This weeks prayers…
Three Good Things:

1. Christmas lights. If they don’t bring a smile to your face, you really do deserve a lump of coal in your stocking. Even my jaded 13 year old metalhead atheist son, whose favorite bands are Cannibal Corpse and Artery Eruption, gets googly eyed at the sight of shiny colored lights.

2. Steven Douglas Burton. This is the 39 year old guy who showed up at his high school reunion wearing the formal uniform of a Marine lieutenant colonel. Burton earned the Navy Cross, the Bronze Star and the Purple Heart, among other medals. At the reunion, one of his old classmates, Collen Salonga, asked to have her picture taken with the decorated war hero. She then forwarded the snapshot to the FBI. You see, Ms. Salonga is a Navy commander. Burton never served in any of the armed forces. In fact, he works in a bank in Palm Springs. For his little stunt, he faces up to a year in prison and a $100,000 fine. Okay, so this didn’t happen to me, so why is it on my list? Simple: this story gave me my first, and only, reason, not to hate George Bush. In 2006, Bush signed into law – get ready for it – the Stolen Valor Act. Best…name…for…a…law…ever. So know you know: someone mess with your valor? Cancel the duel, put down those pistols, and take ‘em to court!
3. Every year my partners and I give our bartenders, doormen and barbacks cash Christmas gifts. Sacha, a bartender who’s been with me since we opened the bar ten years ago, always says the same thing when I hand her the card: “ohmigod, Fredo, I always forget about this. Wow. Thanks.” A big smile, her eyes go wide, she acts genuinely surprised and enthused. Ten years and she keeps forgetting? This is one white lie I cherish.

Three Bad Things:

1. Why am I the only person in my household who remembers to put the binder clip back on the potato chip bag? The only thing worse than stale chips are….
2. Why am I the only person in my household who remembers to put the twisty tie back on the saltines? If you don’t do these things, you get one – just one – good snack, out of an entire package of chips or saltines. After that it’s cardboard.
3. One of my business partners is also president of a local motorcycle club. Which means that once every year or two, a member of his club gets killed in a bike wreck. About a year ago a guy named Norton was killed. I knew Norton from the bars. He was a good acquaintance. He was a gregarious, fun, warm person. I attended the funeral service and paid my respects. Recently, on the first anniversary of his death, my biz partner told me they were having another memorial where they would be sending off a wooden boat with some of Norton’s remains into the ocean. From the shore they would shoot flaming arrows at it, so it would catch fire, burn and sink. He asked me if I wanted to go, but I declined. I knew there would only be a small group in attendance, including Norton’s immediate family, so I felt a built awkward, like I would be intruding on a private moment. My biz partner, who was a bit drunk when he asked me if I wanted to go and had been drinking all week to deal with his grief over Norton, looked up at me and said, “What, you have another Viking funeral to go to tonight?” I had nothing to say. I felt like shit. In trying to be tactful, I was totally tactless. I was invited. I should’ve gone. But I made the moment about myself, about whether I would feel weird or cause others to feel weird. But this moment was about showing respect for Norton, and nothing else. Just a little reminder that even though we can only see out of our own eyes, we are not, in fact, the center of the universe. ….if I’m ever invited to another Viking funeral, I think I’ll go….