You are currently browsing the archives for August 2011.

Tea with Uncle Joe

  • August 31, 2011 1:26 pm

Strolling through San Francisco Chinatown was like walking down memory lane. Since graduating from Berkeley, I’ve always left a bit of my heart (dimsum) in San Francisco Chinatown where I had numerous meals with my uncles, aunts and cousins and late night snacks with dates and lovers.

Growing up as a new immigrant from Hong Kong, my parents had taught us to distinguish ourselves from the Chinatown Chinese who were unfashionable and unhip. But that has never deterred me from falling in love with every Chinatown that I have visited.

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This cat is an asshole

  • August 31, 2011 12:31 pm

Bullying is a big problem in America. It’s so bad that it even affects domesticated cats.

Bully Cat Stuffs Cat In Box – Watch more Funny Videos
It gets better, white cat. I guess today is viral video day on YOMYOMF.

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This has gotta hurt!

  • August 31, 2011 4:28 am

I haven’t had time to catch much of baseball this season, but at least my Red Sox are still leading the AL East. Let’s hope they cream the Yankees today and get some W’s to distance themselves more. On the other hand, the lady in this video is going to have a big, fat shiner on her face for at least two weeks. This happened last night at the Yankees-Orioles game. I feel so sorry for this lady, yet I’m posting it anyway on YOMYOMF. Yep, it’s been that kind of week for me. Sorry, lady… Happy hump day everyone.

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Yes, Chickens are the Sluts of the Animal World but not Dumb Sluts

  • August 31, 2011 12:02 am

Anyone who has spent any time in the company of chickens knows that the female chickens are the sluts of the animal kingdom and will have sex with way more cocks males than necessary to fertilize their eggs. But Oxford researcher Rebecca Dean and her team have recently discovered that although the she-chickens may be promiscuous, they aren’t stupid and practice a reliable, if not, bizarre form of selective birth control.

Chickens have already been observed performing “seminal evacuation” which basically means that they will occasionally eject the sperm after having sex. Dean and her team studied this phenomenon and have come to the following conclusion:  Read more...

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Kick Off!

  • August 30, 2011 4:09 am

Here is a brief accounting of the good natured ribbing which occurred during the pre-season game between the Oakland Raiders and the San Francisco 49ers:

…one bystander: punched after trying to break up a fight between two alleged gang members.

…one drunk ass: thrown in jail after being stopped by two bike cops, grabbing one of their handle bars, and yelling “take their bikes!”  No word on whether other fans took his exhortation to heart.

Just want to point out that it's never in poor taste to include a picture of Jessica Alba wearing a Raiders cap.

…one man: waiting for the bathroom, ends up hospitalized after someone slams his head into the wall.  Read more...

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Why Hurricanes Should be Named After Korean Women

  • August 30, 2011 12:01 am

Luckily for our friends on the east coast, Hurricane Irene didn’t pack quite the wallop she was expected to have. Still, there wasn’t a lot of love for Irene as evidenced by the numerous posts online including this tweet that we, ourselves, are guilty of (oh, don’t forget to follow us on twitter):

All this hate for anything named Irene made me ponder the names given to hurricanes and the impact that they have (can anyone hear the name Katrina anymore without thinking of New Orleans?). Contrary to popular belief, hurricanes are given male names as well as female ones. However, it does seem the most “popular” (i.e. most destructive) ones are named after females, but I’m sure that’s purely coincidental. But what I did notice as I looked up the list of past hurricanes was that we’re quickly using up the available Western names and we’ll be scraping the bottom of the barrel soon. So in an effort to prevent future hurricanes from being stuck with douche-y names like Hurricane Paris or Hurricane The Situation, I offer an alternative…

Start naming hurricanes after Korean women.  Read more...

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Why Japan is Awesome #444: Underwear that Burns Calories in Your Crotch

  • August 29, 2011 6:01 am

The concept of “functional underwear” is not a new one in Japan, but it’s apparently becoming ever more popular and manufacturers are embracing its marketing potential.

But lest you think this calorie-burning underwear is some magical invention that will miraculously trim your fat while you sit watching TV all day in your tightie whities, that is unfortunately not to be. According to the Goldwin company, Japan’s foremost manufacturer of this product, their underwear includes an elastic resin printed on top of the normal fabric. Supposedly, the extra burden “imposed” on the muscles by having to stretch the resin as the body moves, which is what allows for the extra calorie burn. So yes, you still have to move around for your underwear to do its job.  Read more...

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Damn you, naps!

  • August 29, 2011 3:51 am

It’s the night before your test and you haven’t studied for shit.  The class textbook is perfectly capable of knocking out a small person if swung at their head.  And exhaustion is creeping through every inch of your bones.

“Fuck yeah, naps!”  That’s what you’re thinking.  In fact, that’s your only feasible option.  How will you make it through the rest of the night, through what is sure to be a most arduous cram session, without just a bit of rest?

So you let yourself lie down on your bed for a second.  Only a second. Let your head hit the soft, soft pillow.  Actually, you don’t even get under the blankets.  That’s sure to keep you from going to sleep outright.  Just a nap here, folks.  In and out of dreamland, real quick.  Read more...

