Due to the fact that i’ve had a foot cast on for almost a month, I now have pubes.

Allow me to explain.

Since I currently have to shower with one foot constantly outside of the tub, it has been difficult to hold a steady razor against my mons pubis while balancing on one foot. Since sex is also on hold (disappointment is a great birth control), I figured this might be a good time to go furry. Au natural. Cover the mound of Venus, per say.

I grew up in the time pre-Missy “shave my cha cha” Elliot, where people just had pubes. No one questioned it, that’s just the way it was. Shaving down there wasn’t the hip thing to do when I was in high school, only porn stars did that when I was a kid. In fact, I actually think the au natural look can be sexy. One of my favorite hawt films Kama Sutra (directed by Mira Nair) has a scene where the woman seduces the prince and she’s butt naked but she seems perfectly clothed. It’s as if that dark pubic hair was a veil to her womanly secrets. It just seemed so sexy!

(Of course they cut the youtube clip right when she gets down and sexy… but I’ll let you know that her delta of Venus was muy muff-tastic!)

One of the things I miss about the flowery carpet of love? I miss the scent. That scent of musk that just makes you want to fuk the bejeebees out of someone? That scent of your boyfriend that lingers on his shirt and on his pillow case? Imagine that scent blown to 30x its power! Good god, you just want to nestle in all that goodness and smell it on yourself when you’re done. It says nothing but fuk me fuk me fuk me now and again and don’t forget to fuk me good. Is that too graphic? It should be, that’s what scent can do.

But oh well, times have changed. Even sex is managed and quantified and prettified and sanitized. No one wants scent, what they want is no hair in their teeth. (Somehow, munching like a cow, not sexy.). What people want is tangle-free android sex… and getting kinky is not kinky as in kinky hair, but as in whips and chains as Rihanna sings about. (Yawn! So done.)

Whips and chains are acceptable, pubes not so.

And I used to argue, why shave when I’m ASIAN? We barely grow hair on our faces, our bushes are barely a one on the hair Richter Scale. And it’s not even bushy, for the most part, most Asian pubes I’ve seen ( I’ve looked in the locker room, I admit it and you know you do too) are fairly kinky straight.. It’s like all we’re growing down there are cute little soul patches.

Look, Billy Ray Cyrus has my mon pubes on his chin.

But times have changed like I said. I won’t lie, I started shaving for an old boyfriend and now I do it just out of habit. But today I looked down at myself in the shower and admired my dark thick hair that so neatly hid my labia in secrecy and mysteriousness. It was like looking at a different person, a totally different bohemian earthy goddess of bountiful and lusty animal sex of howls and grunts and growling bites.

Then I took a razor to it so I could have sex in this world.