord/visa sponsor for “uniform fees” or “cleaning fees” or no reason at all. It’s one thing to stiff the waitress at Red Robbin that probably lives at home with her parent and will do ok without your $4 but quite another to cheapskate your fellow Asian Americans immigrants that are living in indenture servitude to bring you dim sum… all in the hopes that their kids will not grow up pushing dim sum carts.
I never noticed if my mom was a lousy tipper. Actually, we rarely ate inside a restaurant, except the occasional birthday at a Filipino or Chinese restaurant (and that didn’t even happen every year). We always picked up food from some place and brought it to the house. Hey… maybe she was trying to AVOID tipping by avoiding restaurants? I have no clue.
But I can tell you why I tip: I am grateful that the server is doing this thankless job because I wouldn’t want it. It’s not that I feel like I’m better than them; I don’t have the patience and skill to grin and bear all the crappy attitude they have to endure. I can’t do that job. I am truly thankful for those who can so I can having a pleasant dining experience.
I too tip at least 20% to compensate for some paranoia about my cheap ass predecessors. But even worse is Joan’s dilemma about small tips resulting from bad service… maybe write a note on the receipt saying, “I had a 20 burning a hole in my pocket, and it would have been yours if you didn’t cop that shitty attitude”? Not that I’ve done this.
Ok, being a server, manager, bartender, and customer, I think I might have insight. My fellow coworkers in the past, some assume you should automatically tip 15 or higher no matter what. I have been their manager and fellow server/bartender at different times, and I can honestly say that I would not leave them more than 10% because I know how they are. But on the otherside, I know I have gone above and beyond to serve and been left 8 to 5% because honestly I think its just the whim of people.
When I have in the past estimated my good tips compared to bad/ or no tip, its like 80% tip appropriate to really good, and 20% who are in the bad/no tip category. Overall, it all balances it self out. Some days you have great days, then sometimes you have bad days. Everyone has them. I do agree with one thing about the video above that no server should accost a guest for a tip. Never mandatory, just move on and do better at your next table.
Last thing I wanted to share the ultimate honesty of tipping. The link that follows is clip of the show 3rd Rock from the Sun. The tipping scene starts 3:30 min. I would love to try this but I’m afraid someone would spit in my food or worse. Enjoy. Let me know what you think.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gbwHqgef2gQ
I went to this Italian restaurant and this white waiter gave me this look once he saw that my date and I were asian and I should’ve listened to my inner voice and asked for another waiter because obviously he wasn’t wasting his time giving us any good service just to get stiffed. Lesson learned, if you’re asian and you get that look from a waiter/tress upon first glance, switch tables or waitpersons because it works out better later. Leave an extra 10% on top of what you were gonna give your new server and make sure the previous server hears you compliment them on the way out.
In terms of bad asian tippers here’s the down-low in SF:
Filipinos=-5%
Chinese=-5%
Koreans=-10%
Japanese=-10%
Asian Americans=15-20% unless service is bad
(The one good thing about AF/WM dates is that while the ladies usually pay in 90% of these couplings, asian girls will basically tip higher than if white boys are left to pay, don’t know if it has to do with credit cards and their asian dads paying the bill,etc… or the white boys’ paycheck to paycheck lifestyle and zero savings) ROFLMAO!!!
I’m Asian American and a labor union organizer… just heard this stereotype at a comedy club and this is totally new to me. Are “we” really bad tippers? Mainstream America is saddled by the strangest hang-ups! Oh… and servers should totally organize. Different and disparate employers? No problem… organize a guild.
That’s odd, my parents are excessive tippers. They grew up in rural China but whenever we go out to eat they tip 20 percent, even if the service is iffy. Consequently my and my siblings tip a lot when we go out, I never knew this was a stereotype. But my parents do tip more when they’re out at an asian place versus an american place. Now that I think about it, they probably do it because it’s the norm in America so the go out of their way to fit into this cultural norm.
I love tipping when the service is good, I feel good making their day and they feel good for a some extra cash. Everybody wins.
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