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Coming Full Circle: From Dim Sum to White Frog

  • August 29, 2011 12:05 am

CHRIS

Chris Lee is a 4th generation American hapa — some very brave or desperate great grandfather from Toi San in Guang Dong province in China came to build the railroads and eventually begat him: a Chinese-Scottish motion picture producer, studio executive (at TriStar Pictures) and unexpected educator who travels a lot, but lives in Hawaii where he started the Academy for Creative Media at the University of Hawaii. Currently in post in LA as Producer of Quentin Lee’s White Frog and in prep in Beijing producing Chen Da Ming’s Seven, The Chosen Killer, Chris most loves working closely with directors to help them bring their visions to the screen. He used to be a lot of things but he’s too terrified to ever read about himself on google or imdb to find out what. He suspects there’s actually nothing there. (Editor’s note: Actually, Chris’ credits as producer or executive producer are very well-represented and include Superman Returns, S.W.A.T. and Valkyrie)

Chris w/Joan Chen on the set of "White Frog"

While very honored to be newly included among the Offenders, I have struggled to find something to say. If you know me, this is rather odd as I am frequently and accurately accused of saying too much. Now that we have wrapped principle photography, I do have a few thoughts on what it’s like to journey full circle, from my first job in film over twenty years ago on Wayne Wang’s second film, Dim Sum: A Little Bit of Heart, to now, as producer of Quentin Lee’s fifth film, White Frog.  Read more...

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Words, Scripts, Acting

  • August 28, 2011 8:01 am

The beautiful thing about having been an actor for so long is that acting makes you love words.

YouTube Preview Image

“Words words words!” to quote Hamlet… yes, words. Those pointless guttural utterances that drop from our mouths in a series of memorized consonants and vowels as dictated by the culture in which one has grown up; those sounds that can mean so much as they escape on our outward breath and be taken so wrong by the receiving party; those paltry makeshift canoes meant to navigate the deeper tumult of the river of our emotional core; words.  Read more...

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“Fucking” T-shirt Causes Controversy for Chinese Weatherwoman

  • August 27, 2011 12:02 am

A female weatherwoman working for one of the national channels in the Zhejiang Province of China has come under fire for doing a broadcast while wearing a t-shirt with the word “fucking” clearly written on it.

To which I reply: what’s the big fucking deal?

First, she’s a cute Asian chick so that automatically excuses her from any such criticism. She can wear a shirt with a picture of Charles Manson strangling a dead puppy on it and it would still be cute ‘cause she’s so damn cute. Whereas if a fat, sweaty white dude wore the same shirt, he’s an insensitive dick and should be reprimanded.  Read more...

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YOMYOMF HAIKU CORNER: Steve Jobs, I love you.

  • August 27, 2011 12:00 am

Mister Jobs leaving
Leaves a hole in the Apple
Of my iPod – sigh.

Honestly, I don’t know much about Steve Jobs.  The extent of my familiarity with him pales in comparison with his familiarity to black turtlenecks, but I know that he was pretty important to the company that makes iPods and I really like iPods so I guess that news of him leaving kinda sucks.

Does this mean the next iPods won’t look as cool?  Man, this is depressing.  Read more...

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Love by Chance at the World’s Fair

  • August 26, 2011 4:09 am

In the spring of 1963, a beautiful young woman named Lily Galay was travelling through Spain.  She had left behind a strict childhood in Austria and Los Angeles, and was now spreading her wings, enjoying her youth and her freedom, and the warm atmosphere of southern Europe.  Visiting the Prado Museum in Madrid one afternoon, a man started chatting her up in broken English.

His name was Emilio.

Emilio and Lily went on a few dates, but the time soon came for Lily to return to Munich, the place she had called home for the last year.  Several months passed.  Emilio wrote her letters telling her how much he missed her.  He remembered her alabaster skin and almond shaped eyes.  Read more...

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Why did I eat that?

  • August 26, 2011 4:02 am

I am in San Diego, CA, at Ghirardelli Soda Fountain & Chocolate Shop and I am faced with a dilemma.

But first let me set the scene.

With a theater marquee-like sign, the storefront alone already beckons.  I’m a sucker for all things retro – broad as that may be – and so, like a sailor to a siren’s call, I am drawn without a choice in the matter.

Once inside, the chocolate energy is palpable.  It’s chocolate, chocolate, CHOCOLATE EVERYWHERE.

 Read more...

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Why Science is Awesome: A Tourniquet for Your Penis

  • August 26, 2011 12:01 am

If you’re like me, you’ve often thought to yourself, “Man, I wish someone would invent a tourniquet to stop the bleeding when I get shot in the groin.” Well, science has granted your wish in the form of the Combat Ready Clamp or CRC. Yup, it’s a tourniquet for your penis.

It can also be used on other body parts where a standard tourniquet would be impractical and was developed mainly with military personnel in mind (assuming our men in uniform have to worry about being shot in the penis more than the rest of us). Of course, it’ll also come in handy if you’re married to a crazy chick with a predisposition to cut off your penis and shove it down the garbage disposal.  Read more...

