Tea with Uncle Joe

Strolling through San Francisco Chinatown was like walking down memory lane. Since graduating from Berkeley, I’ve always left a bit of my heart (dimsum) in San Francisco Chinatown where I had numerous meals with my uncles, aunts and cousins and late night snacks with dates and lovers.

Growing up as a new immigrant from Hong Kong, my parents had taught us to distinguish ourselves from the Chinatown Chinese who were unfashionable and unhip. But that has never deterred me from falling in love with every Chinatown that I have visited.

This has gotta hurt!

I haven’t had time to catch much of baseball this season, but at least my Red Sox are still leading the AL East. Let’s hope they cream the Yankees today and get some W’s to distance themselves more. On the other hand, the lady in this video is going to have a big, fat shiner on her face for at least two weeks. This happened last night at the Yankees-Orioles game. I feel so sorry for this lady, yet I’m posting it anyway on YOMYOMF. Yep, it’s been that kind of week for me. Sorry, lady… Happy hump day everyone.

Yes, Chickens are the Sluts of the Animal World but not Dumb Sluts

Anyone who has spent any time in the company of chickens knows that the female chickens are the sluts of the animal kingdom and will have sex with way more cocks males than necessary to fertilize their eggs. But Oxford researcher Rebecca Dean and her team have recently discovered that although the she-chickens may be promiscuous, they aren’t stupid and practice a reliable, if not, bizarre form of selective birth control.

Chickens have already been observed performing “seminal evacuation” which basically means that they will occasionally eject the sperm after having sex. Dean and her team studied this phenomenon and have come to the following conclusion:

Kick Off!

Here is a brief accounting of the good natured ribbing which occurred during the pre-season game between the Oakland Raiders and the San Francisco 49ers:

…one bystander: punched after trying to break up a fight between two alleged gang members.

…one drunk ass: thrown in jail after being stopped by two bike cops, grabbing one of their handle bars, and yelling “take their bikes!”  No word on whether other fans took his exhortation to heart.

Just want to point out that it's never in poor taste to include a picture of Jessica Alba wearing a Raiders cap.

…one man: waiting for the bathroom, ends up hospitalized after someone slams his head into the wall.

Why Hurricanes Should be Named After Korean Women

Luckily for our friends on the east coast, Hurricane Irene didn’t pack quite the wallop she was expected to have. Still, there wasn’t a lot of love for Irene as evidenced by the numerous posts online including this tweet that we, ourselves, are guilty of (oh, don’t forget to follow us on twitter):

All this hate for anything named Irene made me ponder the names given to hurricanes and the impact that they have (can anyone hear the name Katrina anymore without thinking of New Orleans?). Contrary to popular belief, hurricanes are given male names as well as female ones. However, it does seem the most “popular” (i.e. most destructive) ones are named after females, but I’m sure that’s purely coincidental. But what I did notice as I looked up the list of past hurricanes was that we’re quickly using up the available Western names and we’ll be scraping the bottom of the barrel soon. So in an effort to prevent future hurricanes from being stuck with douche-y names like Hurricane Paris or Hurricane The Situation, I offer an alternative…

Start naming hurricanes after Korean women.

Why Japan is Awesome #444: Underwear that Burns Calories in Your Crotch

The concept of “functional underwear” is not a new one in Japan, but it’s apparently becoming ever more popular and manufacturers are embracing its marketing potential.

But lest you think this calorie-burning underwear is some magical invention that will miraculously trim your fat while you sit watching TV all day in your tightie whities, that is unfortunately not to be. According to the Goldwin company, Japan’s foremost manufacturer of this product, their underwear includes an elastic resin printed on top of the normal fabric. Supposedly, the extra burden “imposed” on the muscles by having to stretch the resin as the body moves, which is what allows for the extra calorie burn. So yes, you still have to move around for your underwear to do its job.

Damn you, naps!

It’s the night before your test and you haven’t studied for shit.  The class textbook is perfectly capable of knocking out a small person if swung at their head.  And exhaustion is creeping through every inch of your bones.

“Fuck yeah, naps!”  That’s what you’re thinking.  In fact, that’s your only feasible option.  How will you make it through the rest of the night, through what is sure to be a most arduous cram session, without just a bit of rest?

So you let yourself lie down on your bed for a second.  Only a second. Let your head hit the soft, soft pillow.  Actually, you don’t even get under the blankets.  That’s sure to keep you from going to sleep outright.  Just a nap here, folks.  In and out of dreamland, real quick.

Coming Full Circle: From Dim Sum to White Frog

CHRIS

Chris Lee is a 4th generation American hapa — some very brave or desperate great grandfather from Toi San in Guang Dong province in China came to build the railroads and eventually begat him: a Chinese-Scottish motion picture producer, studio executive (at TriStar Pictures) and unexpected educator who travels a lot, but lives in Hawaii where he started the Academy for Creative Media at the University of Hawaii. Currently in post in LA as Producer of Quentin Lee’s White Frog and in prep in Beijing producing Chen Da Ming’s Seven, The Chosen Killer, Chris most loves working closely with directors to help them bring their visions to the screen. He used to be a lot of things but he’s too terrified to ever read about himself on google or imdb to find out what. He suspects there’s actually nothing there. (Editor’s note: Actually, Chris’ credits as producer or executive producer are very well-represented and include Superman Returns, S.W.A.T. and Valkyrie)

Chris w/Joan Chen on the set of "White Frog"

While very honored to be newly included among the Offenders, I have struggled to find something to say. If you know me, this is rather odd as I am frequently and accurately accused of saying too much. Now that we have wrapped principle photography, I do have a few thoughts on what it’s like to journey full circle, from my first job in film over twenty years ago on Wayne Wang’s second film, Dim Sum: A Little Bit of Heart, to now, as producer of Quentin Lee’s fifth film, White Frog.

Words, Scripts, Acting

The beautiful thing about having been an actor for so long is that acting makes you love words.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qcy1WEeh6Bk&feature=related[/youtube]

“Words words words!” to quote Hamlet… yes, words. Those pointless guttural utterances that drop from our mouths in a series of memorized consonants and vowels as dictated by the culture in which one has grown up; those sounds that can mean so much as they escape on our outward breath and be taken so wrong by the receiving party; those paltry makeshift canoes meant to navigate the deeper tumult of the river of our emotional core; words.

“Fucking” T-shirt Causes Controversy for Chinese Weatherwoman

A female weatherwoman working for one of the national channels in the Zhejiang Province of China has come under fire for doing a broadcast while wearing a t-shirt with the word “fucking” clearly written on it.

To which I reply: what’s the big fucking deal?

First, she’s a cute Asian chick so that automatically excuses her from any such criticism. She can wear a shirt with a picture of Charles Manson strangling a dead puppy on it and it would still be cute ‘cause she’s so damn cute. Whereas if a fat, sweaty white dude wore the same shirt, he’s an insensitive dick and should be reprimanded.

YOMYOMF HAIKU CORNER: Steve Jobs, I love you.

Mister Jobs leaving
Leaves a hole in the Apple
Of my iPod – sigh.

Honestly, I don’t know much about Steve Jobs.  The extent of my familiarity with him pales in comparison with his familiarity to black turtlenecks, but I know that he was pretty important to the company that makes iPods and I really like iPods so I guess that news of him leaving kinda sucks.

Does this mean the next iPods won’t look as cool?  Man, this is depressing.