Dear France:

Yesterday, your Senate overwhelmingly passed a bill that would ban the public wearing of the burqa or any other Islamic-style veil. If your Constitutional Council rules that this law is valid, it could go into effect in just six months. You’d become the first European country to pass such a ban, but some of your neighbors like Belgium are also considering similar measures so you may once again be a trend-setter like how you were the first to proclaim that Jerry Lewis was a genius which led others to also…well, uh, never mind.

Now, there are some who are accusing you of Islamophobia. You have the largest Muslim population in all of Europe and Islam is your second most popular religion and there are those who fear that this action will increase the already existing anti-Muslim sentiment in your country. But you’ve explained this isn’t about hatred, but rather about preserving your nation’s values and heritage “including its secular foundations and notions of fraternity that is contrary to those who hide their faces.”

So I’ll take you at your word that you have only the best of intentions, but you should still reconsider passing this ban. Not because I think it’s anti-Muslim or anything of the sort, but because this law could set a troubling precedent that could lead you down a slippery path of destruction.

Let me give you some potential examples of what this could unleash:

How do you feel about Halloween? Well, I know for a fact that you French love Halloween. I know you love Halloween about as much as you love French toast and French fries and French kissing and whatever else you guys love. Oh yeah, eating snails. I forgot to add eating snails to that list. I know how much you love that stuff. And not taking baths, can’t forget that. I know baths and good personal hygiene are to you what garlic is to vampires.

But, anyway, if this law passes then you can pretty much say au revoir to Halloween. Why? Because if wearing something that hides your face is the antithesis to French fraternity, you would have no choice but to outlaw Halloween with all its mask and costume wearing and hiding your face shenanigans.

Look at this photo:

Underneath those masks are young and innocent French children who want nothing more than to be able to go trick or treating on Halloween and come home with a bag full of their favorite yummy treats—French toast, French fries, snails, frog’s legs. Do you want to deny them that? Think of the children. For God’s sake, think of the children!

And if you want to ban burqas because they go against French traditions and values, you know it won’t stop there. Once you start telling people what they can’t wear, it’s just a hop, skip and a jump away from telling people what they must wear. Pretty soon you’re going to be legislating that people can only wear clothes that reflect the true French character and values. Which means essentially that everyone’s either going to have to dress like an asshole:

A French pastry chef:

Or a French maid:

Wait. Uh…hold on…now that I think about it….well, maybe this isn’t such a bad thing. Let me examine some more of the evidence here:

And here:

OK, I take everything back, you definitely know what you’re doing. I defer to your judgment. Vive le France!