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Nothing Says “Will You Marry Me” Better Than Dancing Carrots

  • August 25, 2011 12:01 am

What’s the best way to propose to your girlfriend when her favorite color is orange? Recruit a small army of dancing carrots to help you do the job.

That’s what a man named Pang Kun, who lives in the Chinese city of Qingdao, did to propose marriage to his girlfriend. His plan took three weeks to devise, cost about $15,000 and involved 48 friends dressed up as dancing carrots.

Luckily, his girlfriend said yes or it could’ve been really, really awkward. Check out the proposal below. It’s not subtitled but no translation is necessary when you’re talking about true love and dancing carrots:  Read more...

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SAIGON ELECTRIC: Us vs. Them (Part 2)

  • August 24, 2011 12:57 am

Here’s Part 2 about my first experience as a producer for a film called SAIGON ELECTRIC (You can read Part 1 here), a hip hop, coming-of-age film made in Vietnam. It was released there in April and is set to be released in select U.S. cities on October 7th. We’re currently mounting an Indiegogo campaign to raise funds for a small, but proper, theatrical release.  So without further adieu, here’s the latest chapter of the SAIGON ELECTRIC Journey:

February 2010: With the script done and most of the financing in place, we were dead set on starting production in May 2010. We figured it would be ready for a Christmas release later that year. There was only one problem. We weren’t well-versed in hip hop, especially in Vietnam. So, with some scratch in his pocket, we sent our intrepid (and younger) producer, Danny Do,  on a mission to Vietnam in March, to do some scouting and outreach with the various dance crews. Danny ventured to Hanoi first, where hip hop is actually a bigger scene (the dancers that populate Lenin Park on a daily basis number in the hundreds). That’s where he met up with Big Toe, the best dance crew in Hanoi, if not Vietnam. They were competing internationally, getting endorsements, and also acting in a daily TV soap called Buoc Nhay Xi Tin, which reminds me of a Viet version of Kids Incorporated. Danny made strides with the crew, but unfortunately, they weren’t going to be available in May because they were going to be out of the country.

Danny made it south to Saigon a.k.a. Ho Chi Minh City, where the film is based anyway, and met up with various crews, ranging from step up, hip hop, pop-n- lockers and actual b-boys. He was filming their practice routines and uploading them to Youtube so we could see them back in the States.  Read more...

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Imitations of Life

  • August 24, 2011 12:15 am

Does art imitate life, or vice versa? Oscar Wilde once wrote, “Life imitates Art more than Art imitates Life.” This age-old question has been asked and debated by artists throughout the centuries. It also seems to be the defining question that I explore every time I make a movie. As an artist, I’ve often explored the tenuous boundary between imagination and personal experiences, between fiction and non-fiction.

Amy Hill plays Booboo Stewart’s psychiatrist in White Frog.

Two weeks before I started shooting White Frog, my mother called me out of the blue and broke the news to me that my youngest sister Tabitha was just diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome at 32. I was completely flabbergasted and I told her that I was coincidentally making a film about a teenager with Asperger’s.  Read more...

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More Proof of the Existence of God: SPAM Lip Glaze

  • August 24, 2011 12:01 am

We heart our SPAM here at YOMYOMF (see here, here and here for examples). Others may pooh-pooh its deliciously mysterious meat, but as far I’m concerned, those people are racist elitists. So if you love SPAM too, here’s a new product you may be interested in:

Yup, SPAM Lip Glaze (which you can purchase here for only $2.99).

Now, you can experience that yummy SPAM taste on your lips 24-7. Here’s an official description:

Rubbing meat on your face is a good way to get noticed, but probably for all the wrong reasons. But what if you do it because you really want to taste meat, but not eat it? Well, grab yourself some SPAM Lip Glaze and you can rub the flavor of meat on your lips without getting weird stares from bacon hanging from your cheeks.  Read more...

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On the Origins of Things: “Shanghaied”

  • August 23, 2011 9:11 am

As a writer and a lover of language (amongst many other things), I find myself wondering frequently about things like word usage, word origins, and common vernacular versus acceptable written practice.

For example, in screenwriting, I find it acceptable to use the term “wanna” in dialogue because that’s the way that people actually speak when referring to “want to.” However, I would never spell the word “wanna” outside of dialogue passages or in very casual written conversation (e.g. emails/texts with friends). I also find myself annoyed when I read someone writing the word “wanna” to substitute for the phrase “want a” as in “I wanna sandwich.” Why? Because it serves no purpose. The reason “wanna” works as a stand-in for “want to” is because, on top of it actually sounding that way when spoken quickly, it actually functions as a written abbreviation as well (“wanna” is comprised of five letters while “want to” is comprised of six – or seven, if you include the space). Substituting “wanna” for “want a”, in my opinion, is a misappropriation of the term, and, I figure, one that serves no real purpose outside of showing that the writer doesn’t necessarily think through these things (at least relative to me; maybe I am just overly anal when it comes to grammar and language).  Read more...

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