An Open Letter to CBS Regarding the Charlie Sheen Problem

Dear CBS:

Of course you and everyone reading this knows what’s going on with Charlie “I’m a winner” Sheen so I’m sure I don’t have to fill anyone in on all the batshit crazy details. But it comes down to this…from your perspective, it looks like Sheen’s gone off his rocker, but it’s going to be difficult to completely wash your hands of him because he’s still the star of Two-and-a-Half Men, which is a huge cash cow for your network. So what to do? Luckily, I have the perfect solution not only to your problem, but a similar problem that the international community is also facing.

I’m sure you also know that Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi is continuing merrily along with his own batshit crazy routine. In the midst of protests and calls for him to give up power, Gaddafi remains defiant even saying absolutely WTF shit like how his people “love me, all my people with me, they love me all. They will die to protect me, my people.”

The media has already pointed out the similar ways in which Sheen and Gaddafi are completely bonkers and I think they’re onto something. You could say Gaddafi is sort of the Charlie Sheen of evil dictators—anyone who only hires hot chicks to be his bodyguards, well, that’s gotta make a man like Sheen proud.

But the reality is Gaddafi is eventually going to be thrown out of office along with his son Saif who has also made batshit crazy claims like how all is normal in Libya while promising to arm pro-Gaddafi supporters at the same time. And once these two get booted out, well, they have to go somewhere and I don’t think too many folks are going to be sending invites to move in with them.

And that’s where you, CBS, can step in and kill two crazy birds with one stone.

Revamp Two-and-a-Half Men, but instead of being about a fictional partying character named Charlie taking in his loser brother and his clueless son, this new show will be about a real partying character named Charlie taking in a loser dictator (Gaddafi) and his clueless son (Safi). You don’t have to even change the title—Two-and-a-Half Men still works.

So this:

Can turn into this:

You can save even more money because you won’t have to hire writers, like original show creator Chuck Lorre, who are just going to keep a guy like Charlie down and prevent him from winning and creating magic anyway.

Besides, who needs writers with these three? Even Shakespeare himself couldn’t pen a more entertaining show than what you’re going to get by just throwing these guys together and simply documenting what happens. I can just imagine what a typical episode might be like: Sheen, Gaddafi and Safi are hanging out, downing Patron shots and discussing how the Jews are responsible for destroying their lives when suddenly, there’s a knock on the door. They answer to find a group of strippers who are upset with Sheen for stiffing them out of their tips on his last visit and a group of anti-Gaddafi rebels with explosives who want to blow the ex-dictator and his son to holy hell. And of course, hilarity ensues.

I would so watch that show. And I bet so would the rest of America. It’s a genius concept and CBS would come out a bi-winner…just like a certain Carlos Estevez Mr. Charlie Sheen. 

(Thanks to Offender David for his photoshop skills)

3 thoughts on “An Open Letter to CBS Regarding the Charlie Sheen Problem

  1. What did Michael Jackson try to say?
    Charlie Sheen questions Obama about 9/11
    despite AIPAC controlled media censorship.
    Mel Gibson does not play dumb about 9/11 either.

  2. Pingback: 5 Asians who are as Batshit Crazy as Charlie Sheen | You Offend Me You Offend My Family

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