Here at YOMYOMF, we value the feedback from loyal readers like yourselves. That’s why when several of you suggested we try to write blogs that were more educational and blogs that could teach and inspire our youth, I thought—yes, that is a good and noble idea. So I vow to take this suggestion to heart and post more blogs…for the children.

And in that spirit–today, I write about an issue that is not only dear to my heart, but that is also very important in the multicultural society we live in…the lack of diversity in the mainstream media. And particularly in film and television. Furthermore, I’ll discuss this subject in a way that will allow even the youngest and stupidest child to understand. And further furthermore, in order to make sure everything I write is accurate and appropriate, I have asked a representative from a well-respected teachers’ organization to read over this post and make any necessary corrections. So let’s fucking do this! So let us proceed in the proper manner…

Dear Children:

I know the concept of diversity in film/TV may be difficult for your young and innocent minds to comprehend so I have come up with a way to explain things so that you can fully understand this complex issue.

Think of a Hollywood movie studio or a television network as a cupcake factory. We all love cupcakes, right? In fact, they’re pretty damn awesome! But let’s say these cupcake factories only made vanilla cupcakes.

Now, don’t get me wrong—I love vanilla cupcakes! I love them so much that I’ve often paid good money to have three or four vanilla cupcakes come home with me. But no matter how good vanilla cupcakes might be, if they were the only kind of cupcakes the cupcake factories made, it would be bad for everyone.

First of all, think about all the other yummy cupcakes you would be missing out on: the chocolate cupcakes, the banana cupcakes and…uh…the Hispanic cupcakes.

Each of these cupcakes are delicious in their own way. The chocolate cupcakes have a taste that can best be described as sassy and in yo face and often goes well with fried chicken and orange soda. While the banana cupcakes have a more reserved and uptight flavor, although the chink in their armor is that you’re often hungry again in an hour. As for the Hispanic cupcakes, they’re just as good as the other cupcakes but cost a whole lot less because there’s just so many of them and they’re all out of work and are here illegally and just loiter on street corners all day drinking beer waiting for…What? Excuse me?

The teacher’s organization rep is telling me that there may be some things in my previous paragraph that may be deemed…inappropriate. Huh? Really? I guess if you say so, you’re the expert and all…anyway, I apologize, children. The point I’m trying to make is that these cupcakes may look and taste different, but they’re all equally wonderful.

For example, I know some guys who really love banana cupcakes. Now, these are guys you’d think would normally be into vanilla cupcakes, but they just can’t get enough of the banana ones. They love them so much that they’ll save all their money so they can take a special vacation to Thai…er—I mean the place where banana cupcakes originate just so they can stuff their mouths and other orifices with banana cupcakes 24/7. And in this special place where banana cupcakes originate, some of the banana cupcakes aren’t even really cupcakes. They’re actually fruitcakes “disguised” as cupcakes, but they look so much like cupcakes that…What? Sorry, it’s the teacher’s rep person again.

What do you mean the word “fruitcakes” can have a negative connotation in this context? How can a delicious dessert treat have a negative connotation in any context? You know what—fine! I’ll re-word things in a more “appropriate” fashion.

Banana cupcake or fruitcake in disguise?

So children, some of these banana cupcakes are actually transvestite or “ladyboy” cupcakes and…now what?! Fuck me I can’t say that either?! OK, fine, I’ll move on.

The other point I want to make, children, is that it’s actually good business for the cupcake factories to make other cupcakes besides just the vanilla ones. The factory owners may think that the public has no interest in chocolate cupcakes or banana cupcakes or Hispanic…What? I can’t say that now either? Then what am I supposed to call them? There’s no cupcake equivalent to the Hispanic thing? I mean I guess I can refer to them as brown cupcakes but that’s a little racist, don’t you think?

Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is that there is an ever-growing appetite and audience for all types of cupcakes. And if the factory owners decided to invest more in these other cupcakes, I’m sure they’d see their profit margins increase.

Again, there’s nothing wrong with vanilla cupcakes. In fact, some of my favorite cupcakes are vanilla. But…hmm, now that I think about it, vanilla cupcakes are a little bland. And have you ever noticed that when you walk into a cupcake shop, all the vanilla cupcakes are usually in the front of the display case and all the colored cupcakes are in the back? What the fuck is up with that?! I mean do the vanilla cupcakes think they’re “superior” than all the other cupcakes? I bet they do. Fuck that shit! And fuck them vanilla cupcakes!

Children, here’s what I want you to do—take all the vanilla cupcakes you can find and shove them down your garbage disposal—get them in there really tight! And then turn on that motherfuckin’ switch and just laugh and laugh and laugh while you watch those racist cracker cupcakes get shredded and diced into—

Actually, what I meant to say is—every cupcake is different but delicious all the same. And that is why diversity in the mainstream media is important. Thank you, children.

Can't we all just get along?