Dear Dove World Outreach Centre:
So I read the latest news that your pastor Terry Jones is planning to commemorate 9/11 with an “International Burn a Koran Day” on the grounds of your Florida church and you’re calling on other religious groups to join you by burning their own piles of the Koran a.k.a. the Islamic holy book.
Here’s what he said on the subject: “Islam and Sharia law was responsible for 9/11. We see the effects of Islam on Europe. As it has done nothing, Islam is beginning to take over there. Islam is presenting itself as a religion of peace. We want to stop its spread here.”
Now, you’ve been criticized not only by Muslims and other non-Christians, but also sane Christians who see your actions as misguided, hateful and, frankly, a little cuckoo. But you’re not backing down. And why should you? You’re all about standing up for your baby Jesus-inspired convictions and, besides, you’re pumped and ready to literally turn up the heat with your event. There’s no stopping you now so burn, baby, burn! After all, your Facebook page is up:
And you’ve launched additional marketing efforts:
And let’s face it, it takes balls to even attempt a book burning these days so I give you major props for that. It’s almost like saying, “Man, no one’s really done a proper book burning since the Nazis. We should rectify that and pay homage to this fine tradition at the same time.”
But the sad and tragic thing is that I think the target of your hate is misplaced. I get it that the 9/11 terrorists were Muslims and they’re heathens, blah, blah, blah… But the reality is that you have so much in common with the loony extremist Muslim fringe.
You are both very conservative and would be very happy to live in a world where abortions were illegal, women only existed to cook/pop out babies and everyone thought like you did. In fact, you both think your way is the only way and you’ll pretty much bulldoze over anyone and anything else. Let’s be honest—if you look at history, no other major religions come close to either Christianity or Islam for the sheer amount of violence you’ve inflicted on others in the name of your beliefs. Oh, and you both hate the Jews who, of course, are secretly running the world.
But you should think of your loony fringe Muslim extremist brothers and sisters like the crazy (and possibly homicidal) sibling you keep locked up in your basement. They may disgust you. They may be an embarrassment. You may even wish they didn’t exist. But damn it, they’re still family! And when major holidays roll around, you have to let them out of the basement to share in the love with you.
This book-burning event could be one of those occasions when you let your loony Muslim siblings out of your hypothetical basement and welcome them to celebrate with you. This could be an event that unites you…well, for one day at least (you can lock him back up in the basement the rest of the 364 days).
OK, fine, but what next, you may be asking? You obviously can’t torch the Koran in this scenario as that would be considered rude and I know you probably already spent a lot of money on lighter fluid so I get that you still need to burn something.
Well, I’m way ahead of you. Here’s my suggestion: instead of the Koran, focus on the one thing that you and your loony Muslim brethren both hate with a passion. I think you see where I’m going with this. Even more than the Jews, there is one other group that both of you can agree is the greatest threat to everything you stand for. One group that is so dangerous to your belief system that they need to be destroyed at all cost. Yes, I’m talking about…
Monogamous gays!
That’s right! You know it’s bad enough that they’re gay, but now they want to get married and corrupt and destroy the very fiber of your just and moral world?! Well, screw that! Just look at them. Yes, these are the faces of pure evil:
The only question that remains is what can you burn to protest these monogamous gays? What symbolizes everything they stand for in the same way that the Bible represents Christianity or the Koran represents Islam? Well, that’s easy…
The Pottery Barn fondue set
So on 9/11, I ask that you join together with your loony Muslim counterparts and go crazy burning as many fondue sets as you can get your pious little hands on. Show those evil gays what you really think about them. Allah God Allah and God bless America!
It is hard to see such a thing with humor. I think of many thousands of European journalists (or simple Internet users) who are dead, in the meantime, or must live with other identities, even if they have practiced only little criticism of Islam. A Koran combustion would not be possible in Europe at all, because the people who would announce this, would not live so long to do this.
I would actually like to thank you for writing this letter. Even though it’s supposed to be satirical, there’s a lot of truth in it.
Agree with Serene, too true.
comon, these people dont rep JC at all. look at their actions. they’re not christians.
By this all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love among yourselves.”—John 13:34, 35.
Lol, religion.
[...] response to Seixas and his congregation. On the eve of the ninth anniversary of 9/11 and with the stories of hatred toward another religious group constantly in today’s news, I thought it might be appropriate to reprint Washington’s [...]
islam is a wicked and vile religion and you are a stupid ass for thinking your grandchildren won’t pay the price because you did not have the balls to stop the spread of this dirty religion founded by a lying prophet, pedophile, murderer, idol worshipper, and sexual deviant.